Conscious Aging

9 Practices for Conscious Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

By: Marilyn Schlitz

As I live into my own process of aging, my worldview has been informed by the depth and insight of many great teachers. These include masters from different wisdom traditions, health care practitioners, friends facing end of life, and researchers studying the transformative nature of death, dying, and beyond. For decades, the team at the Institute of Noetic Sciences has conducted research, created educational programs, and engaged in conversations on transformations in consciousness. We have been led to an ever-expanding appreciation for the aging process and its transformative potentials. We also have found ourselves moved by a great calling to help reduce the suffering that so many experience. During this process, we have identified nine practices that can help people engage the fullness of their lives, each and every moment.

1. Reflect on Your Assumptions. Stop long enough to reflect on your worldview, beliefs, stereotypes, and assumptions. How might they be limiting you or holding you back? What do you need to change to reflect your highest values and most noble aspirations?

2. Reframe Your Inner Talk. Take note of your critical self-talk, bringing the inner critic into more conscious awareness to help reframe these internal messages as more positive and self-compassionate. As you invite equanimity and self-compassion, wonder and awe into your daily life, even the most mundane aspects of experience can become sacred.

3. Shift Your Perspective. Clear a space in your life that turns away from the popular media and the weapons of “mass distraction” that shape the dominant culture’s view of aging. Find opportunities to pause and ask yourself where you find joy, goodness, and connections. Write down major moments of transformation that have led you to who you are and what gives you meaning. As philosopher Soren Kierkegaard noted, “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.”

4. Practice Mindful Attention. Bring your attention toward greater self-awareness through simple activities such as meditation, contemplative prayer, journal writing, walks in nature, gardening with mindfulness, and somatic subtle-energy body practices. What do you need to surrender or leave behind? How can you conserve your energy for what has heart and meaning? What still needs healing or forgiveness?

5. Set Intentions. Ask yourself, “What matters most? What values do I want to adhere to?” Based on these reflections, you can craft an intentionality statement so that when challenges and opportunities arise, you will have developed an inner compass with which to navigate and make more conscious life choices.

6. Build New Habits. Challenge your brain with new learnings, explore new activities, dance often, connect with people of different generations, ask a child about his life, or do something new every day. Neuroscience offers us hope that such new habits are possible as we lay down new neural pathways that can help us see the world and ourselves in new ways. As Gandhi said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

7. Find Guidance. Find a skilled teacher, a study group, and/or a social network that supports your explorations. Whether in virtual or proximal social settings, connecting with others offers a way of living into new patterns and behaviors.

8. Move from I to We. While aging is a personal process, conscious aging is more than a personal quest. It can infuse your life as you promote the transformation of your community. Altruism and compassion born of shared destiny, rather than duty or obligation, can emerge and add joy and purpose to your actions.

9. Death Makes Life Possible. An important part of positive trans-formation involves a reflection on one’s own cosmology of what happens after we die. There are many maps or worldviews on this question, revealing a wide range of viewpoints. In considering them, people can find comfort and a set of possibilities for their understanding. As people grow older, as they come to face their own mortality, they can bring greater awareness to the transformative process that allows a deeper experience of their life journey.

– See more at: http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/nine-practices-conscious-aging#sthash.JzzrW9wU.dpuf

Ram Dass – Lessons on Gratitude

Posted on by Dr. Toni

One of the spiritual lessons I have found quite useful over the years is that there is a great deal of difference between pain and suffering.   Pain is a sensation in the body or in our psychological bodies. Suffering comes only because of the way we choose to interpret the pain as something NOT GOOD – and therefore Not GOD!

I’ve worked with many people who, in the process of aging, have discovered that one of the most poignant ways we learn is through our bodies when they experience illness or pain. I’m reminded of the story about one of the founders of Unity, Myrtle Fillmore. She cured herself by blessing and thanking each organ of her body, praising intelligence within and encouraging it to come to new life! Rather than complain about the pain, she looked for ways to feel gratitude.

Before we can actually begin to be grateful for what we are experiencing in our bodies, we first need to accept what is. There’s a difference between healing and curing. Healing is KNOWING there is nothing wrong!! – Curing is about fixing something so that it can meet our expectation of health or wholeness in any area of our life, remembering that our expectation may not be the highest HEALING!

