5 Common Fears About Growing Older

We have a lot to look forward to as we age.

Key points

  • Talk to your friends, family, or a therapist.
  • Get involved in activities that you enjoy and that connect you with others.
  • Learn as much as you can about aging and the challenges and opportunities that come with it.
  • Make a plan for your future, including your finances, health care, and housing..
Photo by samer daboul: courtesy of Pexels
Fear of aging
Source: Photo by samer daboul: courtesy of Pexels

When you think about growing older, what comes to mind? For many, it is fear. Fear of losing everything you value. Fear of aging is associated with an increase in vulnerability to fraud (Shao, 2021), increased anxiety (Rittenour, 2016), and can be particularly difficult for women’s body image and health as they grow older (Gupta, 1990).

Why is this? Usually, it is because we see life as purely physical. We are born, quickly grow and learn, and peak physically by the time we are in our 20s. Then we begin the slow physical decline for the rest of our lives. That is scary.

The most common fears about aging are:

  • Losing independence. As we age, we may fear losing physical and cognitive abilities such as driving, bathing, managing finances, and cooking. This is a fear of losing control over our lives.
  • Deteriorating health. As we age, we are more likely to experience chronic health conditions, such as heart disease, cancer, impairment from stroke, and Alzheimer’s disease. Such conditions hold the threat of pain, disability, even death.
  • Loneliness. Social networks may shrink as friends and family members die or move away. Resulting feelings of loneliness and isolation additionally pose a major health risk.
  • Financial insecurity. Many people worry about not having enough money to live comfortably in retirement. The concern is valid, as the cost of living continues to rise, and Social Security benefits are rarely enough to fully cover the expenses of retirees.
  • Death. Death is a natural part of life, but it is nevertheless a fear many people have. Some people may fear the pain and suffering that can come with dying, others may fear the unknown.

While these fears are common, they can be managed in the following ways:

1. Take care of your physical health: Stay active, eat healthy, and get regular medical checkups. Such efforts can help reduce the risk of developing chronic health conditions that can lead to impairment and early death.

2. Take care of your emotional health: Stay connected with friends and family. Engage in meaningful activities and plan for your financial future. Doing so can reduce stress and lead to emotional well-being, which minimizes fears associated with aging and makes growing older a more fulfilling experience.

If you are struggling with fears about aging, there are a few things you can do:

  • Talk to your friends, family, or a therapist about your concerns.
  • Get involved in activities that you enjoy and that connect you with others.
  • Learn as much as you can about the challenges and opportunities that come with aging.
  • Make a plan for your future, including your finances, health care, and housing.

It is also important to remember that you are not alone!

References

Shao, Yang, H., Lei, X., Li, J., & Zhang, Q. (2021). The Shackles of Fear: A Moderated Mediation Model of How Fear of Aging May Increase Older Adults’ Vulnerability to Fraud. Clinical Gerontologist, 44(5), 567–576. https://doi.org/10.1080/07317115.2019.1676354

Gupta. (1990). Fear of aging: a precipitating factor in late onset anorexia nervosa. The International Journal of Eating Disorders, 9(2), 221–224. https://doi.org/10.1002/1098-108X(199003)9:23.0.CO;2-K

Rittenour, & Cohen, E. L. (2016). Viewing Our Aged Selves: Age Progression Simulations Increase Young Adults’ Aging Anxiety and Negative Stereotypes of Older Adults. International Journal of Aging & Human Development, 82(4), 271–289. https://doi.org/10.1177/0091415016641690

Self-Paced Course on Embracing the Aging Process

Embracing the Aging Process

– A Path to Transformation

Are you struggling with the media’s message that we should be anti-aging?
Do you have fears about the aging process and all you are giving up in life?
Are you ready to embrace aging as a time of spiritual awakening?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find peace and purpose in aging through spiritual exploration in four modules taken on your own time.

This is an exclusive invitation for the beta cohort of this program. This offer has not been released publicly and will never be available again at this price.

Can You Imagine…a life where each moment is imbued with spiritual insight and peace. You carry the wisdom of your years with grace and share it with those around you, feeling a profound connection to yourself and the world. Visualize living each day with a heart full of gratitude and an open mind ready for new possibilities. You fully engage with life, savoring the wisdom that comes with age while feeling connected to something greater. Every moment feels meaningful as you navigate your days with a renewed sense of purpose.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

Phase 1:  Myths, Lies & Fears about Aging
 Confront fears and myths about aging, transforming them into opportunities for growth.

