Fear of Death
Growing Into Contemplative Seeing
Dualistic thinking is the well-practiced pattern of knowing most things by comparison. And for some reason, once you compare or label things (that is, “judge” them), you almost always conclude that one is good and the other is less good or even bad. In the first half of life, this provides ego boundaries and clear goals, which creates a nice clean “provisional personality.” But it is not close to the full picture that we call truth.
Dualistic thinking works only for a while to get us started, but if we are honest, it stops being helpful in most real-life situations. It is fine for teenagers to think that there is some moral or “supernatural” superiority to their chosen baseball team, their army, their ethnic group, or even their religion or gender; but one hopes that later in life they learn that such polarity is just an agreed-upon game. Your frame should grow larger as you move toward the Big Picture in which one God creates all and loves all, both Dodgers and Yankees, blacks and whites, Palestinians and Jews, gays and straights, Americans and Afghanis.
Non-dualistic thinking or both-and thinking is the benchmark of our growth into the second half of life. This more calm and contemplative seeing does not appear suddenly, but grows almost unconsciously over many years of conflict, confusion, healing, broadening, loving, and forgiving reality. It emerges gradually as we learn to “incorporate the negative,” learn from what we used to exclude, or, as Jesus put it, “forgive our enemies” both within and without.
You no longer need to divide the field of every moment between up and down, totally right or totally wrong, for or against. It just is what it is. This inner calm allows you to confront what must be confronted with even greater clarity and incisiveness. This stance is not at all passivity. It is, in fact, the essential link between true contemplation and skillful action. The big difference is that your small and petty self is now out of the way, and if God wants to use you or love you, which God always does, God’s chances are far better now!
Adapted from Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life,
pp. 146-148
OCT31
The 5 Things That Spook People Over 50
What to do about the scary stuff that makes middle-aged spines shiver posted by Donna Sapolin
Forget things that go bump in the night, global warming, Congressional paralysis, creepie crawlies and assault weapons. There are five other worries that make the hearts of middle-aged folks leap into their throats on a regular basis. The good news is it’s totally within our power to chase these evils away — or, at least, diminish their hold on us.
1. Declining memory Sporadic forgetfulness, slower reaction times and other glitches in cognitive processes can result from an aging brain. Some symptoms may point to dementia and Alzheimer’s; others shouldn’t trouble you.
On the bright side, the latest research tells us there are many things we can do to take advantage of the brain’s natural plasticity to reverse the aging process, sharpen our abilities and ward off debilitating brain disease. Examples:
Preserve mental health and acuity by engaging with the arts, particularly dance.
Eat less saturated fat from animal products, which cause the brain to produce beta-amyloid, a protein that contributes to Alzheimer’s. Instead we can consume brain-protecting foods like Vitamin E-rich nuts (about 1.5 ounces or 8 milligrams a day will do), vegetables, beans and a small amount of fruits and whole grains.
Exercise! Walking briskly just three times a week for an hour has been shown to boost the connectivity within brain circuits.
Get a good night’s sleep. A recent study, published in the journal Science, proves that during sleep the brain cleans out the toxic cellular waste products it creates during the day, thereby preventing their build-up. Remain curious, challenge yourself to learn new things and explore things you’re passionate about. By deepening knowledge and skills, we help our brains to thrive.
2. Increased loneliness and isolation Society is now afflicted with a growing isolation epidemic. More adults 50 and older are not only living longer, they’re living apart from family members, divorcing, and becoming separated or widowed. In addition, they begin interacting with fewer people, a fact of midlife.
But people who describe themselves as lonely are at far greater risk of developing dementia and other health problems. It’s vital that we seek out ways to engage with others. Here are some ways to do that:
Make new friends, both young and old. Sign up for classes, get active in social media platforms, hit the gym and join networking groups. Above, all, open your mind and heart to the possibility of fresh connections.
When retiring, think about living close to your friends and family members instead of moving far away, as so many people do.
