Plastic Surgery (Thankfully) Is Under the Knife – Accepting oursleves in Midlife and Beyond!

Anti-ageism commentator Margaret Morganroth Gullette gives thanks for some good news about plastic surgery. Procedures are down, outcry is up and few American women ever considered getting themselves “done” anyway.Editor’s Note: The following is a commentary. The opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily the views of Women’s eNews.
(WOMENSENEWS)–Plastic surgery sometimes gets played, pedaled and plugged as an irresistible tsunami
overpowering its primary targets, women between 35 and 50.But this Thanksgiving we have some gratifying news to digest: The tide has been turning.Half of plastic surgeons report their practices were down last year. That was before the worst of the recession,
so it’s not just a matter of cost or insurers who only cover operations that fix “deformities” or improve healthy
functioning.

From 2004 to 2005, liposuction was down 5 percent; eyelid surgery down 20 percent. Even less-invasive
procedures such as microdermabrasion and chemical peels were down in that same time period, by 7
percent and 50 percent respectively, according to the American Society for American Plastic Surgery.

It’s also a matter of growing cultural aversion toward the results. “Scary” is emerging as an increasingly common adjective for the surgeons, procedures and–more frequently–the results.

‘Before and After’ Galleries

Web sites with names such as “Plastic Surgery Disasters” and “The 15 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgery Disasters You Will Ever See” have developed cautionary before-and-after galleries.

“Before” shows attractive men and women of all ages, including celebrities. “After” shows women with cavities in Barbie-sized breasts; men with hyper-wide eye-lifts. One Flickr site invites, “Caption This Disaster.”

The anti-plastic tone can often be cruel and jeering: “You wanted this look? You think this looks good?” Sometimes it’s rueful, such as a recent New Yorker cartoon of a young couple lovingly holding hands. “I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with,” she says.

“Anti-aging surgery” is becoming a misnomer. Dr. Pauline Chen, the surgeon who wrote “Final Exam,” describes an older surgeon, after “countless submissions” to the knife, as having skin “like plastic wrap stretched tightly over a bowl.” Designer Isaac Mizrahi says, with ageist malice, “If you want to look 70, get a facelift.”

The pushback extends to stars such as Ashley Tisdale. In People recently, the young actress went out of her way to say her five-hour operation to repair a deviated septum wasn’t plastic surgery, which she wouldn’t recommend to anybody.

Resistance can also take the form of support for those who resist “getting done.”

The thoughtful film critic Wesley Morris, for instance, praises the face of Melissa Leo, a 40-year-old actress in “Frozen River,” for its “amazing and unlimited capacity for solemnity, grief, despair and rage. If you’ve been to a movie lately, you know what an un-nipped, untucked, Botox-free miracle that face is.”

Resisters in the Majority

This type of feedback and commentary is complemented by a majority who oppose surgical fixes for themselves. According to a Nielsen study of women around the globe, 80 percent would never “go under the knife.” Data from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery itself indicate that 69 percent of U.S. women do not think it an option for themselves.

Why don’t we ever hear that nonusers–many of them resisters–far outnumber potential users?

People actively opposed have a point of view that rarely gets heard and a social milieu that is entirely supportive of them.

According to interviews collected by sociologist Abigail Brooks for her absorbing 2007 Boston College dissertation, resisters are often dismayed at the way surgery survivors look.

A woman in Brooks’ study described a friend who lost “the most gorgeous, beautiful eyes, they were her redeeming feature. . . The bags are gone but the shape is different.” “Her eye is crooked, definitely,” another of Brooks’ interviewees reports thinking. A woman with an eye-lift looked as startled as a “deer in the headlights.” Another said she found it “exhausting” to interact with a woman whose facelift gave her an intense “wind-tunnel” look.

“Normal” is a goal for many who undergo plastic surgery. They often say they know surgery won’t make them look “beautiful” so normal is their aim. But it turns out their friends think “normal” is the way they used to look.

Even Nora Ephron, who made some women feel bad about their necks, admits, “It’s a scary thing, when you have friends you don’t actually recognize.”

This is the real majority speaking, and it’s turning against the trend.