Phase 2: The Spirituality of Aging
 Explore spiritual concepts that bring peace and resilience to the aging process.

Phase 3: Doing a Life Review – What does my life wish to become
 Plan future steps that resonate with your spiritual and personal growth goals

Phase 4: Planning for the Future
Plan future steps that resonate with your goals.

Here’s What’s Included

  • Gain a fresh perspective that energizes your days, replacing uncertainty with a sense of empowerment as you see age not as a limitation, but as a time of potential and growth.
  • Harness a deep sense of calm and inner strength that guides you through life’s changes, ensuring each day is met with confidence and grace despite the challenges of aging.
  • Draw from the wellspring of your life experiences to reveal newfound confidence and clarity, embracing the unique wisdom and strength you possess at this stage of life.
  • Craft a life filled with purpose and direction, ensuring you move forward with a clear vision that aligns your spiritual insights with practical, meaningful goals.

PLUS These Amazing Bonuses

  • Ongoing Resources:A weekly newsletter featuring exclusive content, inspirational stories, and practical advice on spirituality and aging.
  • Ebook: Embracing the Aging Process

When Does It Start?

As soon as you Register

What’s the Investment?

Regular Price: $297
Exclusive Beta Price: $97

How Do I Reserve My Spot?

Meet Your Mentor – Dr. Toni LaMotta

In my pursuit to bridge the gap between aging and spirituality, I’ve spent a decade immersed in the study of conscious aging, a journey that has been both enlightening and transformative. With a foundation in Adult Development from Columbia University, my academic background provides a solid base for exploring these complex themes. Authoring ‘Embracing the Aging Process’ has allowed me to articulate my experiences and insights, offering a comprehensive guide for those seeking to infuse their later years with spiritual depth and meaning.

Through numerous podcasts and seminars, I have engaged with a community eager to redefine what it means to age, focusing on personal growth and skill development. These interactions have been invaluable, broadening my understanding and enriching my approach. As an empathic provocateur and master teacher, I’m dedicated to creating a space where individuals aged 40 and above can explore their spirituality in the context of aging, discovering new ways to live purposefully. My work is driven by the belief that aging is not merely a passage of time but an opportunity to cultivate a life that is both meaningful and spiritually fulfilling. It’s about embracing each moment with joy and a renewed sense of purpose.

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Why Growing Older Is Awesome

Why Growing Older Is Awesome, According to the SilverSneakers Community

By Nancy Fitzgerald | 

You have more power over aging than you think. Here’s the proof.

growing olderAches and pains, sorrows and losses—growing older isn’t always a laugh a minute. But cruising past retirement age comes with a lot of benefits too. Besides, does anybody really want to be a teenager again?

Studies show that embracing those birthdays is good for you. Seniors with a good attitude about getting older are better at handling stress, enjoy better physical and mental health, and even live longer.

“But it’s not just about living to be 100,” says Lewina Lee, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine. “It’s about being healthy physically and mentally. And optimism and a positive attitude are important parts of that.”

That’s a message we heard loud and clear from the SilverSneakers Facebook community when we asked this: “What’s your favorite part of being a senior citizen?”

Many of you chimed in, and responses were overwhelmingly positive. Deb G. summed it all up when she said that she’s “feeling like life has just begun!”

By your 60s, you’ve learned firsthand about the curveballs that life can throw your way. But despite everything, you’ve inspired us by embracing life with enthusiasm and joy. You’ve taught us a ton about optimism and persistence and the achievement of building a good life.

Here’s what we’ve learned from you. For us, it’s proof that growing older means getting better.

Lesson #1: Time Means Something Different (and That’s a Good Thing)

One of the best things about getting older? The chance to slow down and savor life, saying so long to the frantic pace of working and raising a family. Again and again, you told us how much you’ve loved easing into a lifestyle that’s still active—but is filled with things you really enjoy, with time to focus on you.

Kim B. is one who loves the slower pace of time, especially “being able to do the things I want to do and not what I have to do. I love keeping very busy but not punching a clock to sell my time.”

For Bonita H., the gift of time is the simple joy of a snooze in the middle of the day. And Nancy S. notes, “because I’ve had cancer three times already, I know how precious time is.”

Speaking of time, most of you are happy to toss the clock completely. Jeanne H. loves “not having to use an alarm clock. I sleep until I wake up, or until the puppy whines to go outside—better than the alarm!”

