Midlife Reinvention

Midlife Reflections on Aging and Growing Older

Posted on by Dr. Toni

A good friend sent this — I don’t know the author – but, it’s worth passing on,,

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I
was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old! Upon seeing my
reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an
interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.

Growing Older, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have
always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body …
the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the cellulite. And often I am taken back
by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those
things for long.

*I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my
loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve
become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own
friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making
my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks
so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to be messy, to be extravagant,
to smell the flowers. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too
soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer
until 4 a.m. and then sleep until –I will dance with myself to those
wonderful tunes of the 50’s & 60’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep
over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a
bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances from the bikini set, who too, will get old
(If they’re lucky)!

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But then again, some of life is
just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart
not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a
beloved pet dies? But broken hearts are what give us strength,
understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and
sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray,
and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my
face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair
could turn silver. I can say “no,” and mean it. I can say “yes.” and mean it

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about
what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned
the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being older. It has set me free.
I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I
am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or
worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day… (if
I want).
Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.
Love simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

LIVE WELL – LAUGH OFTEN – LOVE MUCH!

7 Midlife Career Change Tips – how Van Gogh did it

Posted on by Dr. Toni

By Lyndsay Swinton

It’s never too late for a midlife career change. Before he taught himself how to paint, *Vincent Van Gogh was an art dealer, schoolmaster, student priest, and missionary. Indeed, he was well into his thirties before his artistic talents were recognised. Not too shoddy for a midlife career change!

Whether you want to return to work, get your dream job, achieve a better work-life balance or simply need the challenge, this 7 step career decision making advice will help you think through your midlife career change.
Let’s get started…
1. What skills and experience do you possess?
List exactly your skills and experience, focussing on what you can do, not on what you can’t. These are commonly called “transferable skills” because no matter what line of work you’re in, they are useful.

You’ve probably got unique talents or knowledge – go ahead and list that too. These may end up differentiating you from the rest, and land your dream job. (If you have problems identifying these, ask a friend, or consider some email coaching.)
Okay, so there may be some gaps between you and your dream job, but if you could do it all already, why bother with a midlife career change? It’s highly likely you can close those gaps without going back to school full-time.

Sound unlikely? Well, have you heard of secondments, job shadowing, or learning on the job? And what about taking a sabbatical to work in the voluntary sector to test things out? All of these enable a mid life career change without going back to school.

(If you would like more help closing skills gaps, take a look at my free personal development plan guide.)
2. What field would you like to work in?
So now we know what you can do. Maybe you want to stay doing what you do, but in a different field? My uncle moved from a high flying banking job to become a financial director of a large theatre, fulfilling his love of the arts whilst still getting his “fix” of numbers.
Science, medicine, government, working from home, military…. There are so many choices it can be overwhelming. Luckily the next step will help narrow it down.
3. What lifestyle do you want?
Your lifestyle aspirations change as your circumstances change. What suited you as a footloose fancy-free twenty something may no longer hold water as a thirty something with 2.4 children, dog and pet rabbit. What is your ideal day? Who do you see? What kind of people are around you?
4. Where do you want to live?
Choosing to live in a remote community may be tough going if you have super niche skills. Maybe you can market those skills online – just check out if you can get broadband before you move :>)
Travelling is another consideration, be it the daily commute or international globe-trotting. Does this figure in your dream job? If so, you need to consider the dull reality of trains, planes and automobiles.
5. What salary fits your lifestyle?
Let’s talk money. How much money do you need to live your life – now and when you retire? It’s a sorry truth that most of us have to work to get bread on the table.

Don’t let dollar signs cloud your vision of your dream job though. My sister-in-law took a massive pay cut to move from corporate life to the public sector but one year later is earning more than her corporate salary.
6. What career progression exists?
Are you painting yourself into a corner career-wise? Does your dream job have a finite life span or are there opportunities to grow and develop? Lack of career progression may be why you are looking to change careers now! I certainly moved from one job as the glass ceiling was firmly fixed above my head.
7. How will you progress this?
Right, here’s the really difficult bit. I never said it was going to be easy ;>) In fact, I’ll spill the beans now. Making a midlife career change can be slow, hard work, and requires you to do some tough thinking. But consider the alternative – wasting your life in a dead end job, unfulfilled and embarrassed about how your obituary will read. (Besides, if you make the right decision, your enthusiasm will carry you through the trickier bits).
So come on, how will you progress this?
I’m not going to let you off the hook here! How are you going to land that dream job? Who do you need to speak to? What research needs done? Who can help? Just like fishing, you can only catch a fish when you have a line in the water. Your dream job is out there waiting to be caught.
Giving midlife career change advice is easy – it’s up to you to make it happen. But whenever you find the going getting tough, remember Van Gogh! Pull together an action plan and do it, no excuses.

