Center for Action and Contemplation QUESTIONS FOR INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP REFLECTION FROM THE “FALLING UPWARD” WEBCAST May 21, 2011 Suzanne Stabile & Sheryl Fullerton Center for Action and Contemplation www.cacradicalgrace.org P.O. Box 12464, Albuquerque, NM 87195 (505) 242-9588 fax: (505) 242-9518
These questions are meant to elicit reflection and contemplation on the challenges and gifts of the “further journey,” as Richard Rohr calls it. You certainly don’t have to answer all of them, but as a whole they may guide you in preparing for and living into this time of life. You can reflect on them on your own and share them with a group or use each one as a basis for group discussion over several meetings.
1. A good place to begin is with your life story. Your story is not just what has happened to you but a narrative with chapters, events, characters, relationships, highs and lows, influences, decisions, good times and bad times, lessons learned (or not). It all adds up, not like a balance sheet, but in a holistic way that points to why you have lived, what you value, and what your life means to you. You are its author—and its editor. You can add commentary and interpretation. And you can write new chapters. In a way, telling your story in later life is the way you harvest your self and ask honestly if you have done what you were meant to do. And, if not, can you do something about it before it’s too late? Sister Joan Chittister, in her wonderful book, The Gift of Years, points out that “I am only what I have prepared myself to be beyond what I did. And what is that?”
Reflect briefly on your life story by answering these questions:
· Who are my people? Where do we come from?
· Where do I fit into my family?
· Who was I closest to in my family?
· Who are the people closest to me now?
· Who has had the most influence on me?
· How have the places I’ve lived shaped me?
· How did I find my work?
· Have I found my purpose or calling?
2. Think further about what you learned from thinking about your family and your story.
· What surprised you?
· How do you think your family patterns and life experiences are affecting the way you are thinking about this next phase of your life?
Center for Action and Contemplation QUESTIONS FOR INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP REFLECTION FROM THE “FALLING UPWARD” WEBCAST May 21, 2011 Suzanne Stabile & Sheryl Fullerton Center for Action and Contemplation www.cacradicalgrace.org P.O. Box 12464, Albuquerque, NM 87195 (505) 242-9588 fax: (505) 242-9518
3. It’s also helpful to take stock of your life now—about your bags and baggage.
· What brings you joy?
· What troubles you?
· What are your greatest regrets? How do you think those regrets are related to which generation you are part of (GIs, Boomers, Gen X, etc.)?
· How are your relationships?
· What is happening at work?
· Are you living your own authentic vision of the good life (or someone else’s)?
4. Draw a graph of your life by identifying trigger points (that indicate the choices you have made that have led to where you are now)—both high points and low points, including those times when you “fell upward,” when you failed or lost. The points could designate relationships, decisions about education, moves, travel—just about anything that is significant in determining the course of your life. Connect them on a timeline. Reflect:
· What do the dots represent?
· Which ones made the most difference in your life?
· Were there points that at the time seemed to be failures or losses?
· What lessons can you take from the choices you made?
· How can those lessons help you make choices from this point forward?
· In examining the “contents” of your life, what are some heavy things that you could leave behind as you enter the second half of life?
5. Necessary suffering seems paradoxical, but discomfort and suffering let us know that something isn’t right—that it needs attention, that we need to look at something that we’d perhaps like to ignore but really cannot. Or that we need to grow, even if it means experiencing “growing pains.” Only when the split between security and risk is painful enough that they can’t be ignored or medicated away will be open to other possibilities. In Center for Action and Contemplation QUESTIONS FOR INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP REFLECTION FROM THE “FALLING UPWARD” WEBCAST May 21, 2011 Suzanne Stabile & Sheryl Fullerton Center for Action and Contemplation www.cacradicalgrace.org P.O. Box 12464, Albuquerque, NM 87195 (505) 242-9588 fax: (505) 242-9518
the second half of life, the focus shifts to what our lives mean. That’s when deeper questions arise. Knowing that time is finite, it’s time to ask whether you are using the time on things you care about. Jungian psychologist James Hollis says that the disappointments of the second half of life prompt explorations of the soul and its values and thus make us more mindful of what really matters in the long journey of the soul.
· Have you faced “necessary suffering”?
· What was your experience of it?
· Did you let it transform you?
· Are you avoiding any necessary suffering (or change) now?
· What is waiting to be born in you if you were entirely courageous and didn’t fear the price?
6. To think about your life purpose and calling, reflect on these questions:
· Can you list three things in addition to your family that you care about most—for which you would live or die? What are they? Are they the things that will matter to your legacy?
· What has been the driving force of the first half of your life? Will it carry you forward? If not, what have you laid aside as impossible or impractical that you might want to revisit?
· What are your gifts and how are you using them on things that you care about?
· How could you contribute in ways you always wanted but held back from? What contribution do you want to make?
· What do you want to say or do that you haven’t said or done?
7. Imagine you are looking back at your life at your 90th birthday party. You are sitting around in a big circle, and you and those you’ve invited are telling stories about you and what has mattered to you. Write about what you see when you envision this event.
· What do those in the circle say you love? Was it music, art, spirituality, faith, education, vocation/work, hobbies, sports, friends and colleagues, family and spouse? Or what else?
· What are you known for?
· What do you see reflected on the faces of those around you?
Center for Action and Contemplation QUESTIONS FOR INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP REFLECTION FROM THE “FALLING UPWARD” WEBCAST May 21, 2011 Suzanne Stabile & Sheryl Fullerton Center for Action and Contemplation www.cacradicalgrace.org P.O. Box 12464, Albuquerque, NM 87195 (505) 242-9588 fax: (505) 242-9518
· What are you thinking and feeling as you sit in this circle?
· What do you want to do in the second half of your life to ensure that your 90th birthday party is a happy event?
· How would you like your legacy described?
8. As Richard Rohr says, “Nothing can inhibit your second journey except your own lack of courage, patience, and imagination. If you don’t walk into the second half of your own life, it is you who do not want it.” So here are some additional questions to get you thinking about the second half of your life:
· What has been the driving force of the first half of your life? Will it carry you forward? If not, what have you laid aside as impossible or impractical that you might want to revisit?
· Can you list three things in addition to your family that you care most about—for which you would live or die? Are they old baggage or new bags ready to be packed for the further journey?
· What are you tired of?
· What is it that you are no longer whole-hearted about?
· What are your gifts and how are you using them on things you care most about?
· What do you want to say or do that you haven’t said or done?
“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”
–George Bernard Shaw Center for Action and Contemplation QUESTIONS FOR INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP REFLECTION FROM THE “FALLING UPWARD” WEBCAST May 21, 2011 Suzanne Stabile & Sheryl Fullerton Center for Action and Contemplation www.cacradicalgrace.org P.O. Box 12464, Albuquerque, NM 87195 (505) 242-9588 fax: (505) 242-9518
Bibliography
BOOKS:
NONFICTION
Joan Chittister, The Gift of Years
James Hollis, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life
Robert A. Johnson and Jerry Ruhl, Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life
Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50
Richard Leider and David Shapiro, Claiming Your Place at the Fire
Kathleen Norris, Acedia and Me
Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation; A Hidden Wholeness
Susan Susanka, The Not So Big Life
FICTION
Thomas Lynch, Apparition & Late Fictions (the novella, Apparition)
Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow
Richard Ford, The Lay of the Land
Marilynne Robinson, Gilead
MOVIES
About Schmidt
Magnolia
Up
Young at Heart
OTHER
CDs: Richard Rohr & Paula D’Arcy, A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life (available through the Center for Action & Contemplation: cacradicalgrace.org)