Midlife Transition

Many readers will buy Jane Fonda’s latest book, “Prime Time: Love, health, sex, fitness, friendship, spirit?making the most of all of your life”, to see how a privileged member of Hollywood royalty has coped with aging, and they will get what they paid for. The 448-page book covers every imaginable aspect of aging, filtered through Fonda’s rich and varied 73 years, three marriages, writing, acting, and fitness careers. She personally conducted dozens of interviews for the book, and packed it with expert advice on everything from nutrition to Zen. Some of this we have heard before, such as the health, exercise, nutrition and sex advice. But when an important actress who looks as smashing as Fonda does at 73 writes about what has and hasn’t worked for her, books fly off the shelves.

The author

In case you need a refresher, Fonda is the daughter of actor Henry Fonda, sister of actor Peter Fonda, and aunt of actress Bridget Fonda (Peter’s daughter). She has two Academy Awards and two Emmys to her credit. Perhaps her best-known role was in 1981’s “On Golden Pond,” where she enacted her own real-life drama of reconnecting with her distant, dying father (played by Henry Fonda).

In the 1960s, Fonda began acting. The 1970s she won two Academy Awards for best actress (“Klute,” 1971, and “Coming Home,” 1977). She also became an activist, notoriously protesting the Vietnam War. In the 1980s, she pioneered women’s fitness with “Jane Fonda’s Workout,” which led to a best-selling series of books and videos. In the 1990s, she married Ted Turner, and began founding charities in Atlanta. She spent the 2000s writing her memoirs (“My Life So Far,” 2005), acting on Broadway (“Strange Interlude,” 2009) and starred in two movies (“Monster-In-Law,” 2005; and “Georgia Rule,” 2007). She also announced she had become a Christian. She continues her activism and charity work, and even survived breast cancer in 2010.

Now, more than a decade into her “third act,” (what Fonda calls ages 60-90) she is a single grandmother with a boyfriend, sharing her vision of what is possible as we age.

The book

There are 22 chapters in “Prime Time,” divided into five sections: Setting the Stage for the Rest of Your Life; Body, Brain, and Attitude; Friendship, Love and Sex; Pilgrims of the Future; and The Spiral of Becoming. These are followed by five appendices of how-to’s, and a lengthy index.

Much has been written about the two very detailed chapters Fonda devotes to sex (one titled “How to Get It Up in The Third Act.”) She even alludes to her own experiences with her boyfriend, Richard Perry. But there is a lot of good science and research here, as well. It’s obvious how important Fonda thinks a healthy sex life is, and she wants to be sure seniors know it is not out of reach for them.

However, the first and last sections of the book are the most intriguing. The book begins by Fonda recounting how she conducted her own “life review” as she approached her 60th birthday. She calls it “one of the smartest things I ever did.” For someone as productive and successful as Fonda, that’s saying a lot. Then she tells us how and why to do a life review later on in the book.

Fonda’s life review recounts her entire maturation process. Much of this reflects the sweep of baby boomer culture from the repressive 1950s to the Vietnam War era and the women’s movement to the changing families, attitudes, and globalization of today. Here and throughout the book, Fonda relates how her A-list friends and advisors have helped her along. It’s supplemented by many (almost too many) experts offering advice, quotes, poems, and research results.

That said, this is not a tell-all book. Fonda leaves out most personal details of her three ex-husbands and two children. But we learn that her mother, who had been sexually abused as a youth, tragically killed herself in a mental institution on her 42nd birthday, when Fonda was 12. That her father was distant and critical, telling Fonda she was fat. That she later battled anorexia and bulimia. That she suffered a breakdown at age 51 at the onset of menopause, and had plastic surgery at age 72. These challenges allow the author to step down from her celebrity pedestal. Readers will likely read on to see how she overcame them.

Near the end of the book, Fonda promotes “generativity”—the nurturing of the younger generation, to enrich the third act. Fonda has manifested this by founding the Georgia Campaign for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention. She recounts how she herself benefited from Katharine Hepburn’s wise mentoring during the filming of “On Golden Pond” 30 years ago. This is some of the best advice in the book.

The final chapters are frank discussions on preparing for one’s final resting place (literally) and the role of spirituality and meditation in the completeness of life.

This book covers so much ground, there is sure to be something that resonates for anyone from middle age on. If nothing else, the many gorgeous black-and-white photos taken of Fonda and her family across the generations make great eye candy. Even if you don’t read a word of the book, this carefully culled album beautifully depicts Fonda’s growth over time as a famous, accomplished woman with a large supporting cast.

One of the topics not discussed much in churches today is midlife transitions. I am talking about males in particular. I don’t feel qualified to talk about women. That topic is still a mystery to me.

Midlife transition happens to men. It affects them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The results are observable even though they may not recognize them. It is most observable when it becomes a midlife crisis which happens in one level or another to most of us. Crisis is simply a word that means a time when an important decision must be made. Since a change has taken place, decisions must be made. The only way to assure you will not survive is to refuse to change. Since you have changed, change must be chosen. Studies show midlife transition can begin as young as thirty years of age today.

Midlife transition, as a result of changes within yourself, cannot be avoided. You will experience negative emotions about the changes. They can manifest in the form of reevaluation of one’s life, feelings of hopelessness, disappointment in physical conditioning, depression, desire for irrational change, questioning your emotions toward your spouse, change in your sexual drive, irritability, spiritual lethargy, violation of your core value system, desire to escape, and possibly extra-marital affairs.

If you understand that just as a teenager going through hormonal changes can be pretty challenging, you can also understand an adult male going through chemistry changes can be pretty unpredictable as well. You may not understand what is going on. But there is help.

