Dr. Toni

Dying Deliciously

Posted on by Dr. Toni

“The hills are alive with the sound of mommy!“ 

That is the opening sentence my sister wrote for our mother’s obituary. The day before Thanksgiving, 2014, our beloved friend and nurturer was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and given 5 months to live. I was doing my own dance with ovarian cancer for the second time.  Visiting her in the hospital, I became aware of how vulnerable I was, still in chemotherapy treatment. I was already in remission so with the approval of my oncologist, I stopped three sort of the 18 weak protocol to walk mommy home.

My sister and I agreed that Mom would only die once so we vowed to make it a good death! Whatever that meant…  One of us was with her all the time.  We would take turns, one or two weeks at a time, never knowing of course how much time we have left with her.

Pancreatic cancer can be very nasty way to go. Life was filled with doctors appointments,  paracentesis and other procedures, a plethora of pills, and visits from friends.  The pills made her crazy at times and she would lash out. It was way too easy to get my feelings hurt but I had to remember over and over again that she was not herself.

Years ago an acquaintance asked her what the secret was to having such a good relationship with her daughters, because her daughters and her own relationship was in turmoil. My mom said something to her and forgot all about it. Two years later, this same friend found my mom and threw her arms around her! She thanked her profusely for changing her relationship with her kids! My mom asked “what did I say?”

“Let every thought I think, let every word I speak, let everything I do be out of love.“  That sums up Mommy all right! So when she was acting crazy and less than loving because of her illness and the drugs, that became my mantra. It wasn’t easy.    I know from being on both sides, it’s much easier being the patient than it is a caregiver!  I have never felt so helpless in my life.

One of the many lessons mom taught us was to embrace and honor our feelings. She believed that every emotion had value when harnessed and embraced. “It’s not the emotion itself that causes harm,” she’d say, “it’s what we do with our emotions that can cause harm.”  Mommy taught us how to cry! She believed that tears are a fabulous way to release grief and that anger was a normal response and could be channeled for great creativity!  So I guess it didn’t surprise me when my sister and I both came to the same conclusion after one side gripping, gut wrenching, grief releasing crying jag just weeks before she passed. This is DELICIOUS!

Wait a minute, how can death be delicious?  It wasn’t death itself, but the accompanying angst that is so much a part of who we are!  How could we ignore or push away this pain? Wasn’t it true that we felt so bad because we loved so good!?  Her friends got it. We invited them one or two at a time to come be with mom whenever they could. It was a nice time for me or my sister to get away for an hour or two. But it was a precious way of including her beloved friends that otherwise would’ve been left in the dark.

I had found and joined the Threshold Choir in 2012, as I was finishing the first dance of 18 weeks of chemo. I have been singing all my life, but singing at the bedside for people who are hovering between life and death, is by far the most sacred way I have ever used my voice.  Mommy was a singer. My sister and I sang together in harmony as often as we possibly could throughout our entire lives.  It was one of Mom’s biggest thrills… To hear us laugh and sing. So it was the most natural thing in the world to sit on either side of her, hold hands, and sing her home. On April 20, 2015, pretty close to five months from the initial diagnosis, mommy gave my sister and I her last breath as we sang her home.

Now I know what I want to do with my dying breath. To be sung to in lullaby tones is to be  cradled in the arms of song. There are about 300 songs available to this international organization. Song was written specifically for this precious purpose. I have written songs that are in the repertoire and that I want sung to me. Singing is such a personal gift, such a vulnerable act and so incredibly sacred, that it transcends tears and trauma. I want to give my last breath to those singing me to the other side!  I might have that opportunity sooner than later.

In August, my oncologist said I had 12 to 18 months to live, with treatment now that will only slow down the progress of the disease.  With the help of my friends, choir members, sister and other family members, I choose to live in harmony.  I choose to share widely, to sing softly, to love deeply, to die deliciously.

Come sing me home!

Lauren Lane Powell

www.LaurenLanePowell.com

Bio. Lauren Lane Powell is an expert vocal coach, recording artist composer, keynote speaker and author of the book “Holy Shift! Everything’s a Gift!”

She has been featured in Bloom magazine, New Horizons, and the Daily Word.  She is a codirector of threshold choir, here in Bloomington and is a regular contributor to the International Threshold choir Newsletter.

Lauren has been interviewed on radio shows with hosts like, Sandra Champlain, (Richard Brenden) Cathy Dewitt and George Whitten to name a few.

She has been the main keynoter speaker for the Unity Minister conference, several Great Lakes Unity Musician’s Conferences, and the Judith Coates Jeshua retreat,

She has a degree from Indiana University in voice and music education.

Lauren traveled extensively throughout the US and Puerto Rico facilitating her Sing For Your Soul and Harmonies of Healing workshops where her motto is “If you can laugh you can sing!”

Dying Before We Die

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation
From the Center for Action and Contemplation

Image credit: Autumn Leaves (detail), Koan, 2018.

Thursday, November 22, 2018
Thanksgiving in the United States

In one way or another, almost all religions say that you must die before you die, and then you will know what dying means—and what it does not mean! Your usual viewing platform is utterly inadequate to see what is real. It is largely useless to talk about the very ground of your being, your True Self, or your deepest soul until you have made real contact with these at least once. That demands dying to the old viewing platform of the mental ego and the false self. There is just no way around that. If you do make contact, you forever know that something is there that can be talked about, relied upon, and deeply trusted. You move from religion as mere belief to religion as a new kind of knowing.

