Aging

9 Practices for Conscious Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

By: Marilyn Schlitz

As I live into my own process of aging, my worldview has been informed by the depth and insight of many great teachers. These include masters from different wisdom traditions, health care practitioners, friends facing end of life, and researchers studying the transformative nature of death, dying, and beyond. For decades, the team at the Institute of Noetic Sciences has conducted research, created educational programs, and engaged in conversations on transformations in consciousness. We have been led to an ever-expanding appreciation for the aging process and its transformative potentials. We also have found ourselves moved by a great calling to help reduce the suffering that so many experience. During this process, we have identified nine practices that can help people engage the fullness of their lives, each and every moment.

1. Reflect on Your Assumptions. Stop long enough to reflect on your worldview, beliefs, stereotypes, and assumptions. How might they be limiting you or holding you back? What do you need to change to reflect your highest values and most noble aspirations?

2. Reframe Your Inner Talk. Take note of your critical self-talk, bringing the inner critic into more conscious awareness to help reframe these internal messages as more positive and self-compassionate. As you invite equanimity and self-compassion, wonder and awe into your daily life, even the most mundane aspects of experience can become sacred.

3. Shift Your Perspective. Clear a space in your life that turns away from the popular media and the weapons of “mass distraction” that shape the dominant culture’s view of aging. Find opportunities to pause and ask yourself where you find joy, goodness, and connections. Write down major moments of transformation that have led you to who you are and what gives you meaning. As philosopher Soren Kierkegaard noted, “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.”

4. Practice Mindful Attention. Bring your attention toward greater self-awareness through simple activities such as meditation, contemplative prayer, journal writing, walks in nature, gardening with mindfulness, and somatic subtle-energy body practices. What do you need to surrender or leave behind? How can you conserve your energy for what has heart and meaning? What still needs healing or forgiveness?

5. Set Intentions. Ask yourself, “What matters most? What values do I want to adhere to?” Based on these reflections, you can craft an intentionality statement so that when challenges and opportunities arise, you will have developed an inner compass with which to navigate and make more conscious life choices.

6. Build New Habits. Challenge your brain with new learnings, explore new activities, dance often, connect with people of different generations, ask a child about his life, or do something new every day. Neuroscience offers us hope that such new habits are possible as we lay down new neural pathways that can help us see the world and ourselves in new ways. As Gandhi said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

7. Find Guidance. Find a skilled teacher, a study group, and/or a social network that supports your explorations. Whether in virtual or proximal social settings, connecting with others offers a way of living into new patterns and behaviors.

8. Move from I to We. While aging is a personal process, conscious aging is more than a personal quest. It can infuse your life as you promote the transformation of your community. Altruism and compassion born of shared destiny, rather than duty or obligation, can emerge and add joy and purpose to your actions.

9. Death Makes Life Possible. An important part of positive trans-formation involves a reflection on one’s own cosmology of what happens after we die. There are many maps or worldviews on this question, revealing a wide range of viewpoints. In considering them, people can find comfort and a set of possibilities for their understanding. As people grow older, as they come to face their own mortality, they can bring greater awareness to the transformative process that allows a deeper experience of their life journey.

– See more at: http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/nine-practices-conscious-aging#sthash.JzzrW9wU.dpuf

Embracing the Aging Body

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Is This My Body?

© 2011 Brenda Dineen | Reprinting permission with credit to author

I first injured my knee in 2003. I was jogging on a treadmill and noticed pain in my knee. The pain didn’t go away that night, but I went back to the gym the next day. “What me? I don’t get injuries”, was my inner thinking. So of course, the pain increased.  I decided not to go to the gym for a while, but I didn’t seek medical help.  This is called Denial.  I refused to recognize what was going on.  I was lying on the couch complaining about my knee and my daughter suggested I go to a doctor or physiotherapist.  Which I did, two months later!  My inner voice was asking: Is this my body? Is this actually happening?

Later, in 2009 I was going to hot yoga classes, and I tore the cartilage in the same knee in a deep knee posture. Snap!  I felt it tear. That was the end of the hot yoga classes.  It took over a year to get the right specialist, an MRI and finally knee surgery in 2010.  Surgery did not fit my self-image!  I had to surrender and see that I had overtaxed my knees for a very long time.