Rehab your relationship dynamics by following Dr. Terri Orbuch’s (aka “the love doctor”) expert advice on Next Avenue. Overhauling unhealthy habits and participating in therapy sessions may be among life’s more difficult missions, but they can help you secure peace of mind and critical emotional nourishment.
Consider a communal living arrangement — the options are numerous and include co-housing, NORCs (Naturally Occuring Retirement Communities) and living with one or more roommates.
Mentor others. We can derive great satisfaction from passing on our knowledge and, in the process, forge enriching bonds.
(MORE: 9 Most Common Regrets of the Living and Dying — and What to Do About Them)
3. Big debts, little savings The 50+ crowd is facing a perfect storm: the prospect of living on a fixed income at the exact time that government entitlement benefits are at risk of being curtailed and health care needs and costs are soaring.
Many are counting on their ability to continue to work well into older age, yet they will need to sustain good health and secure employment despite the known difficulties of landing a job after the age of 55. Suggestions:
Analyze how much money you will need to retire and still be able to afford the lifestyle you expect. A good online calculator, like the Ballpark E$timate from the Employee Benefit Research Institute, can help.
Work on reducing debts, especially credit card bills, which carry high interest rates.
Prioritize saving. Evaluate all aspects of your lifestyle to see what you can cut back and then apply the ax. This may even mean downsizing your home. You should also contribute as much as possible to 401(k) accounts, reallocate your investments to reduce related fees and build a health care emergency fund.
Hire an astute financial adviser to help you devise a smart plan, which may include delaying Social Security benefits.
To find a job, implement these well-proven strategies: shorten your resumé and incorporate keywords into it, spend more time networking and less time using broad-based job boards and develop a strong, positive online presence.
4. Greater physical frailty and risk of illness The majority of us are carrying extra pounds; many have high blood pressure, diabetes or high cholesterol; and our knees, feet or back may be aching.
There’s no question that the aging process itself leads to increased frailty, but lifestyle behaviors magnify and accelerate health problems. Changing just a few of our habits can go a long way toward enhancing vitality and longevity. Here’s how:
Opt for a Mediterranean diet that emphasizes olive oil, fish, legumes, fruits, vegetables and unrefined grains — and vastly reduce your consumption of sugar and salt.
Try intermittent fasting, which provides enormous health benefits: Eat a Mediterranean diet (about 2,200 to 2,400 calories a day for men; 1,600 to 1,800 per day for women) five days a week and consume only a quarter of your usual calorie intake the other two (non-consecutive) days.
Sit less. Recent studies have shown that sitting more than three hours a day can cut life expectancy by two years even if you exercise regularly during the week. Get up at least a couple of times every hour when working at the computer or watching television and move around. Also, stand up while talking on the phone.
Instead of skipping your workout session because of aches and pains, learn how to adjust common exercises to accommodate your infirmities. To make exercise a priority, schedule your sessions in your calendar and find a workout buddy, which will help keep you motivated.
Reduce stress by practicing meditation, allowing yourself to focus on one task at a time, using relaxation apps and choosing to be happy.
(MORE: 30 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Die)
5. Death Every day, we get a step closer to “the end.” Although we are living longer than ever, by this point many of us have witnessed the passing of one or more loved ones and the final stage is all the more real and perhaps also scarier to us. To reduce your fear of death:
Take serious inventory: Think about how you would like to spend the second half of your life, what you would like to accomplish and what regrets you would like to resolve. Dr. Lissa Rankin advises that you be “unapologetically you.”
Connect with the most vibrant part of yourself — the child-like spirit that is endlessly curious, appreciates adventure and learning and dives readily into new things. Allow your dreams and passions to ignite you.
Practice forgiveness, which is about remembering and telling your story, confronting and absorbing it fully, refusing to give in to anger and revenge and holding on to your humanity.
Stop fighting your enemies. Anger and hostility and the underlying aspects of ourselves that fuel these emotions hold us captive. They are our worst enemies. We can transform our experiences with adversaries into deep learning experiences by recognizing that they are, in fact, our teachers.
