Midlife Reinvention

There is no way you can move into the future, unless you let go of the past. Today I’m beginning a series of articles about
FIVE very practical ways of doing that.

I once heard that there are only 3 things which really hold a person back in life: unmet needs, insufficient distinctions /language and being incomplete. Being complete at all times is a skill worth mastering.

“We spend our lives doing what we are incomplete about.”

A young woman, interested in writing met a famous author at a party. “I wonder if you’d help me she asked. How many words are there in a novel?” The author was taken aback, but managed a sympathetic smile. “Well, that depends. A short novel would run about 65,000 words.” “You mean 65,000 words makes a novel?
Yes, he said hesitatingly, “more or less.”” Well, how do you like that she said gleefully. My book is finished!.””

In order to make room for the new, we have to complete the old. Of course, I never tell you anything that I haven’t been living lately and this is no exception. I’m packing to move and clearing out LOTS of old things. I threw out papers from many years ago – brought back memories, but, it’s no longer who I am. I had a little bit of a
nostalgic time going through all my old client folders… remembering and letting go.

Also called an old boyfriend that I never quite said goodbye to – I called to say hello and goodbye… Great feeling.

So, let’s begin by asking the question: WHY COMPLETE
Lack of completion in any area of our lives takes energy away from us… it lowers our self-esteem to have projects unfinished.
I interpret that to mean that incompletions dominate our lives until they are known and resolved.

Often people choose professions based on where they suffered in life (therapists, healers, financial planners, ministers?) hmm. Who knows… We all spend some part of our day engaged in activities that no longer have any bearing whatsoever on what we want to do.

Most people survive these incompletions, but in every instance there is a cost. Because the natural state of human beings is balance, wholeness and integrity, we lose power and energy when we are incomplete. Proof? Virtually everyone feels much better after having cleaned out a closet, or after a course is complete or a major project is finished.

I suggest that a person who has mastered the skill of being complete about everything as it occurs (after completing the past stuff) is someone who has virtually boundless and healthy energy. Their juice is not being sucked up
by the known and unknown stuff to which they have been accustomed to.

Want to move forward? Reinvent yourself? Trying to get clear on where you want to go? Where do you begin?
If you’re holding thoughts of poverty, scarcity or negativity, sweep them from your life to create uncontaminated space for prosperity to
dwell. Clean house. Literally and metaphorically…

We’ll always have incompletions in our lives and rarely is someone fully complete about past trauma such as losing a loved one or childhood damage. The point here, though, is that you can substantially enhance your well-being energy level and effectiveness by being more complete.

I’m certainly not talking about being manic about being complete all the time. Life is MESSY by nature. Go with the flow, but always get complete about the things or situations that you know will bug you later. Don’t step over anything.

More to follow in the days and weeks to come.

WHAT ARE INCOMPLETIONS, and where do they come from? incompletions are events which have occurred in our lives that passed by without our having done what was necessary to be complete (as in satisfied, handled fully,
responded powerfully) about.

Examples are as follows:
People we have not said I love you to – and want to;
A person with whom we have not made amends for wrongs we may have done.
Taxes unpaid.
Not stopping someone from saying things that hurt you
Doing something you considered wrong or not right
Not going for a goal you really wanted but were afraid to go for.
Not taking out the trash when it was full yesterday

There are important signs of being incomplete:
REGRET; REMORSE; SHAME; ANGER; DENIAL and continuing SADNESS.

What is a recurring problem you have individually? Collectively? Why does it keep coming back? What is the “complete work” you could do to have it complete forever.
Do it!! please. NOW. It is costing too much.

Years ago, I was part of a woman’s drumming circle whose members ranged from 7 to 97. At one meeting we were celebrating someone’s 50th birthday and the leader asked that only those 50 and older speak that night. Each person in turn talked about the freedom she finally felt to be herself. Many spoke of letting go of the need to please anyone else or to be so determined by what others might think. I remember noticing how riveted on every word the young girls were and thinking, “I wish I had heard these words when I was that age.” They were given a gift that day – to know that the aging process is a process of transformation and freedom rather than of decline and defeat. If you were never given that message, please hear it now.

Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. It can truly be an opportunity to allow yourself to fully live the life you’ve always wanted. Spiritual support is available to do this.
My favorite symbol is the dragonfly, because it represents transformation and its true colors don’t come out until it’s more mature. I have learned several things in my own growth that I want to share with you – secrets that will help you reinvent your own midlife.

The first secret is that all reinvention is an inside job. No botox or physical alteration or exterior make-over can give you what you can give yourself and must give yourself for any change to be lasting and significant. So, the most important thing you can do during this time of your life is to find a spiritual practice that will help you go within and discover what’s already there.

The second secret is that you don’t have to do it alone. When I was younger, I used to think it was a sign of weakness to get help. Now, I realize that I get clear on what I am thinking when I share it with someone else. Sometimes friends and family can serve that purpose, but often they are too close to see me objectively. So, for the past 10 years, I’ve been hiring coaches. I actually have several, to support different aspects of my life. I find the spiritual life coaches to be the most impactful, because they support me in going within and finding my own answers.

The third secret is to let go of what no longer serves you – including forgiving others and yourself. Forgiveness is key to any growth. Nature abhors a vacuum. So, in order for something new to emerge, it’s important to clean out the old. This goes for old clothing, sometimes it even means to release relationships that no longer serve you as well. But, the most important release is the one that allows you to let go of the past hurts. There are so many techniques and practices that make this possible – and it is essential to being able to move on.

The fourth secret is that there is no need to forgive! I realize that this may sound contradictory to the third point. But, if you really want to transform rather than just change, it’s important to discover that everything in your life has been what it needed to be. There are no victims, only volunteers. Life gives to you according to your beliefs and feelings and so, nothing has been an accident. This concept when fully embraced can make the most radical difference in your life. (More to follow on this in the newsletter).

The fifth secret is that you already do know what you want. Until you get clear on what you want, the Universe has no way of giving it to you. There are several things you can do to get clear on what you want. The first is to stop saying “I don’t know”. Just notice how often you say that and then say, “If I did know, what would it be.” You’ll be amazed at what’s already inside you.

The sixth secret is that not everything is changing. This one is essential. Most of us, when in transition do what I call awfulizing. We think that NOTHING is stable, that EVERYTHING is in flux. Get a handle on what is actually staying the same so you can feel grounded. Here’s a place where a coach can especially be helpful.

 The seventh secret is that your life has been a preparation for this time. I have found over and over that the things I have done in the past ALL support who I am becoming. It seldom works to think you are starting all over. When you recognize the resources you’ve already acquired, you’ll feel much more confident to move ahead.

Discover the qualities you already have within you. I promise it will make a huge difference in your life.

Would love to hear your thoughts… Please comment below…

Watch the video then Order the book by clicking on the link that follows:
You-Turn: Changing Direction in Midlife