I have a friend who exemplifies this perfectly. Recently, I got a letter from Jan – who has been mostly confined to bed in utter pain for the past several years. She wrote a long litany of all the reasons she was grateful I was in her life these past few years. It was very moving for me and I’m so asserted that it was healing for her as well.

I recently read a book that reminded me of this once again. Many of you may know Richard Alpert who is more popularly known as RAM DASS. He’s been a leader in the human potential movement since the psychedelic 60’s with Timothy Leary. He then spent years following a guru from India, Maharajii– and doing teachings on higher levels of awareness all over the world.   He wrote several books – one of the most famous being Be Here Now. In the last few years, he had a stroke that left him paralyzed and one of his more recent books is on coping with Aging, Change and Dying. It’s called Still Here. Profound reading!

Ram Dass and Jan got me thinking a lot about the aging process and the opportunities it provides for living either in gratitude or complaint.

Ram Dass talks of several areas of suffering of those who are aging. (I could argue that most of these apply to all of us.) He calls these the usual suspects.

a) Memory Lapse – many people experience bouts of what they call senility (isn’t that one of our greatest fears – losing our minds?) But in the stories he tells, every person feels a sense of gratitude for finally they are able to live in the moment! Could that be what memory loss is attempting to teach us? It’s worth pondering.

b) Loneliness – learn to be quiet and be the witness of it with no denial of feelings. Feel what is. Be aware of your desire to cling to old experiences – or to the desire to relieve the loneliness by whatever means possible..

How to be grateful when you feel lonely? Know that loneliness is not aloneness – which is a moment for the Soul – be quiet, meditate, get to know yourself,

We are never alone. Reach out to someone nearby through your soul who may be feeling the same way. Through compassion and a genuine wish for the suffering of others to cease. When it can’t worry about itself, the ego becomes powerless to feed its own fears. Loneliness can become one of our greatest connections to God and to one another.

c) Embarrassment — Ram Dass at 63 tried to jump on a stage and wound up with his leg mangled and bleeding. He was almost ready to pass out. What he said of this experience was that it gave him the opportunity to let go of self-consciousness. He advises that when we allow ourselves to BECOME the embarrassment and give it complete domination then we can actually feel gratitude rather than complaint.

d)     Powerlessness – when we feel powerless, we are actually viewing the world as a foe rather than friend. So, one secret of spiritual practice is that our limits may become our strengths if we learn to work with them skillfully.   As our bodies slow down, we can use this change to increase our mindfulness. I invite you this week to look at what you think is your major limitation – and for ONE WEEK – see if you can find how it is really your greatest strength. Our cross is really our crown.

e)      Loss of role/meaning – before the ego attaches meaning to itself, we simply ARE.

The way to recognize meaning in life is to KNOW that Life is bigger than whatever we are going through at the moment.   Get a lifelong perspective – or better yet, a many lifelong perspective. If you think of the evolution of a soul, it MUST go through many phases…like the earth –that had to go through eruption – and major breakdown for each new breakthrough – like the caterpillar becoming the butterfly.
How to be grateful?   See everything, even sadness and depression, if that is your experience, as part of the soul’s evolution. If we look back on our lives, we’ll always see that depression was a precursor to amazing spiritual growth.   Mindfulness keeps life in perspective.

How we face situations in life really determines what those situations can offer us.

If you find that it’s difficult to be grateful in the moment, at least rake the time each night to go over the day – Forgive and release that which you would like to have been different – Letting it go every day insures that you’ll not be carrying it for years to come.

There’s a greeting that I put on all my phone messages that I’d like to leave with you today – it’s something we can choose each moment – Have a Great and GRATEFUL day!!

Embracing the Aging Body

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Is This My Body?

© 2011 Brenda Dineen | Reprinting permission with credit to author

I first injured my knee in 2003. I was jogging on a treadmill and noticed pain in my knee. The pain didn’t go away that night, but I went back to the gym the next day. “What me? I don’t get injuries”, was my inner thinking. So of course, the pain increased.  I decided not to go to the gym for a while, but I didn’t seek medical help.  This is called Denial.  I refused to recognize what was going on.  I was lying on the couch complaining about my knee and my daughter suggested I go to a doctor or physiotherapist.  Which I did, two months later!  My inner voice was asking: Is this my body? Is this actually happening?

Later, in 2009 I was going to hot yoga classes, and I tore the cartilage in the same knee in a deep knee posture. Snap!  I felt it tear. That was the end of the hot yoga classes.  It took over a year to get the right specialist, an MRI and finally knee surgery in 2010.  Surgery did not fit my self-image!  I had to surrender and see that I had overtaxed my knees for a very long time.

