Midlife Transition

Below are some possible examples of why you may create or allow ‘negative’ experiences in your life.

* Subconscious limiting beliefs you hold in the given area that are dictating your experience.
* Ego payoffs/agendas (blame, self-righteousness, victimhood, pity, power-struggle, judgment, martyrhood etc.)
* Revenge -any failure, heartbreak or painful experience may be a subconscious form of attack/revenge on another, such as a parent, life or God, for example, (“If you’d have loved me more, I’d be happy, successful, I’d not be in this mess, etc…”)
* Negative life-script/dark-story you are living, perhaps as a repeating of an earlier painful life experience and reflecting beliefs you may have formed about life/yourself. You can always re-write your life script!
* Repressed anger brought to the surface for release by virtue of your challenging circumstance.
* To learn, heal and grow – there may be a transformational gift present in the challenge that will change you in powerful ways and enable you to become more of who you are.
* A shadow figure in your unconscious mind or a past life-time experience where you exhibited the behaviour that is currently causing you pain which you have not yet forgiven yourself for (i.e. projection of a denied aspect of self).
* Repressed childhood trauma or painful experiences that are surfacing through this incident to be healed and addressed.

* Low self-worth/self-value.

* Self-punishment – using another person/situation to harm/hurt you (even if you consciously are not aware of it, on some level you have chosen/allowed/ sign-up for this).
* The gift of forgiveness – a gift you have come to give others in this lifetime or to help others achieve the same by the grace of your ability and willingness to do so yourself through trying circumstances.
* Neediness/dependency/lack of personal power – putting the responsibility of your happiness in the hands of others.
* Sacred contract/soul purpose – something you ‘signed-up’ to experience for your soul’s evolutionary journey, possibly before even entering this life-time.
Becoming conscious is the first step on the journey of healing and empowerment.
Recognize, acknowledge, forgive and change…

I am about to reveal an incredible secret about your dreams that is so unexpected, so astounding that I am confident you have never heard about it before. Read it, absorb it, use it, and soon you’ll be on the road to a new kind of fortune few will ever know.

Make your deepest wish come true
Meet each morning with bright anticipation
Step into the refreshing flow of real life
Even though this revelation may seem strange and unsettling at first, just keep reading because you will soon discover its amazing power. It can shake up your life — for the better! — forever. Here it is:

Your present dreams about where to find happiness and fulfillment are the very things that stand between you and the real happiness and fulfillment you seek.

They act as a barrier to a special creative power that can pour itself into you right now and make the deepest wishes of your heart come true.
Now keep going, because this next point is more shocking still:

The dreams you presently have are not even yours!

They are leftover mind patterns created by encounters you’ve had in the past with parents, teachers, movies, books, and magazines. They are not alive. They are recycled. And that’s why, even if you manage to fulfill them, they don’t fully satisfy.

We all instinctively know that this is true. Have you ever realized one of your dreams only to find yourself with an unexpected feeling of emptiness? Or, maybe you ran across the “finish line” of some newly achieved goal, only to hear the “starting gun” go off again? Of course you have — we all have. But, haven’t you ever wondered…

“Why do most dreams end in the same way? What vital message am I missing?” Here’s the secret answer:

There is a completely different kind of “dream” that lives in the deepest part of all of us, one whose quiet longing, once answered, has the power to completely change your life. And once we finally “get it”… once we realize that the freedom and fulfillment our heart longs for is something we want now — not later — we have completed the first leg of the “hero’s journey.” We are ready to make our real dream a reality!

We have left behind us the ever-retreating world of “a contentment to come” and stand prepared to enter into conscious relationship with success itself: Life’s endless stream of new creative energy.

It’s a fact that Life’s creativity is endlessly refreshed. Each and every creature is a unique expression of an intelligence that never ceases to renew itself. Look closely at a stand of white Aspen trees, or the small group of Gold Finches flitting about in their branches; it’s clear that no two creations are exactly alike. And it’s for a similar reason that we love hearing the rain fall, or watching the waters of a rushing river: second to second their ceaseless newness stirs within us the same feeling.

However, when we look at the lives of most human beings, we don’t find this same sense of newness refreshing itself. Instead, we see weary people being dragged down by mind-numbing routine, old patterns, and recurring problems.

Why? What blocks us from knowing, directly, this vital newness that’s all around us, but that sleeps within us? How can we share in these vibrant forces that are the foundation of creativity itself? What must we do to stop dreaming our life away, and begin really living it?
by Guy Finley

Go to the right  hand column and click on the Green book — What You REALLY Want, Wants You. You may find that you already have all you REALLY want.

Googled ‘secret to success’ and I came up with over 617,000 listings! Some secret! In fact, I know I’ve written more than one article on the subject myself. Yet I’m still learning and still pressing the Universe for answers to the deepest questions, especially those that plague most of us at the midlife transition. Midlife, you know, is that time of life when we transition from doing what we were supposed to do, to doing what we were destined to do . If you are having trouble figuring out what I mean by that, then the midlife transition may not have hit you quite yet. But, be patient! It will!

