Dr. Toni

Aging is a Triumph, Not a Tragedy

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So spake the great geriatrician, psychiatrist and elder advocate, Robert N. Butler, who died in December 2010. According to his biographer, W. Andrew Achenbaum, he helped

“…to transform the study of aging from a marginal specialty into an intellectually vibrant field of inquiry.”
Personally, I doubt I would have become an elder advocate myself without having had Butler’s books to teach me.

Robert N. Butler cover artRobert N. Butler, M.D. is the title of this just-published biography of the great man who won a Pulitzer Prize for his 1975 book, Why Survive? Being Old in America and before that, in 1968, coined the term “ageism” as an analog to racism and sexism.

”Butler well understood that ignorance, prejudice, and stereotypes clouded the vision of vital, productive, fruitful aging that he wished to promulgate,” writes Achenbaum.

“In late life,” he continues, “Butler concluded that ageism was even more pernicious than he initially had realized…Butler now called ageism a disease, a morbid fear of decline and death that crippled individuals.”
Robert Butler may not have crushed ageism during his long career but his other achievements transformed attitudes and beliefs about old age that continue to help elders’ well being now and will continue to do so into the future.

Butler was appointed by President Gerald Ford to be the first director of the National Institute on Aging. Later he established the first U.S. department of geriatrics at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City.

In 1990, he founded the International Longevity Center (ILC-USA) to pursue the study of health and productivity of old people. Among the organization’s projects was the Age Boom Academy created in 2000 to

”…deepen the understanding on the part of 150 journalists of how the perils and promises of societal aging affected their respective news beats. Ideas germinated in the academy often found mass circulation,” explains Achenbaum.
In 2009, I was privileged to be one of the dozen journalists that year at the week-long Age Boom Academy – all expenses, as every year, paid in full. Dr. Butler brought together the crème de la crème of age researchers and experts from every sub-field imaginable and by the end, it was like being granted a masters degree in aging. Here is one of my stories about the Age Boom Academy.

[DISCLOSURE: Achenbaum quotes from my 2008 interview interview with Dr. Butler which you can read here.]

Achenbaum, who is professor of social work and history in the Graduate School of Social Work at the University of Houston, does a fine job of recounting Butler’s achievements that benefit elders – the remarkably large number of reasons the book is subtitled, Visionary of Healthy Aging.

But it is the many quotations from Achenbaum’s previously unpublished conversations with Butler along with the book’s epilogue – Butler’s unfinished “life review” in his own words – that most captured my attention.

Some thoughts from Butler you too may find provocative:

“Why do we have so much trouble enjoying the moment? This was not as true when we were children.”
“When a young person writes a novel he writes an autobiography; when an old person writes an autobiography, he writes a novel.”
“There is a dark side to the lives of those of wealth and privilege; they do not need to carry out the most elemental aspects of existence, the preparing of their own food and taking care of their own personal needs. In a perverse sense, elementality is a luxury of poverty.”
“Old age is no longer equivalent to disease, infirmity, frailty, decrepitude and slowing down. The brain is proving to be subject to repair and growth and this plasticity promises greater cognitive health.”
“The challenge is how to better understand, shape and value this new old age. Older persons themselves should define this portion of their lives, and not passively allow the culture to do so.

“They are the pioneers who have interest into the redefined old age and do not accept aging and disability as inevitable, unpreventable and untreatable. Society and culture, of course, have catching up to do.”

Qualities of God MP3s

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ABUNDANCE

BALANCE

JOY

LOVE

ORDER

PEACE

POWER

WISDOM

WHOLENESS

Fear of Death

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What Would You Do If You Did Not Fear Death?

We are missing out on a precious opportunity for spiritual growth when we avoid confronting and contemplating what we call death.
By Alison Rose Levy, Contributor
Health, food, and environmental journalist; radio host, Progressive Radio Network

A close colleague and mentor of mine passed away recently. All who knew him were deeply saddened. Many considered his passing “untimely” since he was actively immersed in important projects with hands on the reins until near the end.

