THE PRICE OF GRATITUDE
Judith Sherven, PhD and Jim Sniechowski, PhD
Long before we get to the table laden with turkey,
cranberry sauce and over-sweet yams, we are
face-to-face with the challenge of gratitude all
month long. For most of the year we can duck and
dodge the pressures of thankfulness, and most
people do – openly admitting to having a terrible
time accepting compliments, much less the larger
implications of being truly loved.
So the questions must be asked: Why do we have
such a difficult and sometimes painful time
receiving the blessings of other people’s affection,
admiration and sincere love? What is so powerful
that it so often fiercely defends against the
uptake of that which would transform our insecurities,
reduce our anxieties, and feed our comfort and
creativity in the world? What makes us work so
tenaciously to play ourselves down, fighting off
the praise that knocks so loudly at our door?
What is so powerful that often we don’t even hear
the knocking as a joyous visitor – but rather
as a rude intruder?
The fact is we live in prozac land, a world in
which putting one another down is considered funny,
punishing children’s spirited relationship with
life is commonplace and the resulting wide spread
depression is written off as biochemical. Or is it?
Maybe we are so blind to the forces that squash
the life out of us – the brilliant, the exuberant,
the spiritually dazzling — that we can’t even
begin to question why we are so allergic to compliments,
why our divorce rate keeps exposing how difficult
it is to be loved and loving. Maybe it’s long overdue
for each of us to embark on an individual campaign
to be recognized and respected and valued for our
unique gifts and talents. Not as an exercise in narcissism,
but as an exercise in receiving and then experiencing
and expressing sincere gratitude.
But then, notice, we will have to give up our “safe”
invisibility, our false modesty and most of all our
loggy depression that protects us from being truly alive.
For when we allow someone’s praise and love to truly
fertilize our soul, we feel more and more of the life force
awakening within. We become less and less able to stay remote,
vaguely unhappy with life but unwilling to do anything about it.
When we receive and feel gratitude, we want the whole
world to feel the same way. We surrender our isolation.
We come out of our shells. We reach back to embrace the one
who graced us with their spiritual generosity.
And in so doing, we are changed, transformed, made more (w)holy.
But all of this liveliness comes with a price. We must leave
the outer shell of false humility behind. When we do, we become
exquisitely aware of anyone who speaks negatively about our value,
placing ourselves in the situation of having to do something
about it or not. And we must shed those who cannot
accept the magnificence that each and every one of us is.
This Thanksgiving give yourself the gift of your own unique
value and vow to never again allow another to put you down,
to mock you, to in any way block your light!
And, at the same time, make a commitment to practice
saying “Thank You!” from the bottom of your heart each and every
time you are graced by another’s positive recognition
of who you are.
We wish you a Happy Wish Bone and the very best Thanksgiving
you’ve ever had!