Now, back to the REAL Secret to Success. After the life-altering experience that I underwent a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to write about something significant that I had learned . . . something that might be of benefit to others. I thought about the biggest obstacle that people (men especially) have to face at midlife. I know that ‘stopper’ very well: self-sufficiency. I also remember the one piece of important advice that almost every entrepreneur I interviewed on my former radio program (The Frazzled Entrepreneur) gave as his or her parting comment: “Get yourself a coach, mentor or adviser!” Seeking the counsel of others is of critical importance to anyone who is in pursuit of success. Yet, in itself, this is not the REAL Secret to Success. What is?

Before I answer that question directly, let me first reiterate the one reason I believe that many people delay the midlife transition unnecessarily and thereby cause themselves so much needless pain. I think that trouble with the midlife transition begins with the mistaken idea that we should know how to handle it. So long as we believe that without assistance we should have what it takes and everything we need to transform ourselves from duty-based to destiny-based decision-making, we will remain self-deceived. In fact, if you take just one step back from that statement, you’ll see the inner contradiction: the word ‘should’ is real give-away that we’re still dealing with a duty-based core values system. When we’re ‘should-ing’ on ourselves, we’re not operating in authenticity. We’re not accepting life on life’s terms. We’re not accepting ourselves just as we are. As a result, and out of fear, we find the need to pretend to be other than the people who we really are. We pretend that we’re capable and adequate, all the while dreading that others might find out the truth: that we’re frauds and that, if you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me at all.

What, then, is the REAL Secret to Success — and the REAL secret to a successful midlife transition as well? Get out your pens and papers (no stone tablets necessary) because here it is: the REAL Secret to Success is humility. Wait! Don’t stop reading yet! It’s true, and I’ll show you why! First, though, I’ll repeat here once again my favorite definition of humility (which I have so far been unable to trace back to its source): ‘seeing yourself as God sees you and acting accordingly.’

Now, I want to share with you the two greatest gifts of humility, and then I want to discuss how to obtain this elusive Secret to Success. The first gift of humility is honesty. In all the 12-step recovery programs, it is an often-stated (and well-demonstrated) fact that people can recover from addiction but only “if they have the capacity to be honest.” The kind of honesty that can lead to healing is only one that is willing to offer the unvarnished truth to one’s self, to one’s fellows, and to one’s God. Humility strips away the need for pretense. When your self-esteem no longer depends on what you think others’ opinions of you may be (and when those opinions no longer matter), then there no longer exist any reasons to hide behind dishonesty of any sort. You’re free to be the exceptional person whom you really are . . . without excuses.

The second gift of humility is courage. Cowardice consists only of giving in to the fear of facing overwhelming consequences. Yet, humility allows you to see yourself with both your limitations and your strengths. Self-acceptance and the honesty that it provides allows you recognize that you’re not a super-hero, you never were a super-hero, and nobody expects you to be a super-hero. You have incredibly valuable gifts that are uniquely yours and the universe stands in need of your courageous generosity. The universe (and the people who inhabit it) are also more than willing to provide you with whatever you need, once you summon the courage to ask. No consequences are truly overwhelming for the humble: they know that life is a gift that’s both given and sustained by a Power greater then themselves. Living life on life’s terms for them is a matter of acceptance, trust, and engagement.

Gaining humility is at once both an inside and an outside job. On one hand, it takes willingness to confront ourselves exactly as we are, without pretense, and it takes a specific commitment to do the work to make that happen. It takes a commitment to yourself, to your future, and to every person who either depends upon you right now, or ever will depend upon you in the future. It takes a commitment to become the person who you were destined to be without complaints or excuses. It means looking yourself in the eye in the mirror and telling yourself that you’ll no longer settle for anything less than everything you deserve.

On the other hand, you can never gain humility by yourself. Notice that, even when you look at yourself in the mirror, the image is distorted. It’s backwards. That’s why you look so strange when you see yourself in a picture or a video. It’s only then that you see yourself as others see you. You need others to reflect back to you the person you cannot see on your own — with all your strengths and your limitations. These people see in you everything that escapes you. They know (and very often play along with) your dishonesties. They silently step in when they see that you’re shrinking back out of fear. They know the truth about you even when you’re ignorant of it. These mirrors of your soul give you the gift that you desperately need: perspective. And, it’s not only those who like you who are your friends; the people who dislike you, who are your fiercest critics, are your best friends. They are the people who’ll show you things about yourself that even your ‘best friend’ won’t tell you. Listen to them: all of them.

You’re probably very familiar with the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you change one word, you’ll discover the Humility Prayer: “God, grant me the humility to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” What does that tell you? Only that, humility and serenity are interchangeable. If you want serenity, seek humility. Seek it in the eyes, the words and the deeds of those around you. Because, once you’ve found it and embraced it, you’ll discover that you’ve found integrity and courage as well. If that isn’t ‘success’, I don’t know what is. How’s that for the REAL Secret to Success?
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown

Resistance at Work

If you are resisting success it’s probably not obvious to you because resistance is an inner process. It’s part of a mindset that is rooted in the subconscious.

