One way of looking at the changes that take place in a man’s life over the years has been studied and reported in a book called Quantum Change by William R. Miller and Janet C’deBaca.
THE STUDY
They collected dozens of “before and after” tales from interviews, letters, and telephone calls. The stories they tell all reflect two types of quantum change – sudden insights and epiphanies. The authors successfully assert that as a person is guided to a new place of authentic truth within himself or herself, peacefulness and inner strength ensue, and a positive shift in core values results.
The Findings
The findings show something quite interesting. Before the change, the top values in most men’s lives are: wealth, adventure, achievement, please and being respected.
It is not surprising to find these on the list. Men have been conditioned to be the breadwinners of the family and to be the hunter/gatherers who PROVIDE. And to provide, one must accumulate wealth. Society measures worth and influence by wealth and accumulation. Though the need to provide and to create a secure future doesn’t go away with age, other priorities take precedence.
In the original group of men studied, values after the ‘change’ shifted dramatically, placing spirituality as the number one value! After that came personal peace, family, God’s will and honesty.
Midlife Crisis as a Quantum Change
A midlife crisis can be such a change. Whether it is precipitated by the loss of a loved one, an unexpected accident, a job loss, an illness or just the raging shift of hormones, the good news is that a quantum change is possible.
In my experience counseling men of middle age and beyond, I have seen time and time again the validity of this study. As we approach closer to death than to birth, we begin to ask the eternal questions. Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? We see parents and friends leave this world and come to truly understand that we ‘can’t take it with us’ and so, we realize deeply that our priorities need to shift.