I think many of us have similar experiences with our bodies and our health. We are operating from the past e.g. I used to easily run around the Sea Wall in Vancouver. And participate in the 10 km Sun Run.  Those days are gone for me. I cannot run now. I have had to let go of running. I now accept this and see what exercises I can do.  I have a bicycle and often bike along the river near where I live. I can use the elliptical trainer, the  bicycle and the rowing machine at the gym.  As some activities are no longer possible, we need to look at what works for us now.

It is frequently a challenge to accept the changes taking place in our bodies. Especially in our 50’s, 60’s and older, we all have some issues with our health.  Our skin is becoming dry and wrinkled, our hair thinning, our bones more brittle, our cardiovascular rate is changing and our senses are not as acute. Weight gain is common. We also experience the loss of beauty and can feel invisible as we are passed by.  We walk by a store window and see our reflection: Is this me? Is this my body?

One of the best things you can do for yourself at this time in life is come to ACCEPTANCE. That means, accepting what is happening: accepting the changes in your looks and your health. It’s when we resist change that we come into difficulty. Instead of saying “No, No, not me!” can you say: “I am willing to love and accept myself exactly as I am.”

We often hear advice about getting older:  Stay active!   This seems obvious, but I am finding it to be so true. I have always found exercise that I like and I notice at this time in my life that regular exercise is of great benefit. I feel wonderful riding my bike along the river. I enjoy Hatha yoga and stretching. I drink more water.  I respect my body more. When I was younger, I took it for granted. Now I treasure it more.

Contemplations:

  1. How has your body been a friend to you throughout your life?
  2. How has your body felt less than a friend? Has it betrayed you?
  3. How do you talk to your body? Do you appreciate it?

Thank your body for all the ways it serves you every day. Marvel at all its functions and its beauty. Take a moment to remember that all the systems of your body continue to function 24/7, without you consciously thinking about them. Finally, take three deep breaths and give thanks for being able to breathe.

Author: Brenda Dineen, Registered Clinical Counsellor, Brenda is a therapist in Vancouver, British Columbia specializing in second half of life issues.

Movies for Boomers & Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

From scary to sweet to sad, these iconic films shaped our identity

posted by Linda Bernstein,  NEXT AVENUE

Linda Bernstein has written hundreds of articles for dozens of magazines and newspapers, writes the blog GenerationBsquared and teaches social media at the Columbia University School of Journalism.
Suddenly (in my mind’s eye) I am seeing thousands of faces smiling, thousands of heads nodding, “yes.”

All you readers out there . . . we all know where we heard those words in The Graduate; some of us may even remember the exact movie theater where we were sitting or the people with whom we shared the moment.

Boomers may be a huge demographic slice — years ago population experts noted that birth rates skyrocketed beginning in 1946 after the soldiers returned from World War II and stayed at high levels until a precipitous drop in 1965. Still, people born within that timespan share a lot of cultural icons. Among them: Movies we loved when we first saw them and will watch again and again on the TCM channel (or Netflix streaming).

Here’s a list (in chronological order) that will take you down memory lane.

20th Century Fox

THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)

Why we loved it: The sound of the music! We still sing those tunes.

Memorable line: “Children can’t do all the things they’re supposed to if they’re worried about spoiling their precious clothes.”

Fun fact: Christopher Plummer gave up a role in The Ipcress File to play Captain Von Trapp, something he came to regret. He disliked The Sound of Music so much, he referred to it as “The Sound of Mucus” and “S&M.” He also said that working with Julie Andrews was like being hit over the head every day with a giant valentine. (They did, however, remain good friends.)

The test of time: Even though many people were offended by its historical inaccuracies, The Sound of Music remains one of the highest grossing films of all time, and one of the most beloved. Several remakes (in various forms) have been attempted, but not one has approached the original film in popularity or critical acclaim.

THE GRADUATE (1966)

Why we loved it: It was the 60’s. Everyone felt kind of at odds and ends.

