Dr. Toni

Movies that Reflect on Spiritual Growth in the Process of Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Lately I’ve been watching a lot more movies as a way of relaxing – but, somehow, even movies seem to hold special messages for my life.  So, I decided to find some that YOU might enjoy as part of your reflection on the process of aging.

I’m Not Rappaport (MCA/Universal, 1996)
— This feisty drama revolves around an 81-year-old Jewish radical who is a modern-day Don Quixote fighting injustice. He and his best friend have to stand up for themselves in a society that seems determined to treat elders as if they were invisible.

Men With Guns (Columbia TriStar, 1998)
— A common task in old age is to secure one’s legacy. A wealthy physician in an unnamed Latin American country who is nearing retirement decides to visit the medical students he trained to serve poor villagers in the countryside. His quest opens and softens his heart.

Nobody’s Fool (Paramount, 1995)
— This movie shows that the last stage of life can be one of personal renewal. A crusty and cantankerous handyman in a small town discovers that it is never too late to stir the ashes and light up your life with the glow that comes from love of family and friends.

The Shell Seekers (Republic Pictures, 1994)
— A 63-year-old Englishwoman suffers a heart attack and is compelled to review her life and her view of happiness.

The Straight Story (Walt Disney Home Video, 1999)
— Alvin Straight is a stubborn and highly principled 73-year-old Iowan who sets out on his John Deere lawnmower to visit his estranged brother who has suffered a heart attack in Wisconsin. His deep yearning for reconciliation gives him the energy and strength he needs to fulfill his mission.

Strangers in Good Company. (Touchstone, 1991)
— A group of long-lived women take shelter in an abandoned farmhouse when their tour bus breaks down. While they wait for other transportation, they share the stories of their lives with each other.

Waking Ned Devine (Fox, 1999)
— In this comedy set in a small village in Ireland, two of the town’s elders creatively expand the possibilities for community life.

Shirley MacLaine and The Process of Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Years ago I read everything I could get my hands on by Shirley MacLaine. I was fascinated by the fact that she never tried to hide her spirituality – even though it was considered “out there” by so many others, and especially by the media.  Hollywood seems to have embraced Shirley as she ages. Perhaps, it is because she herself has embraced the aging process. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about successful aging, healthy aging and what I’m more apt to call conscious aging. It seems as if those who have a spiritual outlook on life, age more successfully.  Wait.  Successful is one of those words whose very meaning is in the eyes of the beholder. Aging and all the things that go along with it, can be used as a means of spiritual growth. Think about it.  We can either complain because our joints creek, or we can use a ‘gratitude practice’ to recognize the gift our joints have been and still are.  We can bemoan the loss of certain memory – or we can take it as an opportunity to live in the moment and KNOW that the memories that are important can never be lost.

How are you facing the aging process?  Are you doing it consciously?  What spiritual practices have you found support it?  Do comment below.  I’d love to hear your experience.

In the meantime, here’s what Shirley MacLaine had to say in a recent interview.

GO!: Hollywood seems like such a tough business for women as they age — what is the very best part about getting older?

MacLaine: People laugh at my jokes more readily, they help me in and out of cars. I don’t have to worry so much about makeup and hair. The parts are wonderful — if they’re there. I really enjoy the older parts. I’m enjoying the third act of my life very, very much. I have not experienced some of these heartbreaking events of aging. That hasn’t happened to me, at least not yet.

GO!: What do you like most about the parts written for more mature women?

MacLaine: They’re full of wisdom, full of humor, full of experience, full of drama, full of comedy — all that, because you’ve lived a longer life so therefore the part is richer. In “Steel Magnolias” and “Terms of Endearment,” I think I was rehearsing for my old age.

…….

 

GO!: You’ve written about spirituality quite a bit — has spirituality become more of a focus in your life as you’ve aged, or has it always been there?