Disappointment is built into the practice, and is not limited to so-called addicts. Many decide after one experience that it was enough. Women are writing books–like Alix Kuczynski’s “Beauty Junkies”–that declare “never again.” After age 50, the percentage of users drops by almost half. The so-called boomers are halfway through the dangerous age.

The conspiracy of silence is breaking down. The death a year ago of hip-hop star Kanye West’s mother, college teacher Donda West, after a five-hour operation for multiple cosmetic procedures, sent a wake-up call.

No Guarantee of Survival

Certification in the best hospitals is no guarantee even of survival. Two women died in 2004 at Manhattan Eye Ear and Throat; one was Olivia Goldsmith, author of “The First Wives’ Club.” The death rate from liposuction is 1 in 5,000 procedures.

Some 40 percent of breast augmentations will entail complications within three years. The dreaded MRSA (methicillin-resistant staph infection) is turning up also in some patients who undergo face lifts.

Any licensed medical doctor can perform cosmetic surgeries. “It is ironic that the doctors who choose to perform an operation that is solely cosmetic are willing to accept mortality and complication rates significantly higher than those who restrict their interventions to those required for the treatment of disease,” writes Dr. Sherwin Nuland, author of “The Art of Aging and How We Die.”

David Heilbroner, co-director of the 2006 HBO special “Plastic Disasters,” explained in an interview why it’s hard to learn about the dangers. “Doctors settle lawsuits, which then stay off the books. There’s no national center collecting data on botched surgery.”

Even when outcomes go relatively well, several respondents told Brooks they did not share with their friends how much pain they had endured. When one woman complained of being lied to, her friend said, “Well, if you told people how painful this would be they’d never do it.”

Plastic surgery is becoming a public-health issue in need of regulation. And we’ll hear more about its dangers from the competition–providers of non-surgical procedures like Botox–who have money to spend.

The other critics, at this point, are numerous. They include vindictive bloggers, disapproving fashionistas, disillusioned ex-users, legions of un-retouched women, concerned doctors, feminist anti-ageists, sociologists and women’s health activists.

I’m not holding my breath about rapidly transforming the commerce in aging in America. The cult of youth is ever-present in the magazines, TV and films; hurting women’s self-esteem as they grow older. Men are being affected and joining the ranks of users. In some zip codes parents are giving teen daughters silicone breasts as a birthday present.

But despite such dismaying and attention-getting facts, the larger, less-told story is that most of us as we get older see ourselves and our friends as just fine exactly the way we are.

Here’s to happier eyes!

Margaret Morganroth Gullette, resident scholar at the Women’s Studies Research Center, Brandeis, is the author of the 2004 book “Aged by Culture,” named a “Noteworthy Book” of the year by the Christian Science Monitor and “Declining to Decline,” the 1997 book chosen by the Feminist Caucus of the Popular Culture-American Culture Associations as “the best feminist book on American popular culture.”

 

Navigating the Midlife Maze -Tips for Recharging Yourself

From time to time, I like to share what other midlife blogs are saying… This one is something I know you’ll like…

by Ellen Besso, Personal Coach for Midlife Women

For those of us edging towards forty or fifty, our lives are often in major flux. There may be outward signs…our bodies aren’t quite the same weight or shape! Menstrual cycles change and stop. But the biggest change is within. We may feel like we’re not the woman we were…that we’re on the road to becoming someone very different. The “circuitry rewiring” that Dr. Christine Northrup speaks of changes every bodily system and organ, particularly the brain. This affects how we feel within ourselves and how we relate to others.

It can be a very confusing time. I know I certainly didn’t expect “it” to happen so soon. As the initial minor physical changes gave way to a deepening of experience I found I was affected on an emotional, mental and spiritual level as well. I really didn’t know what was going on, and even more importantly, where I was going in this rapidly accelerating process. The circuitry rewiring means that the part of our brain that mediates strong emotions is affected. This can result in an intensifying of our feelings and sometimes includes anger. It makes us more passionate about things. I feel that at this stage of our lives women do not tolerate fools as gladly as we may have once.

As our “nurturing hormones”, (as Northrup calls them) decrease, we may find we want to do more for ourselves rather than others. This could take the form of exploring new avenues, reviving old interests, meeting with friends who relate to us or simply being quietly alone with ourselves in our home or in nature. The changes within us, manifesting outwardly as different behaviours and actions, don’t always get a favourable reception from family members and others. It’s human nature to dislike change, especially when those close to us change and it impacts us. And when one family member (us) changes it has a domino effect on everyone else. This is basic ‘family systems’ theory and it can apply to friendships and work groups as well as families.