In fact, you’re so wrapped up in living life by your own rules that you may lose track of time altogether. Valerie C., for example, has tossed her calendar: “I look at the paper to see what day it is.”

Lesson #2: Self-Concern Gives Way to Focusing on Family and Friends

The most popular reason for loving life as a senior? “Grandchildren!”

Ken B. is one who puts his young crew on his large list of plans. On his retirement bucket list: planning to “walk the Appalachian trail, bicycle across the U.S., and spend time with my grandson.”

Being with the little ones is a joy, but it can be just as satisfying to know that you’re helping out. “I’m able to be there for the people I love,” says Dawn G. “We’ve had a lot of big events to celebrate and some serious emergencies where our ability to help was the best gift we could give.”

Janice B. agrees. “I love being available to help my family and make their lives a bit easier,” she says.

All that helping? Turns out it’s good for you. In a recent study, women who spent one day a week caring for their grandchildren performed best on tests of mental sharpness. And caring for the little ones can even add years to your life, according to a Swiss study.

Lesson #3: There’s No Age Limit to Learning

You’re never too old to master new skills. Just ask Stephen A., who’s taken up playing the banjo. For Nancy S., being a senior means “time to pursue writing without interruption.” Jaki R. loves taking classes, and Patricia G. is learning how to swim.

You showed us you’re curious and totally immersed in lifelong learning. “There are always new ways to develop and strengthen my mind, body, and spirit,” says La G.

Scientists say she’s on the right track. According to a study at Canisius College in Buffalo, New York, older adults who learn a new, mentally demanding skill improve their cognitive function. The trick, researchers say, is you have to try tackling a brand-new skill, and you have to work hard to see results.

Want to get even sharper? Try learning a couple of new things at once, say researchers at the University of California, Riverside. In their study, seniors who spent just six weeks learning multiple skills increased their cognitive abilities to levels similar to those of folks 30 years younger.

 

Lesson #4: Wisdom Really Does Come with Age

Many of you reported that you appreciate the wisdom you’ve acquired along life’s journey.

What exactly is wisdom? It’s tough to define, but you know it when you see it. Scientists say it emerges from life experience and plays out as people show a sense of balance, make thoughtful decisions, and act with understanding toward people with different backgrounds and perspectives.

A 2016 study at the University of San Diego confirmed what we’ve all been counting on as we creep up in years: Older adults exhibit more of the hallmarks of wisdom and an increase in measures of mental health.

The best thing about getting older, says Kathy M., is “learning that I don’t need to worry so much. Learning that if I can fix it, I will, and if I can’t, it’s not my problem. Worry is a terrible waste of a mind.”

Another big part of wisdom is emotional intelligence, and many of you have found that life has smoothed some of the sharp edges and helped you to be kinder and gentler. For Jan S., wisdom is all about “my changed attitude, realizing that kind words are sweeter than beauty.”

You know life hasn’t always been easy, but you’ve learned a thing or two along the way. For MaryLou K., wisdom means “surviving all the lessons I’ve learned and keeping on moving forward.”

Lesson #5: Giving Back Feels Good

Many of you expressed a profound sense of gratitude: “I’m just happy to wake up every morning!” writes Pat K. And you’re delighted to share some of your time and fortune with others—volunteering is one of the joys of being a senior.

Ellen D. says the best thing about growing older is “being free to volunteer,” for an organization that provides aid to people around the world who are victims of war, poverty, natural disasters and disease.

Diane B. says she loves focusing on her own community, “registering people to vote with the League of Women Voters and serving on the Homeless Task Force.”

Sandy T. enjoys having the chance to help others. She loves “serving at my church food bank and growing friendships there, but especially helping others.”

For some of you, the chance to serve takes a more personal turn, and you enjoy sharing your experience with younger people as a mentor. “I love having an opportunity to be an encourager to a younger adult,” says Rose R., “as someone was for me when I was younger.”

Lesson #6: Now’s the Time to Live Your Own Truth

After decades of trying to please others, you’ve told us you’re in the happy place of accepting—and liking—yourself just the way you are.

“I love being less concerned about what other people think,” explains Sherrill C., “and more concerned about living my life the way I want.” Gale H. is right on board with that. “Other than some aches and pains,” she writes, “I’m finally comfortable in my own skin.”

Many of you told us about the joy and freedom of casting off others’ expectations and being your authentic self. “I’m so happy to accept who I am now,” writes Irene M. “Not perfect, but that’s okay. My life isn’t controlled by fear of what others think of me anymore.”