By Lyndsay Swinton
Owner, Management for the Rest of Us
www.mftrou.com

Momentum in Midlife

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Today I heard a lecture from someone who used to work with Tony Robbins. I want to share a process he shared with us. I think it fits in my latest midlife musings.

For anything to happen in life, for a true Midlife Reinvention,
you need to take it through several stages before setting goals:
Get Clear
Get Certain
Get Excited
Get Focused
Get Committed
Get Momentum
Get Smart

You can probably fill in the meaning of each of these. Let’s share our ideas on this. You know how I feel about getting clear! It’s what I focus on with all my coaching clients. It’s step one…and two and three..

7 secrets to “Reinvent Midlife” From the Inside-Out

Posted on by Dr. Toni

          Years ago, I was part of a woman’s drumming circle whose members ranged from 7 to 97. At one meeting we were celebrating someone’s 50th birthday and the leader asked that only those 50 and older speak that night. Each person in turn talked about the freedom she finally felt to be herself. Many spoke of letting go of the need to please anyone else or to be so determined by what others might think. I remember noticing how riveted on every word the young girls were and thinking, “I wish I had heard these words when I was that age.” They were given a gift that day – to know that the aging process is a process of transformation and freedom rather than of decline and defeat. If you were never given that message, please hear it now.

          Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. It can truly be an opportunity to allow yourself to fully live the life you’ve always wanted.

My favorite symbol is the dragonfly, because it represents transformation and its true colors don’t come out until it’s more mature. I have learned several things in my own growth that I want to share with you – secrets that will help you reinvent your own midlife.

          The first secret is that all reinvention is an inside job. No botox or physical alteration or exterior make-over can give you what you can give yourself and must give yourself for any change to be lasting and significant. So, the most important thing you can do during this time of your life is to find a spiritual practice that will help you go within and discover what’s already there.

          The second secret is that you don’t have to do it alone. When I was younger, I used to think it was a sign of weakness to get help. Now, I realize that I get clear on what I am thinking when I share it with someone else. Sometimes friends and family can serve that purpose, but often they are too close to see me objectively. So, for the past 10 years, I’ve been hiring coaches. I actually have several, to support different aspects of my life. I find the spiritual life coaches to be the most impactful, because they support me in going within and finding my own answers.

The third secret is to let go of what no longer serves you – including forgiving others and yourself. Forgiveness is key to any growth. Nature abhors a vacuum. So, in order for something new to emerge, it’s important to clean out the old. This goes for old clothing, sometimes it even means to release relationships that no longer serve you as well. But, the most important release is the one that allows you to let go of the past hurts. There are so many techniques and practices that make this possible – and it is essential to being able to move on.

       The fourth secret is that there is no need to forgive! I realize that this may sound contradictory to the third point. But, if you really want to transform rather than just change, it’s important to discover that everything in your life has been what it needed to be. There are no victims, only volunteers. Life gives to you according to your beliefs and feelings and so, nothing has been an accident. This concept when fully embraced can make the most radical difference in your life. (More to follow on this in the newsletter, Reinvent Midlife).

       The fifth secret is that you already do know what you want. Until you get clear on what you want, the Universe has no way of giving it to you. There are several things you can do to get clear on what you want. The first is to stop saying “I don’t know”. Just notice how often you say that and then say, “If I did know, what would it be.” You’ll be amazed at what’s already inside you.

        The sixth secret is that not everything is changing. This one is essential. Most of us, when in transition do what I call awfulizing. We think that NOTHING is stable, that EVERYTHING is in flux. Get a handle on what is actually staying the same so you can feel grounded.  Here’s a place where a coach can especially be helpful.

          The seventh secret is that your life has been a preparation for this time. I have found over and over that the things I have done in the past ALL support who I am becoming. It seldom works to think you are starting all over. When you recognize the resources you’ve already acquired, you’ll feel much more confident to move ahead.

Discover the qualities you already have within you. I promise it will make a huge difference in your life.