Memorable line: (aside from “Plastics.”) “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me . . . aren’t you?”

Fun fact: Right at the very end of the movie, as Elaine and Benjamin escape from her wedding by clambering to the back of a public bus, their faces go from happy to somber, conveying a realization that they their future may not be so rosy. Mike Nichols, the director, achieved that subtle effect by yelling at the actors and scaring them while they were laughing (as they had originally been directed to do).

The test of time: While parents still hold large parties for their college graduates, and adults still harangue young adults with unwanted advice, social mores have changed a lot. A 21-year-old Elaine would unlikely be so innocent. Also, Mrs. Robinson is probably supposed to be about 45 or 50 — and it would be no surprise to any of us that a woman that age is so hot.

BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)

Why we loved it: Well, Paul Newman. Robert Redford. Oh, and a great and clever adventure story.

Memorable line: “You just keep thinkin’ Butch. That’s what you’re good at.”

Fun fact: Paul Newman did his own bicycle stunts because the stunt man couldn’t stay on the bike.

The test of time: Spending a few hours with Paul Newman and Robert Redford never grows old.

(MORE: This Summer’s Movies for Grown-Ups)

20th Century Fox

LOVE STORY (1970)

Why we loved it: It was a love story with a heartbreaker ending; a 10-tissue movie.

Memorable line: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Fun fact: Writer Erich Segal partially based the character Oliver Barrett (played by Ryan O’Neal) on his Harvard roommate, future Vice-President Al Gore.

The test of time: Let’s put it this way. In the 1972 film, What’s Up, Doc, Barbra Streisand’s character says, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” To which Ryan O’Neal’s character responds, “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Though we all had a good cry, the sappy factor became just too yucky pretty quickly.

Paramount Pictures

THE GODFATHER (1972)

Why we loved it: We didn’t need professional movie critics to tell us we were watching something extraordinary.

Memorable line: “It’s not personal , Sonny. It’s strictly business.”

Fun Fact: Al Pacino boycotted the Academy Awards because he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor while Marlon Brando, who had less screen time, was nominated (and won) for Best Actor.

The test of time: The Godfather box set is an all time best seller — first on VHS, then DVD, and now digital files.

(MORE: Like Movies? You’ll Love a Film Festival Vacation)

20th Century Fox

THE PAPER CHASE (1973)

Why we loved it: The main character beats the establishment!

Memorable line: “Aren’t you going to open your grades?” (Asked by Susan Fields as she stands by James Hart on the beach and he folds the envelope into an airplane and lets it fly.)

Fun fact: Director James Bridges asked five actors (including Edward G. Robinson) to play Professor Kingsfield before he approached John Houseman — who ended up with the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.

The test of time: Overheard recently while some 20-something law students were watching the movie: “What’s he doing on the beach? Shouldn’t he be studying for the bar exam?”

Warner Bros.

BLAZING SADDLES (1974)

Why we loved it: We got the jokes!

Memorable line: Reporter: “Sir, those are dummies.” Governor: “How do you think I got elected?”

Fun Fact: Mel Brooks said that the man in the sweater who appears at the end of the movie, as the whole group runs out of the Warner Bros. gates, was not part of the cast. He had wandered onto the set, and they shooed him away. When they viewed the dailies, there he was again, in the film, leaning against the lamppost.

The test of time: A “Western” that is totally anachronistic to begin with and full of terrific gags and roll-on-the-floor lines — something like that never feels “dated.”

MGM

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (1975)

Why we love it: We felt it was profound.

Memorable line: “I must be crazy to be in a loony bin like this.”

Fun Fact: Many of the actors stayed in character even when they weren’t filming — which is kind of scary when you think about it.

The test of time: Although Ken Kesey was so angry about the deviation from his novel (which he told from Chief Bromden’s persepctive) that he never watched the film, most people have a different view. The United States Library of Congress selected this movie for preservation in the National Film Registry.

(MORE: The Best Reasons for Going to the Movies Alone)

Paramount Pictures

GREASE (1978)

Why we loved it: We all wish we had gone to Rydell High.

Memorable line: “You can’t just walk out of a drive-in.”