Solomon wrote a book sometimes referred to as “The Midlife Crisis Book”. It is called Ecclesiastes. He had gained tremendous wealth, incredible intellect, power, prestige, and certainly a lot of women. Yet, in his mid-years he began to question the value of all of those things.

He began to sink into a depression realizing that none of these temporal things were bringing him satisfaction at this point in his life. He finally came to the conclusion that all is vanity unless “one fears God and keeps his commandments for that is the duty of every man. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.” (12:13-14) This means we can’t just blame physiology and say, “My hormones made me do it.” We are still accountable for our choices.

Here is my advice for whatever it is worth.

Talk to your pastor or a mature spiritual male about your situation. Be proactive and purchase literature like Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway. Visit websites like fortysixy.org and midlife.com. Talk to your spouse so she knows it is not her. Visit with your physician. Get professional help if necessary.

It is a battle you can win if you take a level-headed approach. But in the end, you are going to have to press into God in a fresh, determined new way. God understands and He is with you. The Apostle Paul said that God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you”.

Oh, what unnecessary burdens we bear because we don’t take it all to the Lord in prayer. Sound familiar? Listen, if the smartest man in the world — Solomon — reasoned this out in his mind and came to a conclusion so good that God saw fit to include it in the Bible, then we need to take heed. Use this crisis as an opportunity to reorient yourself spiritually and press in to God in a brand new way. You’ll come out on a higher level than before.

God wants you to grow old well. This is the making of a sage.

Symbolisms of the Dragonfly

• Maturity and a Depth of character
  The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.The traditional association of Dragonflies with water also gives rise to this meaning to this amazing insect. The Dragonfly’s scurrying flight across water represents an act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looking into the deeper implications and aspects of life.

• Power and Poise
  The dragonfly’s agile flight and its ability to move in all six directions exude a sense of power and poise – something that comes only with age and maturity.
  The dragonfly can move at an amazing 45 miles an hour,  hover like a helicopter fly backwards like a hummingbird, fly straight up, down and on either side. What is mind blowing is the fact that it can do this while flapping its wings a mere 30 times a minute while mosquitoes and houseflies need to flap their wings 600 and 1000 times a minute respectively.The awe inspiring aspect is how the dragonfly accomplishes its objectives with utmost simplicity, effectiveness and well, if you look at proportions, with 20 times as much power in each of its wing strokes when compared to the other insects.  The best part is that the dragonfly does it with elegance and grace that can be compared to a veteran ballet dancer. If this is not a brazen, lazy, overkill in terms of display of raw power, what is?

• Defeat of Self Created Illusions
  The dragonfly exhibits iridescence both on its wings as well as on its body. Iridescence is the property of an object to show itself in different colors depending on the angle and polarization of light falling on it.This property is seen and believed as the end of one’s self created illusions and a clear vision into the realities of life. The magical property of iridescence is also associated with the discovery of one’s own abilities by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts one casts on his/her own sense of identity. This again indirectly means self discovery and removal of inhibitions.

• Focus on living ‘IN’ the moment
  The dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life and usually not more than a few months. This adult dragonfly does it all in these few months and leaves nothing to be desired. This style of life symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living IN the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.This ability lets you live your life without regrets like the great dragonfly.

• The opening of one’s eyes
  The eyes of the dragonfly are one of the most amazing and awe inspiring sights. Given almost 80% of the insect’s brain power is dedicated to its sight and the fact that it can see in all 360 degrees around it, it symbolizes the uninhibited vision of the mind and the ability to see beyond the limitations of the human self. It also in a manner of speaking symbolizes a man/woman’s rising from materialism to be able to see beyond the mundane into the vastness that is really our Universe, and our own minds.

 

The Tall Tales and the short stories

What can one say, for a harmless insect that does not bite, does not sew snakes’ wounds, and definitely does not measure human souls for good and evil, there have been a wide variety of myths and mythology associated with the life and the existence of the dragonfly.

But before we go down to the lore by location, one very striking aspect comes to mind. Change. In many regions and as a norm of this day, the dragonfly is considered to be an agent of change and presumably symbolic of a sense of self realization. Self realization from how the dragonfly uses its power to control its movements and so elegantly. And change and evolution is all about the dragonfly’s ability to fly and the way it can be comfortable on water, land as well as the air.

Asia and America

Let’s start with something nice. To the Japanese, it symbolizes summer and autumn and am admired and respected all over, so much so that the Samurai use it as a symbol of power, agility and best of all, Victory.

In China, people associate the dragonfly with prosperity, harmony and as a good luck charm.
Amongst Native Americans, it is a sign of happiness, speed and purity. Purity because the dragonfly eats from the wind itself

Europe and subsequently Australia

Beginning from calling the dragonfly, the witches’ animal, and that Satan sent it on earth to cause chaos and confusion, to calling it, Ear Cutter, Devil’s Needle, Adderbolt and worst of all, Horse Stinger, which soon spread Down Under, when the British colonized Australia. The name Horse Stinger comes from the misinformed observation that horses that were kicking and stamping around usually had a few dragonflies hovering around them. Fact remains though, that the dragonflies could well have been helping the horse by eating some of the parasitic insects that were doing the actual ‘horse stinging’.
Well, the Welsh call the dragonfly the snake’s servant and think they follow snakes and stitch up their wounds…and continuing with the misnomers, they are called eye pokers and eye snatchers in Portugal.

In Sweden, folklore suggests that we dragonflies come around to check for bad souls – to weigh souls to be more ‘accurate’ and elsewhere, believed to sneak up to children who tell lies and also adults who curse and scold, to stitch up their eyes, mouth, and ears respectively.

For a species of insects that have inhabited our planet for almost 300 million years, it is only natural perhaps that they have such a wide and varied perception amongst various civilizations.