Mend rifts with adult children and parents. Give up the need to be “right” and work on yourself (perhaps with the help of a professional counselor) to avoid repeating the same offenses. This will help you shape a new, healthier dynamic.
Remember, some of the fiends that haunt us are of our own making. But even if they aren’t, we can take action to bust the boogeymen.
Dying Deliciously
“The hills are alive with the sound of mommy!“
That is the opening sentence my sister wrote for our mother’s obituary. The day before Thanksgiving, 2014, our beloved friend and nurturer was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and given 5 months to live. I was doing my own dance with ovarian cancer for the second time. Visiting her in the hospital, I became aware of how vulnerable I was, still in chemotherapy treatment. I was already in remission so with the approval of my oncologist, I stopped three sort of the 18 weak protocol to walk mommy home.
My sister and I agreed that Mom would only die once so we vowed to make it a good death! Whatever that meant… One of us was with her all the time. We would take turns, one or two weeks at a time, never knowing of course how much time we have left with her.
Pancreatic cancer can be very nasty way to go. Life was filled with doctors appointments, paracentesis and other procedures, a plethora of pills, and visits from friends. The pills made her crazy at times and she would lash out. It was way too easy to get my feelings hurt but I had to remember over and over again that she was not herself.
Years ago an acquaintance asked her what the secret was to having such a good relationship with her daughters, because her daughters and her own relationship was in turmoil. My mom said something to her and forgot all about it. Two years later, this same friend found my mom and threw her arms around her! She thanked her profusely for changing her relationship with her kids! My mom asked “what did I say?”
“Let every thought I think, let every word I speak, let everything I do be out of love.“ That sums up Mommy all right! So when she was acting crazy and less than loving because of her illness and the drugs, that became my mantra. It wasn’t easy. I know from being on both sides, it’s much easier being the patient than it is a caregiver! I have never felt so helpless in my life.
One of the many lessons mom taught us was to embrace and honor our feelings. She believed that every emotion had value when harnessed and embraced. “It’s not the emotion itself that causes harm,” she’d say, “it’s what we do with our emotions that can cause harm.” Mommy taught us how to cry! She believed that tears are a fabulous way to release grief and that anger was a normal response and could be channeled for great creativity! So I guess it didn’t surprise me when my sister and I both came to the same conclusion after one side gripping, gut wrenching, grief releasing crying jag just weeks before she passed. This is DELICIOUS!
Wait a minute, how can death be delicious? It wasn’t death itself, but the accompanying angst that is so much a part of who we are! How could we ignore or push away this pain? Wasn’t it true that we felt so bad because we loved so good!? Her friends got it. We invited them one or two at a time to come be with mom whenever they could. It was a nice time for me or my sister to get away for an hour or two. But it was a precious way of including her beloved friends that otherwise would’ve been left in the dark.
I had found and joined the Threshold Choir in 2012, as I was finishing the first dance of 18 weeks of chemo. I have been singing all my life, but singing at the bedside for people who are hovering between life and death, is by far the most sacred way I have ever used my voice. Mommy was a singer. My sister and I sang together in harmony as often as we possibly could throughout our entire lives. It was one of Mom’s biggest thrills… To hear us laugh and sing. So it was the most natural thing in the world to sit on either side of her, hold hands, and sing her home. On April 20, 2015, pretty close to five months from the initial diagnosis, mommy gave my sister and I her last breath as we sang her home.
Now I know what I want to do with my dying breath. To be sung to in lullaby tones is to be cradled in the arms of song. There are about 300 songs available to this international organization. Song was written specifically for this precious purpose. I have written songs that are in the repertoire and that I want sung to me. Singing is such a personal gift, such a vulnerable act and so incredibly sacred, that it transcends tears and trauma. I want to give my last breath to those singing me to the other side! I might have that opportunity sooner than later.
In August, my oncologist said I had 12 to 18 months to live, with treatment now that will only slow down the progress of the disease. With the help of my friends, choir members, sister and other family members, I choose to live in harmony. I choose to share widely, to sing softly, to love deeply, to die deliciously.
