Aging Gracefully

Aging Invisibly – or not

Posted on by Dr. Toni

A poem from Shel Silverstein nicely captures the invisibility that cloaks people as we get old:

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that too.”

The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
“I do that too,” laughed the old man.”

Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”

“But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
“I know what you mean,” said the old man.

In an interview in Australia’s The Age several years ago, mystery writer Ruth Rendell talked about an instance of invisibility at her age – then, 76:

“…I am not going to pretend that growing old is all sweetness and light. And this is not because of my outlook on life and my attitude, but very much because of the way younger people view old age.

“Old women especially are invisible. I have been to parties where no one knows who I am, so I am ignored until I introduce myself to someone picked at random. Immediately word gets round and I am surrounded by people who tell me they are my biggest fans. This is fine for me, but what about the others, my contemporaries, left isolated?”

And so it goes. I have my own stories of being made invisible and I know you do too. But sometimes – oh, so rarely and therefore amazingly – we are, for moment or two, noticed.

It was last week and I had stopped in my local Rite-Aid to replenish a couple of personal items. A new girl, impossibly young from the vantage point of my 71 years, was at the checkout stand. I could tell she was new because she wore a name tag that said, “Trainee.”

An older clerk was observing and helping out by packing up the purchases. As the trainee handed me change, she blurted out, “What beautiful hair you have.”

I say “blurted” because it was like that. The statement erupted from her spontaneously and I think we were both surprised.

Now, my hair is gray, fading lately toward white. It’s rather long and I usually wear it pulled back in a clip of some sort to keep it out of my face. Nothing special. But the obviously genuine compliment was.

We both grinned as our gazes connected. I said thank you then as she turned to the next customer and I left the store.

A small moment that the young trainee may not remember at all. But a small moment that made my day and has delighted me each time I have recalled it.

 

FROM Time Goes By

6 Wise and Funny Lessons on Aging — From Animals

Posted on by Dr. Toni

These amazing creatures can teach us a lot about finding pleasure in life

Aging gracefully can present challenges. Human role models, like, say, Betty White or George Clooney, can show us how it’s done. The animal realm can, too. Just for fun, we pulled these six examples of animal inspiration. Enjoy!

 

1. Tortoises — Take life slow and enjoy the ride

Tortoises are one of the most ancient creatures on the planet, living up to age 150. With an average speed of .17 mph, they’re not winning sprints, but they are highly effective burrowers and have evolved to survive the harsh conditions of the desert. They endure. Tortoises may not be what you’d call the sexiest animals around, but they teach an important life lesson: Slow and steady wins the race.

 

2. Elephants — Share your memories

Elephants’ brains, the largest among land mammals at about 10.5 pounds (10 percent of their body weight, vs. a human’s 2 percent), are complex. They have the ability to grieve and elephants have been observed performing burial-like ceremonies. Elephants also have excellent problem solving skills; the well-known example of Asian elephant Bandula unhooking the shackles on her feet and then freeing other captive elephants shows a keen intelligence. Scientists have found that older elephants are better at making crucial decisions, such as searching for food and protecting the herd from predators, because of their remarkable memory. We humans can look to elephants for inspiration to share our lifetime of experiences and use our hard-earned knowledge as leaders.

 

3. Dolphins — Stay true to your friends and family


Dolphins are extremely social and form tight-knit groups, called pods, which range from five to hundreds of members. These aquatic animals are so loyal that they have been observed staying with sick or injured pod members. Dolphins can be friendly to humans, and there are numerous news stories of dolphins rescuing people from drowning and from sharks. Their sense of community and altruism exemplifies how we should approach relationships, which play a critical role as we age. Older adults tend to lose social connectivity after they retire or as their adult children move out of the house or start their own family, so it’s vital to maintain close ties with friends and family — our pods.

4. Zebras — Own your uniqueness

Each zebra has its own stripe pattern — no two are alike. Researchers hypothesize that zebras’ stripes help them hide in the grass, making it difficult for their predators to discern an individual outline to attack. Another more recent theory is that the stripes ward off pesky insects. Their unique coats set these mammals apart looks-wise from all other animals, but their hides also save them. The human lesson is to be grateful for the skin you’re in.

 

5. Rabbits — Adopt a healthy lifestyle


Rabbits epitomize a healthy lifestyle. These little vegans eat mainly green leafy foods. Plus, they are active and agile. Their physically fit and flexible bodies allow them to do the binky, which is often referred to as the “happy bunny dance.” This move is when rabbits jump into the air and twist their head and body in opposite directions. If we humans ate more vegetables and hopped (or even walked) around all day, maybe with practice we could do the binky, too.

 

6. Monkeys — Keep having fun

Monkeys groom each other on a daily basis for two reasons: hygiene and social interaction. This co-grooming goes beyond the “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” mentality because of the social bonding that stems from this activity. Monkeys can make most anything fun — even caregiving. These mischievous, curious primates teach us the importance of social bonds, and also to remember to have fun.

 

By Jill Yanish

Jill was formerly the associate editor for Next Avenue.  She earned a bachelor’s degree in communication from the College of Saint Benedict/Saint John’s University and has written for various Twin Cities publications.