Fun fact: The high school is named after Bobby Rydell, who was a teen idol in the 1960s and had a smash hit single called “Swingin’ School.”

The test of time: Teenagers are still hanging the movie poster in their bedrooms.

Universal Pictures

E.T. (1982)

Why we loved it: Though most of us were at least two decades older than the kids in the film, the “through the eyes of child” filming techniques and great storytelling went straight to our hearts.

Memorable line: “E.T. phone home.”

Fun Fact: This might have been the first movie that consciously used “product placement.” The filmmakers had wanted E.T. to be lured by a trail of M&Ms, but Mars said no. So Reese’s Pieces were chosen instead, and sales of that candy soared.

The test of time: Special effects may have come a long way since the 20th century (wink), but E.T. as a character is as believable as any Hobbit.

According to my crowdsourcing (done via a Facebook post about a month ago, to which I had nearly 70 responses), these are the movies that made our generation what we are.

Let’s keep this conversation going! Tell us in your comments below about the movies from the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s that you loved the most.

What are some movie lines you and your friends repeat all the time? Did any film influence your choice of career or change the way you looked at something? Two of my friends said they didn’t go to law school because of The Paper Chase. Someone else I know, an astronomer, joined the SETI project after seeing E.T. Is life imitating art? I’m looking forward to your movie stories.

Media on Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

From DailyWritingTips.com

Posted: 20 Aug 2014 09:22 PM PDT

Everyone wants to live longer, but no one wants to be old. –Harry Moody, director of academic affairs for AARP (2012).

To me – old age is always ten years older than I am. –Bernard Baruch, American financier (1870-1965).

About forty-two million Americans are 65 years or older. Advertisers, politicians, and researchers often need to refer to this group, but finding a term that will not insult its members is not easy.

Various terms have been suggested with varying degrees of success. Elder, elderly, senior, and retiree are the most common.

In Canada, according to what I’ve read in forums, the term elder has connotations of venerable age and wisdom; in the United States, however, people tend to associate elder with disapproving church elders or the word elderly. The decline of the acceptability of the word elder is illustrated by the name change of a travel organization established in 1975 for active Americans 60 and older. The parent organization is still calledElderhostel, but in advertising, the program is now known agelessly as “Road Scholar.”

Even the word retiree is heavy with the connotations of age. These days, the American Association of Retired People (founded 1958) goes by its initials only: AARP.

When politicians talk about “our seniors” in the same breath as “our children,” mature adults understandably bristle.

An article in The Senior Times says that the term “senior citizen” was coined in 1938 during a political campaign. Its use soars on the Ngram Viewer beginning in the 1940s. According to National Public Radio reporter Ina Jaffe, “senior citizen” is a term that “seems to annoy just about everyone.”

Recognizing the minefield of age and terms relating to it, The AP Stylebook has this entry for the word elderly:

Use this word carefully and sparingly. Do not refer to a person as elderly unless it is clearly relevant to the story. It is appropriate in generic phrases that do not refer to specific individuals: concern for the elderly, a home for the elderly, etc.

If the intent is to show that an individual’s faculties have deteriorated, cite a graphic example and give attribution for it. Use age when available and appropriate.

Apply the same principle to terms such as senior citizen.

Age is one of the realities of life that our culture prefers to deny. It’s unlikely that any term can be found to refer to old people that would not be offensive to someone because in our culture, old age itself is seen as offensive.

Perhaps the safest course is to refer to the intended age group in numeric terms:
between the ages of 65 and 75
above the age of 65
septuagenarian
octogenarian
nonagenarian
centenarian

Colloquial synonyms for “old person” range from friendly to deliberately hurtful, for example:
old-timer
oldster
codger
dotard
crone
coot

Although the word codger (like coot) usually has a negative connotation, this review about Dick Van Dyke in the Chicago Tribune (1992) makes a kind of compliment of it:

The wonderfully funny Dick Van Dyke, insufficiently honored in his prime, has now passed into the lovable-old-codger stage.

His comic gifts are sharper than ever, and he still dances with grace, style and a naughty insouciance. He is much too good for the quirky-old-coot roles that are his lot nowadays.