These seniors are definitely onto something. The more we accept ourselves, the more likely we are to live fulfilling lives, according to researchers at the University of Hertfordshire in England.

We were glad to see so many of you have developed that healthy habit. Bette V. explains that she loves being a senior “because I don’t worry at all about what others think. I’m very grateful for the life lessons, and drinking in this stage of life, enjoying blessings, good health, great friends, great family—and truly (most of the time) being in a state of great peace.”

Ten Practical Guidelines for Conscious Aging

As the humiliating debate around whether Joe Biden has “aged out” of the presidency continues to play front and center on the American political scene, it becomes more and more clear that America is basically repelled by the aging process and largely clueless about the deeper spiritual possibilities that may lie coiled within it.

The teachings unveiling these possibilities still abound in the world’s wisdom teachings, where the term “conscious aging” is not simply a polite euphemism but an active pathway of spiritual metamorphosis: in a sense, the capstone project of an entire life’s journey.

What does it mean to age consciously? What might it mean for Joe Biden? For each one of us? In putting together these preliminary guidelines, I am drawing deeply on Helen Luke’s iconic book Old Age and Ladislaus Boros’ The Mystery of Death, two modern spiritual classics that have collectively laid the foundation for my own understanding. I am also drawing on a bit of my own work-in-progress as what once seemed far off now becomes the intimate landscape of my day-to-day life.

TEN PRACTICAL GUIDELINES FOR CONSCIOUS AGING

1. Honestly accept the journey into physical diminishment as the new learning curve in your life and embrace it with curiosity and beginner’s mind. Keep facing forward with a gently yielded heart; that is always the direction from which the new integration emerges.

2. Monitor and intelligently manage your changing physical circumstances. Don’t push beyond the limits of what you can responsibly sustain—not routinely, anyway, and above all, not to “prove you can still do it” through some heroic overexertion. Binge exertion becomes increasingly costly as you age.

3. Maintain your physical body in good work working order. Fix what’s broken and easily repairable, but don’t waste vital being energy trying to reverse the aging process itself. Become familiar with your new rhythms of replenishment and resilience.

4. Be as self-aware as you possibly can, keeping a particularly watchful eye on habitual or deeply engrained self-images and personal mythologies that no longer correspond to your present season of life and that can all too easily put you at risk.

5. Watch what happens when you try to draw energy from an outmoded image of yourself. Note how there’s a certain compulsive or “forcing the fit” quality to the will itself, combined with an overall narrowing of the spaciousness and freedom of your awareness. You get an immediate rush of “Ah, I’m my old self again!!” But that is exactly who you do not want to be. Your old self is the sacrificial lamb you will lay upon the altar of your deeper becoming.

6. Pay close attention to what people are mirroring back to you, noting any obvious discrepancies between how you think you’re handling yourself and the responses you’re receiving. Notice in particular when people seem to be taking up the slack for you, or when your willful self-positing becomes increasingly high-maintenance or stressful for others; inquire directly and adjust accordingly.

7. Be alert to new traits or features emerging in yourself, perhaps previously unexplored: new qualities of being, new interests, new facets of your selfhood that you may have previously underplayed. Be curious about them; give them space to grow. There is plenty of newness still percolating within you; you simply have to look for it in slightly different places.

8. Do not confuse physical vitality or “youthfulness” with being-vitality, which comes from deeper inside you and is entirely the fruit of your inner work. Being-vitality will shine out through even a shattered container.

9. Remember that you have not only an outer body, but an inner body as well: your kesdjan or second body. Through certain types of spiritual practice (for me, the Gurdjieff exercises; for others, embodiment practice such as yoga and and tai chi), you can begin to touch it directly and sense its subtle flow as the life within your life. This is the more subtle current that Boros calls “the rising curve of being;” it will ultimately carry you through the birth canal of death and deposit you in your fully attained kesdjan selfhood. Become familiar with this inner body; ride it; trust it.

10. Throughout all of life’s passages the same instructions hold: “THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH.” Honesty, openness, and gentle acceptance (a.k.a., “surrender”) create spiritual suppleness, the true mark of being-vitality. Insistence, clinging, contraction, and willfulness create spiritual sclerosis, the infallible mark of being-malaise at whatever season of life you find yourself in.

— Cynthia Bourgeault
baby Wisdom Elder

This blog originally appeared on CynthiaBourgeault.org. If you wish to leave a comment, go to this blog post on Cynthia Bourgeault.org