Come sing me home!
Lauren Lane Powell
Bio. Lauren Lane Powell is an expert vocal coach, recording artist composer, keynote speaker and author of the book “Holy Shift! Everything’s a Gift!”
She has been featured in Bloom magazine, New Horizons, and the Daily Word. She is a codirector of threshold choir, here in Bloomington and is a regular contributor to the International Threshold choir Newsletter.
Lauren has been interviewed on radio shows with hosts like, Sandra Champlain, (Richard Brenden) Cathy Dewitt and George Whitten to name a few.
She has been the main keynoter speaker for the Unity Minister conference, several Great Lakes Unity Musician’s Conferences, and the Judith Coates Jeshua retreat,
She has a degree from Indiana University in voice and music education.
Lauren traveled extensively throughout the US and Puerto Rico facilitating her Sing For Your Soul and Harmonies of Healing workshops where her motto is “If you can laugh you can sing!”
Death Makes Life Possible
I’m in the midst of creating a new product which is all about Conscious Aging and overcoming the fear of aging. Of course, that includes overcoming the fear of death as well. I’ve been reading a lot lately about this and as baby boomers age, the conversation gets more prevalent. I recently came across a new film that addresses this issue. Here’s the trailer:
Aging With Awareness
Consciousness and Healing: An Anthology of Integral
Approaches to Mind/Body Medicine. Elseveir, 2004.Ron Valle, Ph.D. and Mary Mohs, L.V.N., M.A.
Awakening: A Center for Exploring Living and Dying
9701 Deer Valley Road
Brentwood, CA 94513
When we resist aging, we resist life itself, since aging is inherent in living. Suffering results when we push away what is real. Many of us fear growing older; we resist reflecting on our later years, what we will look like, how we will feel, and, hence, we suffer. Healing is the easing of this fear and its resultant suffering. We heal by opening to the changes in life and allowing what is real to naturally evolve. In this chapter, we will explore the anatomy of this process and how wisdom emerges as we bring awareness to the full breadth of our lives.Aging, Grieving, and the Fear of Death
Aging through our later years can be a remarkable time for increasing self-understanding and deepening one’s spiritual awareness. To see this opportunity, however, requires a special sensitivity to these possibilities and an atmosphere of mutual support and encouragement. Rather than guiding us in this direction, our society has regrettably glorified the benefits of our youthful years while minimizing and degrading the elderly and the value of the aging process. Focusing on youth while pushing away the constant change involved in aging reflects our culture’s denial of the ever-changing process that life is, as well as, ultimately, of death itself. Until we accept all of life, we cannot truly live. In light of this, it is essential to recognize the sacredness of every human being, regardless of age, as well as the unfolding wisdom inherent in the aging process itself.
We know in our hearts that living, dying, and grieving are inseparable, each dependent on the other two for its meaning and purpose. In fact, although they are often treated as opposites, life and death are two aspects of a greater, single process with aging and grieving as the connecting glue. Grieving is the painful response we have to the loss of someone or something we have become attached to, a response we experience quite often to one degree or another given that change and loss are in the very fabric of life itself. As Levine (1982) has pointed out, the degree of grief that we will experience whenever change occurs in our lives is directly related to how much we resist this change here and now in the present moment.
When we begin to live mindful of aging and dying, however, grief is honored as a natural response to loss, and death becomes a mirror in which life is understood and prioritized in a new way. Life, death, and grief are everywhere, whether it be the birth of a new idea, heartbreak at the death of a child, or a leaf falling from a tree. In this way, we begin to accept and celebrate the constant flow of life’s transitions rather than fearing the next turn in the road. Thus, to the extent that we can let go into the mystery of life, we find true peace and love in the aging process.