MacLaine: I think I’ve been a mystic basically since I was about 10 or 11. I’ve always ruminated on the otherness of things — there’s got to be more than this. That’s one of the reasons I travel. In southeast Asia, in Africa, in the near Middle East, the focus on material, physical dimensions is not as high a priority as it is in the West.

GO!: How has this mysticism played a part in your life’s work?

MacLaine: I’ve written these 13 books — they have been an exploration of these other dimensions. And I think acting is also a kind of mystical approach to expression. We imagine what a character might think, say or act, or have the body movement of. Imagination is considered unreal, at least in the West. So I use mysticism and imagination as (interchangeable) terms. I mean, maybe life itself is show business.

Excerpt from the Monterey County Herald

Learning to Love Growing Old

Posted on by Dr. Toni

I just read an article that I want to share with all ofyou.

It emphasizes that Fear of aging speeds the very decline we dread most.

It looks to me like we have our work cut out for us. To teach a generation of baby boomers to accept the aging process and let go of the fear.  I promise more reflections on this soon.

In the meantime, go read the article

Wisdom – To Celebrate Growing Older

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Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument.  Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don’t worry;  God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath.  It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything.  Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life.  Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time.  Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

 

Virtues of Aging by Jimmy Carter

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“We are not alone in our worry about both the physical aspect of aging and the prejudice that exists toward the elderly, which is similar to racism or sexism. What makes it different is that the prejudice also exists among those of us who are either within this group or rapidly approaching it. When I have mentioned the title of this book to a few people, most of them responded, ‘Virtues? What could possibly be good about growing old?’ The most obvious answer, of course, is to consider the alternative to aging. But there are plenty of other good answers–many based on our personal experiences and observations. ”
–from THE VIRTUES OF AGING

From Publishers Weekly

When President Carter’s 1980 electoral defeat brought involuntary retirement, at age 56, from his position at the White House, he had no set plans for the future. According to this sprightly essay, he and wife Rosalynn, now in their 70s, have continued to lead full, active, productive lives because of their willingness to explore new commitments, their abiding refusal to be mentally dormant. Besides serving at the Carter Center in Atlanta which they established to help negotiate peace agreements, to monitor elections in emerging democracies and to assist the elderly and mentally ill the Carters are both university professors, and they roll up their sleeves to build at least one house per year for needy families. Further, claims the former president, they run three miles a day, take 15-mile cross-country bike rides and their sex life is “more complete and enjoyable” than ever. Carter dispenses sage advice on how older people can fashion an interesting and challenging life, strengthen interpersonal relations, maintain good health and face death with equanimity. While most of this counsel is not especially original and occasionally veers toward the platitudinous, he fleshes out his prescriptions with practical tips and pertinent examples of friends, relatives and associates who have remained productive. There are some remarkably intimate moments, as when Carter shares cathartic free verse that enabled him to face his ambivalent relationship with his father, or when he discusses the compromises that contributed to the success of his 52-year marriage. (Oct.) FYI: A volume in the Library of Contemporary Thought series.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

At age 56, Jimmy Carter “involuntarily retired” when he was defeated for a second term as president by Ronald Reagan in 1980. Despite his achievements in office, Carter and wife Rosalynn faced many of the same challenges confronting other new retirees. The disappointment of Carter’s political defeat was complicated by an uncertain financial future for the couple resulting from mismanagement of the family business during Carter’s political career, their not having jobs, and the need to care for elderly mothers. In this brief book, Carter sketches how he and Rosalynn created new careers and new lives for themselves as authors, educators, and senior family members and as a couple growing old together. He adds statistics about the aging population, makes suggestions for healthy living, and defines successful aging. Carter covered much of this same material in his Everything To Gain: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life (LJ 7/87), coauthored with Rosalynn. Still, at 74, Carter writes as someone who has experienced the “virtues of aging” firsthand, and this work is a thoughtful addition for collections that don’t own the previous book.AKaren McNally Bensing, Benjamin Rose Inst. Lib., Cleveland
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.