Yet he was eighty-six-years old, so his passing was in some sense to be expected. Early in his illness, one of his close friends, a retired cardiologist reassured me, “A man on a mission cannot die before his goal is achieved.”
Both of us wanted to believe this. But it proved not to be true.
After a beloved relative suffered a stroke in his late eighties, his adoring wife confided, “I’m shocked. I never imagined that something like this could ever happen.”
But what surprised me was that death is such a big surprise to so many of us. While our sense of loss and grief is entirely natural, why do we somehow believe that the inevitable can’t happen to us or to those we love?
Many spiritual traditions advise that we keep the end in mind throughout life. But in this culture, contemplating death is seen as “heavy,” a downer. We’re less like Hamlet holding the skull of his family’s court jester, Yorick, and more like Scarlett O’Hara. We plan to think about death not today, but tomorrow or the next day. As a result, when the bell of mortality strikes, we’re totally unprepared.
“Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose,” said Marianne Williamson quoting Carl Jung. She was speaking at the recent Art of Dying conference jointly sponsored by the New York Open Center and Tibet House, and held at Menla Mountain Retreat Center. http://www.tibethouse.us with Williamson, and preeminent Buddhist scholar, Robert Thurman, Ph.D., who offered plenary talks and workshops, the conference featured a number of experienced leaders in spiritual hospice work.
Practitioners and healers who regularly bring presence, caring and spiritual contemplation to people in the transition between life-in-embodiment and death, see vital spiritual lessons for all of us in this inevitable passage. A recurring message throughout the three days, was that we are missing out on an precious opportunity for spiritual growth, when we avoid confronting and contemplating what we call death.
“Who do I need to be to be a trustworthy presence and compassionate person?” asked Frank Ostaseski. A co-founder of the Zen Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America, and founder of the Metta Institute‘s End-of-Life Care Practitioner Program. Ostaseski shared the inner contemplation that living daily with the dying had awakened in him.
Therese Schroeder-Sheker advises a daily practice of metanoia — contemplating and dying every day to the aspects of ourselves that don’t serve. Schroeder-Sheker has played the harp, and sung at the bedsides of those in transition for over three decades. She founded the palliative medical field of music — thanatology and the Chalice of Repose Project, which trains teachers in palliative music vigils with the dying.
A transparent joy exudes from those who attend the dying. Apparently, the active awareness of death can prompt us to live life with greater integrity, authenticity and purpose, knowing that our actions, thoughts and intentions count.
In our “materialist culture, people think that after death they go to the great Halliburton nothingness — and they are out of all consequences … ” said Robert Thurman, the author of “Why the Dalai Lama Matters.” He warned that “You are not getting out of the consequences of your actions by dying. Everything you do in life matters because it has an infinite resonance in the universe. [Facing up to death] gives us the power to be incredibly caring at even the tiniest level — it’s what guides our practical steps.”
When it comes to being with a loved one who is dying, Frank Ostaseski reminded participants that “We each have the capacity to embrace another’s suffering as our own. We’ve been doing it for thousands of years. You know how to do this — it’s in your bones.”
But he asked, “How did we turn this intimate act of caring for each other into an obligation, duty or profession? Dying is not a medical event — it’s about relationship with the self. We’ve forgotten this, and so we’ve become frightened. Too many people are dying in fear.”
The fear arises because “We see so much pain and suffering. We see genocides, holocausts and Hiroshimas,” says Robert Thurman, but he counsels, “They are real — but not really real. Bodies are incinerated — but souls are not.”
“On some level, we know that,” says Marianne Williamson, who pointed out that we sometimes turn away from death out of denial. Yet we also, on some level, know that the core of who we are does not die.
Fearfully avoiding the reality of death increases suffering at the approach of this inevitable life passage. And, paradoxically, so does the belief that we are nothing but a body.
“We’re born and we die,” Ostaseski noted, inviting us to “sit down with death and have a cup of tea.”
Williamson posed a question for that tete-a-tete:
“What would you do right now if you did not fear death?”

6 Wise and Funny Lessons on Aging — From Animals

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These amazing creatures can teach us a lot about finding pleasure in life

Aging gracefully can present challenges. Human role models, like, say, Betty White or George Clooney, can show us how it’s done. The animal realm can, too. Just for fun, we pulled these six examples of animal inspiration. Enjoy!

 

1. Tortoises — Take life slow and enjoy the ride

Tortoises are one of the most ancient creatures on the planet, living up to age 150. With an average speed of .17 mph, they’re not winning sprints, but they are highly effective burrowers and have evolved to survive the harsh conditions of the desert. They endure. Tortoises may not be what you’d call the sexiest animals around, but they teach an important life lesson: Slow and steady wins the race.

 

2. Elephants — Share your memories

Elephants’ brains, the largest among land mammals at about 10.5 pounds (10 percent of their body weight, vs. a human’s 2 percent), are complex. They have the ability to grieve and elephants have been observed performing burial-like ceremonies. Elephants also have excellent problem solving skills; the well-known example of Asian elephant Bandula unhooking the shackles on her feet and then freeing other captive elephants shows a keen intelligence. Scientists have found that older elephants are better at making crucial decisions, such as searching for food and protecting the herd from predators, because of their remarkable memory. We humans can look to elephants for inspiration to share our lifetime of experiences and use our hard-earned knowledge as leaders.

 

3. Dolphins — Stay true to your friends and family


Dolphins are extremely social and form tight-knit groups, called pods, which range from five to hundreds of members. These aquatic animals are so loyal that they have been observed staying with sick or injured pod members. Dolphins can be friendly to humans, and there are numerous news stories of dolphins rescuing people from drowning and from sharks. Their sense of community and altruism exemplifies how we should approach relationships, which play a critical role as we age. Older adults tend to lose social connectivity after they retire or as their adult children move out of the house or start their own family, so it’s vital to maintain close ties with friends and family — our pods.

4. Zebras — Own your uniqueness

Each zebra has its own stripe pattern — no two are alike. Researchers hypothesize that zebras’ stripes help them hide in the grass, making it difficult for their predators to discern an individual outline to attack. Another more recent theory is that the stripes ward off pesky insects. Their unique coats set these mammals apart looks-wise from all other animals, but their hides also save them. The human lesson is to be grateful for the skin you’re in.

 

5. Rabbits — Adopt a healthy lifestyle


Rabbits epitomize a healthy lifestyle. These little vegans eat mainly green leafy foods. Plus, they are active and agile. Their physically fit and flexible bodies allow them to do the binky, which is often referred to as the “happy bunny dance.” This move is when rabbits jump into the air and twist their head and body in opposite directions. If we humans ate more vegetables and hopped (or even walked) around all day, maybe with practice we could do the binky, too.

 

6. Monkeys — Keep having fun

Monkeys groom each other on a daily basis for two reasons: hygiene and social interaction. This co-grooming goes beyond the “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” mentality because of the social bonding that stems from this activity. Monkeys can make most anything fun — even caregiving. These mischievous, curious primates teach us the importance of social bonds, and also to remember to have fun.

 

By Jill Yanish

Jill was formerly the associate editor for Next Avenue.  She earned a bachelor’s degree in communication from the College of Saint Benedict/Saint John’s University and has written for various Twin Cities publications.