Articles and blog posts about midlife crisis and midlife crisis symptoms flood the Internet landscape. Studies show that fewer than 10% of the people in the United States had experienced psychological crises due to their age or aging, documented in a 1999 large scale research study. Male and female crises are not common, despite the media hype surrounding the use of these terms.
I prefer to use the term midlife transition, which is empowering, whereas the term midlife crisis is dis-empowering. I know the subject of transition well because I have experienced it many times, as most mid lifers have. It is, however, important to realize that both a crisis and a transition include change.
Crisis, change, and transition
Crisis is an unstable situation of extreme danger or difficulty (online dictionary).
Change refers to an event which occurs when something in our life ends or is replaced by another event or way of doing something. Change is external; situational, like job loss or a divorce. It’s episodic and happens to you.
Transition is a gradual psychological re-orientation we experience as we try to adapt to change. It’s internal; it happens inside us.
A Different View
Dr. Fred Horowitz, a specialist in midlife development, asserts that midlife crisis is a “cultural story that is made up.”
William Bridges, an expert in transitions, says that the more accurate term to use when describing the process that ALL mid lifers go through is transition, not crisis.
His research shows that there are three phases to transition:
1. Ending, losing, letting go – you let go of old patterns and ways of being. This is a phase where you deal with loss.
2. The Neutral Zone – the old is gone and the new way isn’t fully integrated. It’s like the “gap” that a trapeze artist experiences when they let go of one trapeze and haven’t yet grasped the next one.
3. The New Beginning – you come out of the in-between time or the “gap” I refer to above. You are in a place where you can recreate yourself and create a new future for yourself.
Being in the Gap
It is well known that the Chinese character for crisis also represents opportunity. That is how the many transitions in my life have occurred to me. A case in point was my divorce. Although it was a major transition in my life, I never viewed it as a crisis.
I went through other “major” transitions in life. For example, I felt in the “gap,” referred to above, after I completed my doctorate in 1995 at 48 years of age. I experienced a certain fear and anxiety about what to do next. I was now faced with a “blank canvas.” What the heck was I going to do now?
How to Deal with Midlife Transitions
1. Allow yourself to “be” – to be in the space of not knowing, yet trusting that things will unfold and will turnout. Things always workout, no matter what drama we add to our lives.
2. Complete unfinished business of the past – take care of things left undone or unsaid; let go of resentments, regrets and remorse.
3. Practice the art of “being” – exercise, being in nature, meditation, breathing, yoga offer simple, yet practical ways of being. Find something that works for you.
4. Seek help from a professional like a coach, counselor, therapist.
5. Join a support group.
Dr. Frank Bonkowski writes about midlife career change, goal setting, education, self-discovery, and spirituality to leverage your midlife transition into lifelong happiness at Happiness-After-Midlife.com. Look for his forthcoming e book, entitled Take Charge of Midlife and Beyond: 52 Ideas and Activities for Dealing with Life’s Challenges – Aging, Change, Financial Matters, and More!
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