One of the topics not discussed much in churches today is midlife transitions. I am talking about males in particular. I don’t feel qualified to talk about women. That topic is still a mystery to me.
Midlife transition happens to men. It affects them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The results are observable even though they may not recognize them. It is most observable when it becomes a midlife crisis which happens in one level or another to most of us. Crisis is simply a word that means a time when an important decision must be made. Since a change has taken place, decisions must be made. The only way to assure you will not survive is to refuse to change. Since you have changed, change must be chosen. Studies show midlife transition can begin as young as thirty years of age today.
Midlife transition, as a result of changes within yourself, cannot be avoided. You will experience negative emotions about the changes. They can manifest in the form of reevaluation of one’s life, feelings of hopelessness, disappointment in physical conditioning, depression, desire for irrational change, questioning your emotions toward your spouse, change in your sexual drive, irritability, spiritual lethargy, violation of your core value system, desire to escape, and possibly extra-marital affairs.
If you understand that just as a teenager going through hormonal changes can be pretty challenging, you can also understand an adult male going through chemistry changes can be pretty unpredictable as well. You may not understand what is going on. But there is help.
Solomon wrote a book sometimes referred to as “The Midlife Crisis Book”. It is called Ecclesiastes. He had gained tremendous wealth, incredible intellect, power, prestige, and certainly a lot of women. Yet, in his mid-years he began to question the value of all of those things.
He began to sink into a depression realizing that none of these temporal things were bringing him satisfaction at this point in his life. He finally came to the conclusion that all is vanity unless “one fears God and keeps his commandments for that is the duty of every man. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.” (12:13-14) This means we can’t just blame physiology and say, “My hormones made me do it.” We are still accountable for our choices.
Here is my advice for whatever it is worth.
Talk to your pastor or a mature spiritual male about your situation. Be proactive and purchase literature like Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway. Visit websites like fortysixy.org and midlife.com. Talk to your spouse so she knows it is not her. Visit with your physician. Get professional help if necessary.
It is a battle you can win if you take a level-headed approach. But in the end, you are going to have to press into God in a fresh, determined new way. God understands and He is with you. The Apostle Paul said that God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you”.
Oh, what unnecessary burdens we bear because we don’t take it all to the Lord in prayer. Sound familiar? Listen, if the smartest man in the world — Solomon — reasoned this out in his mind and came to a conclusion so good that God saw fit to include it in the Bible, then we need to take heed. Use this crisis as an opportunity to reorient yourself spiritually and press in to God in a brand new way. You’ll come out on a higher level than before.
God wants you to grow old well. This is the making of a sage.