I think many of us have similar experiences with our bodies and our health. We are operating from the past e.g. I used to easily run around the Sea Wall in Vancouver. And participate in the 10 km Sun Run.  Those days are gone for me. I cannot run now. I have had to let go of running. I now accept this and see what exercises I can do.  I have a bicycle and often bike along the river near where I live. I can use the elliptical trainer, the  bicycle and the rowing machine at the gym.  As some activities are no longer possible, we need to look at what works for us now.

It is frequently a challenge to accept the changes taking place in our bodies. Especially in our 50’s, 60’s and older, we all have some issues with our health.  Our skin is becoming dry and wrinkled, our hair thinning, our bones more brittle, our cardiovascular rate is changing and our senses are not as acute. Weight gain is common. We also experience the loss of beauty and can feel invisible as we are passed by.  We walk by a store window and see our reflection: Is this me? Is this my body?

One of the best things you can do for yourself at this time in life is come to ACCEPTANCE. That means, accepting what is happening: accepting the changes in your looks and your health. It’s when we resist change that we come into difficulty. Instead of saying “No, No, not me!” can you say: “I am willing to love and accept myself exactly as I am.”

We often hear advice about getting older:  Stay active!   This seems obvious, but I am finding it to be so true. I have always found exercise that I like and I notice at this time in my life that regular exercise is of great benefit. I feel wonderful riding my bike along the river. I enjoy Hatha yoga and stretching. I drink more water.  I respect my body more. When I was younger, I took it for granted. Now I treasure it more.

Contemplations:

  1. How has your body been a friend to you throughout your life?
  2. How has your body felt less than a friend? Has it betrayed you?
  3. How do you talk to your body? Do you appreciate it?

Thank your body for all the ways it serves you every day. Marvel at all its functions and its beauty. Take a moment to remember that all the systems of your body continue to function 24/7, without you consciously thinking about them. Finally, take three deep breaths and give thanks for being able to breathe.

Author: Brenda Dineen, Registered Clinical Counsellor, Brenda is a therapist in Vancouver, British Columbia specializing in second half of life issues.

Spiritual Lessons from the Aging Process

Posted on by Dr. Toni

One of the benefits I have found in aging is learning finally to admit what I don’t know and can’t do. When I was young, I used to berate myself for the things I didn’t do well and work hard to learn them; as I age, I stick with what I know well and I hire those who can do what I can’t!

One of the other experiences that we can see as GIFT as we age, is that we can begin to learn to ask for and accept help. When we become more vulnerable and dependent on others, we often don’t like the idea. Most of us fight to not lose our independence.

Actually, when we are younger, we delude ourselves into thinking we’re independent, when in fact, we’re constantly dependent on others. We depend on our parents to feed, clothe and change us when we are born. We depend on our employers for our paychecks, or our customers to buy our goods or services. When we drive, we depend on the people who deliver gas to the station. The only thing that doesn’t change is what’s inside us.

Having faith and cultivating faith is first and foremost about trusting in life and learning to trust in other people.

Our ego desire is still always about autonomy. And our loss of autonomy could produce feelings of frustration, anger and bitterness or, it could allow us to grow in our awareness of the interdependence of all of life and that indeed we are all ONE. Once again, an important spiritual truth.

It is my belief that all of us are here to grow into truly experiencing ONENESS & God-consciousness. This growth is an evolution of consciousness that when we allow it, occurs quite naturally through the lessons that life provides, especially as we age.

The soul chooses to experience circumstances that will help it cultivate an ever-deepening ability to love unconditionally and consciously embody its true nature which is Divine. When we FULLY learn this, we come to know that we are never alone.

As we age, many of our loved ones leave us, whether through divorce or death, and we may feel increasingly alone and lonely. When we are no longer defined by jobs that gave us meaning and satisfaction, we could in fact, feel like we’ve lost our identity. If we are no longer “productive” in the ways we used to be, what is our role?

These very things can become our greatest catalysts for growth. When we do our life review, we can see the talents we have been given and perhaps haven’t used fully. As we age, we have more freedom to give of ourselves without looking for monetary award or without needing approval and acceptance. It becomes a time of true generative sharing. There are some spiritual teachings that tell us that until we reach this level of selfless giving, we have not yet achieved our purpose for being.