Ram Dass (2000) and Bianchi (1995) both see aging as a means of deepening our spiritual awareness, and that looking within ourselves is central in this process. Ram Dass, reflecting on his own personal process of growing older and struggling to accept difficult changes in his own life, describes the emotional and spiritual benefits that come with embracing aging, changing, and dying. By shifting our perspective on the nature of pain and loss, new ways of being with grief emerge. Ram Dass expands on this process:
When we cease to resist our grief, we learn that, painful though it may be, grief is an integral part of elder wisdom, a force that humbles and deepens our hearts, connects us to the grief of the world, and enables us to be of help. Grief need not paralyze the heart or become a garment for the ego….We must be able to step outside our egos, as Soul. Otherwise we are likely to be swept away by one or the other of grief’s common fallouts, either closing our hearts in fear of the magnitude of our own [and others’] feelings and shrinking our lives to a “safe” zone that leaves us feeling half-alive; or becoming professional mourners, caught in the past with its loss and regret, unable to let go or to enjoy the present (p. 50).
Consistent with Ram Dass’ emphasis, Bianchi emphasizes that a spirituality of middle age and elderhood calls for a turning inward, for a deeper contemplative and meditative life. Such an approach stands against the tide of our culture that expects the middle-aged, and even the elderly, to compete externally with much of the ardor of youth.
Within our culture, conventional ways of being with suffering and the dying process continue to reflect, on an institutional level, the deepest individual fear: the fear of death. Rather than being recognized as the natural companion of life, death is seen as an outside threat to that life, something to be controlled with our latest drugs and surgical techniques. Or, when the dying process cannot be avoided or significantly delayed, it is often hidden away in nursing homes or the back rooms of special hospital floors.
This same fear of death, left unexamined and unfelt, spills over into our lives. Our need to control others and the environment is our attempt to cope with this fear. Our unwillingness to grow old is one of its manifestations. Restrained by self-imposed limits, we keep ourselves from living in a creative, loving, and meaningful way. We are afraid to live because we don’t want to die. We resist change because we don’t want to grieve. Rather than celebrating the rich variety and beauty of human expression as it naturally emerges as one grows older and approaches the end of one’s life, our emotional and passionate responses are often greeted with disapproval and mistrust. As we progress through our senior years, we are increasingly patronized and treated like children. Gentle acceptance and appreciation are simply not the norm.
Understanding One’s Responses to Loss
A simple awareness of how most individuals typically respond to significant or impending losses in their lives can be very helpful, even healing, in being with a present or soon-to-be realized loss in one’s own life. Whether you have just heard of a dear friend’s death, realized the natural decline of your health with age, or have just been told by your doctor that you have a terminal illness and only have a month to live, your reactions might very well be intense and very painful. Understanding the natural process of grieving can lessen the fear that often comes when we are lost in overwhelming grief. The following three stages or types of response reflect the process most of us go through when experiencing real or impending loss (see, e.g., Grassman, 1992; Mohs, 1995; Worden, 1982):
1. Shock (can last from weeks to months)— This often includes:
feeling stunned
physical, emotional, and intellectual numbness
denial (e.g., “No! It can’t be true!”)
feeling confused and crazy
everything in life taking on an unreal quality
loss of self-identity
2. Reaction and disorganization— This often includes:
anger and protest (e.g., “The doctors don’t know what they’re talking about!”)
loss of appetite; overeating
self-criticism and guilt
preoccupation with thoughts regarding the loss;
absent-mindedness
yearning and searching (for the loved one lost)
avoiding (painful reminders)
having a sense of the loved one’s presence
nausea, weakness, shortness of breath, sleep disturbance
increased use of alcohol and other drugs
bargaining (“If I can live until my daughter’s wedding, I will die peacefully.”)
depression, withdrawal, apathy, and loneliness
aimlessness; restlessness
frequent crying and sighing
anxiety and inactivity
3. Acceptance and “letting go”— This often includes:
talking about the loss without intense emotion
reorganization — less preoccupation with the loss
being more open to new ideas and behavior
trusting more in the process of life
finding meaning in life and death
realizing the grace in grieving
more interest in serving others
seeing relationships as more important than material possessions
a deepening of spiritual awareness
seeing grieving as a personally transforming experience
Although written words themselves cannot truly touch the deep pain of grief, knowing that there is a recognized process that most grieving individuals go through can serve as a ground for one’s thoughts, feelings, and sanity itself when the intense waves of grief appear.
Opening to the Value of Aging
During the last phase of life, we have more time to reflect on the nature of life and death. This is a time when we have a special opportunity to open to our inner process and bring greater clarity, meaning, and peace into our lives. In our earlier years, we focused mainly on doing— getting married, buying a house, raising a family, and building our career— there wasn’t much time for simply being or reflecting. In our later years, we are preparing to leave this world. Loss is everywhere. Our friends are dying or moving, our house and possessions are being sold or given away, we no longer have our careers, our family is often too busy to spend time with us, and our health is deteriorating. We become rigid and resistant to pain to the extent that we hold onto what we are losing. As we let go and open more fully to life, there is a greater realization of what the present moment has to offer. Our deepest wisdom and understanding thereby emerge.
Christine Longaker (1997), hospice director, author, and world lecturer, describes four dimensions or characteristics she has come to recognize in persons who are facing the end of their lives:
1) The elderly look for meaning in their lives. This search for meaning includes exploring past experiences, recognizing the times they felt love for themselves and others, and finding understanding and forgiveness for that which they regret.
2) They reflect on past relationships and wish they could resolve those relationships that are remembered as discordant. Communicating more effectively with their families can be of help in this process. It is, therefore, important to explore where each person feels unfinished with his or her past since opening to past experiences often helps to resolve these conflicts, relaxing the mind and freeing one’s energy.
3) They also want to understand the physical and emotional pain that they are experiencing and to find some relief. Such relief often comes by finding a purpose for this suffering. One purpose that many spiritual traditions recognize is that the experience of suffering provides an opportunity to offer this suffering for the benefit of others. Seeing one’s pain in this transpersonal way (see, e.g., Valle & Mohs, 1998) transforms the solely personal meaning of the pain. This selfless intention leaves its mark in the collective awareness shared by all human beings thereby reducing the fear and pain of countless individuals throughout the world. Consider Sogyal Rinpoche’s (1992) words:
Recently one of my students came to me and said: “My friend is in pain, and dying of leukemia. He is already frighteningly bitter; I’m terrified that he’ll drown in bitterness. He keeps asking me: ‘What can I do with all this useless, horrible suffering?’” My heart went out to her and her friend. Perhaps nothing is as painful as believing that there is no use to the pain you are going through. I told my student that there was a way that her friend could transform his death even now, and even in the great pain he was enduring: to dedicate, with all his heart, the suffering of his dying, and his death itself, to the benefit and ultimate happiness of others. I told her to tell him: “Imagine all the others in the world who are in a pain like yours. Fill your heart with compassion for them. And pray to whomever you believe in and ask that your suffering should help alleviate theirs. Again and again dedicate your pain to the alleviation of their pain. And you will quickly discover in yourself a new source of strength, a compassion you’ll hardly be able now to imagine, and a certainty, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that your suffering is not only not being wasted, but has now a marvelous meaning (p. 219).”
4) Finally, they reflect on death, what it is like and how to prepare for it. Exploring their feelings and beliefs about death can help them discover the depths of their spirituality and can bring a sense of greater peace and joy. Connecting with a respected spiritual leader or teacher and praying or meditating in a way that feels right to them can also be helpful.
Gradually as one goes within and opens to all four of these dimensions, one becomes more authentic (i.e., true to oneself) and less reactive to life. In this way, we slowly become more accepting of the changes that accompany aging.
Growing Older Gracefully
What does the cliche “growing old gracefully” really mean? My (Mary’s) mother used to say that one needs to grow old gracefully in order to truly live and feel the joy of life. This requires a true transformation in how we view life as well as, perhaps most importantly, how we hold on to what is pleasant and familiar. Our youthful identity and vitality are, for example, especially difficult to surrender. The aging process can be an opportunity for such a transformation. In order for this transformation to occur, one must be willing to be present with what is happening in the moment including opening to one’s own inner process. This involves letting go of expectations and past beliefs or experiences that may mask or block what is true in the moment. This letting go allows a deep and natural joy, a joy that lies beyond pleasure and pain, to emerge.
As we become older we have a tendency to resist change and to close out the world around us. In order to open to life, we need to open our minds and hearts. Whenever we get caught in the grip of our own or others’ criticism, or when we ruminate about that which we cannot change, we can consciously and compassionately become more spacious by watching the mind and observing its negative patterns. Rather than trying to analyze why we are feeling frightened, angry, jealous, or lonely, we can observe these feelings, as we sense them in our bodies, with compassion and allow them to simply be.
Working with one’s self in this way can be a true spiritual practice. By softening and opening to the painful feelings that we’ve always run away from in the past, we eventually see what is behind them. We thereby open to the mystery, to the sacred dimensions of life.
Conclusion
The approach offered in this chapter is truly integral in that it shares a perspective offered by many of the world’s great spiritual traditions, namely, that all apparently separate phenomena and processes in life emanate from the same underlying transcendent reality or source. For example, consider the words of Swami Rama (1996) of the Himalayan Yoga Tradition:
Life’s purpose is to know the distinction between what is outside and fleeting, and what is inside and eternal, and to discover through practice and experience the infinite value of one to the other. Once this experience is realized, life takes on a joyful meaning and the fear of death evaporates (pp. 4-5).
Aging while retaining this level of awareness is a challenge in our culture. It is understandable that many of us feel trapped in an aging body while the world around us constantly celebrates the pleasures of youth. Aging with awareness requires being present in each moment and being willing to open to life and all of its complexities. The process of playing one’s part in life and then letting go of the effects of one’s actions is emphasized in many of the world’s scriptures (e.g., the Bible and the Bhagavad Gita). Given that we have become attached to persons and things of the world, letting go is a process that involves grieving the losses in our lives. By opening to this process, we develop gratitude, patience, compassion, confidence, fearlessness, authenticity, harmony, joy, inspiration, and peace of mind.
The value of aging involves the journey within. Meditation, contemplation, prayer, journaling, reading inspirational works, dream-work, poetry, and keeping silence are all means that one can use to enter and explore one’s inner space. Ram Dass (2000) tells us that: “Without acknowledging the soul level or cultivating a soul consciousness, we are like passengers trapped on a sinking ship (p. 128).” If we can see the aging process as an unfolding opportunity to gain deeper wisdom by discriminating external phenomena from internal reality and by opening to the fullness of life, rather than resisting the pain and contracting into our ego-selves, much of our needless suffering will be eased.
References
Bianchi, E. (1995). Aging as a spiritual journey. New York: Crossroad.
Grassman, D. (1992). Turning personal grief into personal growth. Nursing92, April, 43-47.
Levine, S. (1982). Who dies? An investigation of conscious living and conscious dying. Garden City, NY: Anchor Books.
Longaker, C. (1997). Facing death and finding hope: A guide to the emotional and spiritual care of the dying. New York: Doubleday.
Mohs, M. (1995). The grief experience. Brentwood, CA: Awakening Press.
Ram Dass (2000). Still here. Embracing aging, changing, and dying. New York: Riverhead Books.
Rama, S. (1996). Sacred journey; Living purposefully and dying gracefully. New Delhi, India: Himalayan International Institute of Yoga Science and Philosophy.
Rinpoche, S. (1992). The Tibetan book of living and dying. San Francisco: Harper.
Valle, R. S. and Mohs, M. (1998). Transpersonal awareness in phenomenological inquiry: Philosophy, reflections, and recent research. In W. Braud and R. Anderson (Editors), Transpersonal Research Methods for the Social Sciences: Honoring Human Experience. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. pp. 95-113.
Worden, J. (1982). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner. New York: Springer.