However, if you are not achieving the thing you say you want, are working too hard at it, or not enjoying the process, resistance is at work. Others signs of resistance include procrastination, ambivalence, overworking, overeating, multitasking, being late, missing appointments and waiting.

The Reason for Resistance

The reason for resistance is the same whether it has to do with stepping into the next level of business, income, relationships or any other aspect of your life. Something within you is in conflict. If it is within you, it will show up in the the outer world and in the quality of your life.

Inner conflict is ultimately between your true desires and false beliefs.

Desires on the one hand are a divinely brilliant aspect of human nature – they come with us. They are the life force within us seeking new expression. They lead us to our purpose and the expression of our innate gifts. And they are filled with the energy of success.

False beliefs on the other hand are simply that, false. They are insidious and tend to remain outside our awareness – as a result they show up as “the way things are.”

False Beliefs are the voice of lack and limitation and have the intention of maintaining the status quo. A universal false belief is “I’m not good enough.” Or “You have to work hard to make money.”

You Can Move Beyond Resistance

You can move beyond resistance and shift into a new mindset and a new way of being.

Becoming aware of resistance is key and the first step in moving beyond it. You might notice any of the signs in the second paragraph above.

Get into the habit of identifying these signs and others as symptoms of resistance. Take a Conscious Breath and lightheartedly say to yourself, “Ah, here is resistance showing up again.

Simple awareness of resistance defuses its power and loosens its hold on you. It also gives you space to stop the self sabotaging action or behavior and choose something different.

Rather than unconsciously reacting from a false belief, you can consciously energize and act on your true desire.

Step into Your Greatness with Awareness

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With all that is going on in the world I started pondering and came up with 12 important questions to ask myself, and I decided to share them with you.

1. What is your life purpose? Are you here just to exist and then die, or have you chosen to live your life doing something that you consider important? How does your being here make a difference and what are you here to accomplish? Your purpose gives your life a sense of direction. Are you living your purpose?

2. What is your passion? Your purpose should align with your passion-something that always holds your interest; something of which you never tire. Are you living your life in a way that allows you to pursue your passion? Are you embracing life as an adventure and take risks?
3. When you meet life’s challenges, what is the source of your strength? Do you know how to access that strength when you want it? Do you focus on Have, Do and Be in your life? Instead on BE, DO, and HAVE? Be the person you want to be, Do whatever your heart desires and Have as a result of the previous two all that you deserve and want in life. By Being you find a source of personal strength, find it!

4. Do you know how to comfort yourself and be a friend to yourself at all times, no matter what? When life becomes difficult to bear, what is your source of comfort? Is your source of comfort a healthy one? Is your source of comfort one that you find satisfying and fulfilling? Or is that form of comfort and addiction or codependency that is harming you?

5. What are you doing to establish and maintain loving relationships with the people closest to you? Are you satisfied with your closest relationships? Are you satisfied with your behavior in those relationships? If you aren’t happy with your relationships, how could you improve them? Do you love every day with a full heart and express that love daily?

6. How well do you manage stress? How do your coping skills rate when it comes to the stress of daily living? If your rating is low, how could you boost your abilities in stress management? Do you have a system that can bring you down to neutral in times of high stress? Once the source of stress is recognized, do you focus on that for days and days, or do you move to finding a solution right away? Do you move to action?

7. Do you have good health practices? Do you get good nutrition, adequate exercise and sleep? If not, what changes could you make? Do you get connected with nature every day and feel the energy of the earth as a nurturing and balancing energy in your life?

8. Is your work satisfying? Are you pursuing work that allows you to use your talents, and expand your skills and knowledge? Do you enjoy coming to work each day? If not, what would you rather be doing, and how could you get there? Are you afraid of making changes in your life so you can do what is fulfilling to your soul?

9. Are you satisfied with your spiritual path? Does your spirituality give a larger, coherent perspective on living that strengthens you and inspires you? Do you have a spiritual practice that can deeply connect you with yourself and the Divine every day, at every moment? If not, what would make a difference for you in this regard?

10. What do you do to have a sense of inner peace? Do you have a practice or ritual that brings you moments of peace? Do you know how to access a peaceful frame of mind that can provide insulation from the chatter and noise and bustle of the world around you? Do you practice prayer and meditation to bring you a sense of inner peace?

11. Do you do something every day to impact in a positive way the lives of others? What is your contribution to humanity, to all beings on the planet? Do you practice service as a way of life regardless of the job you may have? Do you give to others, but you make sure you give and keep for yourself whatever you need to function in life from a place of abundance and not a place of lack and depletion?

12. Are you grateful for whatever you have in life? Do you practice gratitude as a way of being? Have you come to realize that everything that you have in life or that which you desire and you don’t have, anything that you have gain and anything that you have lost; has contribute to your growth and spiritual and personal development. Do you give deep thanks and express gratitude for everything?