Kathleen Dowling Singh explains why we must die before we die: “The ordinary mind and its delusions die in the Nearing Death Experience. As death carries us off, it is impossible to any longer pretend that who we are is our ego. The ego is transformed in the very carrying off.” [1]

Some form of death—psychological, spiritual, relational, or physical—is the only way we will loosen our ties to our small and separate false self. Only then does it return in a new shape which we might call the Risen Christ, the soul, or the True Self.

What dies? Your false self—and it is just a matter of when, not if.

Who lives? The God Self that has always lived, but now includes you.
Note that it’s a what that dies, and a who that lives!

Once you know that life and death are not two but are part of a whole, you will begin to view reality in a holistic, undivided way, and that will be the change that changes everything. This is nondual consciousness. No one can teach you this. Even Jesus had to walk it on his own, which is the only meaning of God “requiring” his death of him. Jesus calls this goal the “destiny” of the “Human One” (Mark 8:31), and he seems to know that he is a stand-in for all of us (Mark 10:39)—much more than he ever walks around saying, “I am God”! The only person Jesus ever calls a “devil” is Peter when he, the so-called “infallible” first pope, tries to oppose Jesus’ central message of death and resurrection (Matthew 16:23).

Gateway to Presence:
If you want to go deeper with today’s meditation, take note of what word or phrase stands out to you. Come back to that word or phrase throughout the day, being present to its impact and invitation.

[1] Kathleen Dowling Singh, The Grace in Dying: A Message of Hope, Comfort, and Spiritual Transformation (HarperOne: 2000), 219.

Adapted from Richard Rohr, Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self (Jossey-Bass: 2013), 59-60, 62, 66, 81.

Image credit: Autumn Leaves (detail), Koan, 2018.

Fear of Aging – by Keith Wommack

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What we fear can only keep us in captivity
Keith Wommack, In Your Words

Recently, when asked, “What can fear do to you?” I was reminded of two experiences.

The first started with me asking a Sunday school class of first-graders: “What would you say if someone wanted you to pray for them?”

A visitor to the class, a young girl, spoke up and confidently said, “I would tell them that they were safe in God’s pocket.”

A few hours later, my phone rang. A man who had a physical problem asked me to pray for him. Because the girl’s simple but confident response had so impressed me, and because I understand the cause of most problems to be fear, I was led to say, “You are safe in God’s pocket.”

He began to cry and hung up, without giving his name.

A week later, he called back to report he’d been healed of the physical problem the instant he hung up the phone. He also stated that for the next few days, every time he tried to smoke cigarettes, they tasted terrible. Not only had he been healed of the physical trouble, he’d stopped a long time habit of smoking, as well.

Yes, the girl’s pure trust in God’s constant care inspired a prayer that erased the man’s fear.

The second experience I was reminded of took place when I stepped out of a dressing room and into a packed church auditorium. I was suddenly nervous. Anxiously, I stepped over to a chair, sat and waited for the prelude music to finish.

My fear was puzzling. I had freely performed in a rock band in front of small and large audiences for many years. And although I was about to conduct my first church service of a three-year term, I was prepared. Everything I needed to conduct the service was in place on the podium. There was nothing to worry about.

Then, while the music continued, I recognized that the fear wasn’t mine but rather waves of sympathy from the audience. Many people have a fear of public speaking, and I was mentally sensing this fear.

I affirmed to myself that the fear wasn’t mine, and that I didn’t have to suffer from the thoughts of others.

When the music stopped, I stepped up and began the service. Immediately, the fear vanished. I found that I had the ability to stop being afraid. I could stop being a victim of fear.

What can fear do to you? It seems a lot. Anxiety, fear and worry can be mentally and physically harmful. Jere Daniel in a Psychology Today column, “Learning to Love Growing Old,” wrote, “Fear of aging speeds the very decline we dread most. And it ultimately robs our life of any meaning.”

I’m discovering that we experience what we think and that fear seems to be able to negatively touch every part of the body, if we allow it. I’ve found it effective to filter my thoughts through spiritual reasoning. Many call this prayer.

As I was listening to the prelude music in the church auditorium, I realized that fear was not a power to be battled with and defeated. The thought, “I am afraid,” was not mine. Not only did I affirm mentally that the fear wasn’t mine, I also knew that no power apart from God could govern my being.

If one glances through the King James version of the Bible, it is hard not to spot one of the 70 times “Fear not” appears. The second book of Timothy has helped me when I’ve been afraid. It states in part, “God has not given us a spirit of fear. But he has given us a spirit of power and love and self-control.”

Jeff Levin, in his book, “God, Faith, and Health: Exploring the Spirituality Healing Connection,” writes, “The best study conducted to date on the topic of religious attendance and health found the most amazing results. It showed that the protective effects of frequent participation in church can last a lifetime. … Published in the American Journal of Public Health, [one] study found that frequent religious attenders had greater survival rates — that is, lower mortality — that extended over a twenty-eight-year period. Frequent religious attendance in 1965 was still reducing the risk of dying in 1994.”

If we are children of God, a fearing soul is not who we really are. Fear keeps us from living freely as spiritual beings. However, fear disappears when we glimpse our identity as the image of the divine.

Keith Wommack is a syndicated columnist, Christian Science practitioner and teacher, husband and stepdad. He is a legislative liaison for spiritual healing and Christian Science in Texas.

http://www.statesman.com/life/faith/what-we-fear-can-only-keep-us-in-2402785.html

Death Makes Life Possible

Posted on by Dr. Toni

    I’m in the midst of creating a new product which is all about Conscious Aging and overcoming the fear of aging. Of course, that includes overcoming the fear of death as well. I’ve been reading a lot lately about this and as baby boomers age, the conversation gets more prevalent. I recently came across a new film that addresses this issue.  Here’s the trailer: