Dr. Toni

Midlife Transition Prayer by Teilhard de Chardin

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Patient Trust In Ourselves & The Slow Work Of God
By Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are all, quite naturally,
impatient in everything to reach the end
without delay.
We should like to skip
the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being
on the way to something unknown,
something new,
and yet it is the law of all progress
that is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually –
let them grow,
let them shape themselves,
without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today
what time (that is to say, grace and
circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you
and accept the anxiety of
feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

Baby Boomers and the Midlife Transition – Life Without Crisis

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Before I became a serious student of Yoga, I used to liken life only when there were climaxes – or in some cases, dramas and crises. I was looking at life as a series of goals and destinations – living in the future and somehow missing LIFE itself in the search. The Midlife Transition has taught me to see life in a new way.

I noticed myself rushing through breakfast to get to work and rushing through work to get to a luncheon — and then rushing through lunch to get to the next meeting — am I alone in this, or can you relate?

Most of us view performing the routine repetitive tasks of our lives as the “in-between time” the stuff we have to take care of before getting on to the things that really count.

But if you stop and think about it, most of life is on the plateaus -the “in-between.”

Do you know that the actual playing time for a National Football league in a non-play off year is 16 hours a year. The other 8,744 hours are “in-between.”

When we focus our eyes on the end result, we often miss the NOW. When goal orientation dominates our thoughts, we can begin to devalue a great deal of our lives. When we take up a path of mastery and learn to stay on the mat, even the “in-between” tasks become transformed. We become content with what we have.

Goal seekers never seem to be satisfied with what is. My yoga master once asked us if we would rather have 10 million dollars or 10 children, and all of us in the class of course said, – 10 million. No, he replied, if you had 10 children you would not always be wanting more.

What in your life Is or Can Become a Practice?

It may be a sport like tennis or golf, or some form of music or dance or the performing arts. Like me you may be dedicated to yoga or meditation or to a service like medicine or massage.

Lately I even turned looking for a relationship into a practice. It’s amazing. I no longer look at every man under a tree saying, “Are you the one.” I’m no longer look for the end result. Instead I’ve begun to think of myself as in relationship school – and I’m actually enjoying the process a great deal more.

Staying on the Mat has helped me learn

to live my life in the moment,

to stop seeking the more,

to love the plateau and

to find satisfaction in repetition.

I now ask myself daily – how am I giving my life to practice for it’s own sake?

It was reminded of this the other day when I went to a concert . After it was finished, I overheard a woman saying to the pianist,

“I’d give my life if I could play like you.” He turned and stared at her intently and said, “Lady, I did!”

SEE YOU ON THE MAT.

Getting Clear about Relationships

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You’ve probably heard it said – , “If you want the perfect partner be the perfect partner.” This is the crux of it: we must have the willingness to be that which we want,to live in integrity with it, and to live as though we already have it. And, we must be unwilling to have something less, while maintaining that paradoxical position of release–being poised to receive and yet not willing things to be different. It’s a delicate balance..

Settling for anything less than your deepest desire means that the universe has no reason to give you what your heart truly desires. The question to ask is: Are you really willing to have it, to live up to it by not being available to something less? Are you ready to live in integrity with your hearts deepest longings? If you are–and when you are–the universe will correspond accordingly.
Let me read a letter I read in Essence magazine – written to Iyanla Vanzant –

DEARIYANLA,
At 46 I’ve got three kids and four grandchildren. I also have three ex-husbands.Looking back, I realize I wasn’t in love with any of these men. After my third divorce, many self-help books and some therapy, I now live by the motto, To thine own self be true. When I meet a new man, I review my list of qualities I’d like in a mate: Is he honest? Does he have a good relationship with his mother? Is he spiritual? Loyal? A good provider? I’m not interested in looks or money, but in where he’s coming from. I don’t have time to waste, and I don’ twant to grow old alone. What can I do to attract the love I desire and deserve?

BELOVED,
It is possible that, like many sisters, you are putting too much energy into not being alone. I suspect you went into three relationships running from what you did not want, rather than claiming and creating what you desired. In the process, you may have fueled your fears–and proved them right. Whether you told yourself, I’ll never experience love, or wondered. Will I ever experience love? your words may have locked you in to the very thing you desperately wanted to avoid. This is the easiest part of your dilemma to correct: Speak words of faith, not fear!

However,other issues you bring up will require deeper healing: It is bad medicine for a woman to pursue a man with a list of credentials in her head. Yes, you should have expectations. But rather than an ink-and-paper list, create a vision that keeps you clear about what you want to experience in a relationship and what you are willing to give. Even though you may have a picture of the attributes you desire in a mate, when you meet a new man, these do not become the topic of dinner conversation. Never measure a man based on what he says. Open your heart, and observe your inner responses to him and his outer responses to you.When something is right for you, your heart will let you know. If, however,your internal landscape is littered with land mines of fear, doubt and specifications, no brother will measure up. Expectations always equal results.

The other challenge I see is that you expect to find love in a relationship. This,too, is bad medicine. Relationships are not the breeding ground of love. They are experiences that allow us to share the love we have within. In other words,lowing yourself is the key to experiencing love with another person. What will attract your mate is the level and quality of love you exude to the world. Love is a state of being. It’s not a reward for being a good girl or for becoming spiritually adept. Love is who and what you are, whether or not you have a mate.

I encourage you to put your search on hold and take some time to grow into the experience of your own love. It may be time for you to give yourself all the things you are looking for in a relationship: Spend time with you. Have long,endearing conversations with yourself. Send yourself cards and love letters.Get dressed in your finest, compliment yourself, and take yourself for a night on the town. Affirm and encourage yourself daily. As you begin to love, cherish and adore yourself, the universe will multiply your energy. In that process,men who love themselves will be attracted to your loving energy. In the meantime, I will hold you in the light of love. Be blessed!

Midlife Transition: Getting clear with the smile test

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So once you figure out how to let Divine Intelligence guide you and stop saying I don’t know – or letting other’s ideas drive what you want –

What are some ways you can figure out what it is that you really want?

Smile test – get a counselor, a practitioner, Minister or friend to listen and ask good questions.
Every time you have an experience that brings you pleasure, big or small, take note of it.  You are probably far more proficient at those that you enjoy.  How can you STOP doing the things you don’t like – It’s a sign of maturity when you can stop trying to get better at your weaknesses and HIRE THEM.
WHAT DOES YOUR HEART WANT?  Can you pass the smile test.

What do you guts say when you think about it?  When you feel like you want to do something, don’t let your logical mind set in and take over. Just do it. This may be the direction you should follow. You’ve heard people say, “Follow your heart.” And even more importantly, “Follow what feels right.”  The still small voice that we read about in Scripture can be heard by listening to what feels good.
Relax and listen. Let go on a regular basis, so you can listen to your inner being. It doesn’t have to be a long amount of time, but do something that makes you feel good whether it is meditating, cleaning, gardening, walking. You will know what is right for you.

Get good at asking questions about, and understanding, what makes people feel good. The quality of our lives is based on the quality of our questions.   Keep asking How does doing this make me feel?
Keep asking the question –  What do you really want? What do you really want? What do you really want?

If you still feel stuck – ask yourself – If you did Know – always gets an answer
Sometimes it helps to ask – What Don’t you want

Stanislaw Leszczynski (1677-1766)  To believe with certainty we must begin with doubting

–    What don’t you want?
The opposite is what you do want? I love the quote from Wayne Dyer – don’t die with your music still in you.
Too many lives are being lived in quiet desperation waiting until – until they had saved a nest egg, until the children are out of school, until I retire, but “until” ever arrives.

Don’t go to sleep tonight without making a decision on WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IN LIFE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.