So how to find solutions that work for us amidst all this upheaval? How to balance our needs with our family, work and other commitments? This article is meant to help you find balance in your busy lives…to find room for you. By following some of the suggestions below you can re-prioritize so that you are meeting your own needs in all areas: body, mind and spirit. You, and you alone are responsible for your well-being in every aspect of your life. If you don’t look after yourself, no one else will and you will burn out physically, mentally and/or spiritually. You’ll be a very unhappy camper, and those around you will pay a price also. I’ve seem many women in this position.

Take These Steps to Re-charge Yourself:

Always put yourself first: (after the needs of young, dependent children have been met)
This will sound like heresy to many women. Women are commonly by nature and training nurturers. We stretch ourselves too thin. Many of the things we do for our families, co-workers, friends and the organizations we belong to can be done by others, however. For example, at home, kids can do their own laundry. Before committing to responsibilities in service clubs, churches or extra tasks at work, always check in with yourself. Take a deep breath, hold it then exhale a couple of times. Then ask yourself “Is this truly the way I want to spend my time?” Or is it a knee-jerk reaction from habit? Chances are at least 50% of the time your answer will be a resounding “No!”

Prioritize immediately & regularly: Make a list of everything you have to do this week; don’t leave anything out. Rate truly non-negotiable items as #1. It’s imperative that you give your personal time a #1. Think of it as the “pay yourself first” approach recommended for savings accounts. Without monitoring yourself rate the others from #2 to #10. Ruthlessly eliminate at least 25% of the highest numbered tasks.

With the remaining tasks or duties use the following 3 options:

Do them less often;
Do them for shorter periods of time; or
Don’t do them at all.
For example, even with your job, you can, if you choose, give yourself a day off occasionally, even if your not “sick to dying”, as an old friend used to say. Consider it a ‘mental health day’. Note: Always keep your options open – it’s okay to change your mind about doing something you’ve planned if it doesn’t feel right to you. This exercise is adapted from Martha Beck, PhD.

Schedule time for you daily & take yourself on a weekly date:
Create a time that’s just for you each day, even if it’s only 30 minutes. Soothe yourself with a warm candlelit bubble bath, read a favourite book, journal or contemplate. It’s crucial to have a quiet space that’s yours and yours alone. There was a woman featured on the Oprah Show who converted a walk-in closet into her sanctuary. It was complete with soft lighting and a comfortable chair, and family members understood they could not interrupt her there. Once a week take a leaf from Julia Cameron’s book and plan a 2-3 hour solo outing doing something you love to do. I guarantee that these things will make a difference in your life.

Look after yourself body, mind and spirit:
Eating can be quite simple…really. When we’re overloaded, rushed and stressed, we often make food choices that may not be the healthiest for us. Many women feel better eating lightly and frequently, including lots of fruit, vegetables and vegetarian protein as well as a little animal protein. This diet is good for kids and partners too. Spending a little time outside in nature daily, doing light exercise, reading uplifting articles or books and quietly meditating or contemplating feeds us body, mind and spirit.

Be open and transparent about your needs:
Let others know at home, at work and in your organizations that you are making changes in your life to allow time for you. Give as much or as little information as feels appropriate to the situation. Many of us were brought up in families where the ability to mind read was expected. But in truth, none of us knows anyone else’s reality. We need to tell each other what’s going on for us, not make assumptions or feel resentful. Given a little time, most people will adjust to our requests for change if they are “put in the loop”.

Carve out some relationship time each week: (for those in committed relationships)
‘Life in the fast lane’ takes a toll on relationships. Many of us do nothing but work and take care of family and at night then fall into bed exhausted. It’s hard to take time away from these important responsibilities to do something “discretionary” when we feel maxed out. It is worth it though. Even a 30 to 60 minute “coffee date” with our partner takes us away from our daily lives into a new environment, and therefore new possibilities. Try it, you’ll see!

If you have any feedback about these Tips for Recharging, or any questions, please contact me at:

info@ellenbesso.com
800 961 1364 – North America
604 886 1916 – Gibsons, BC

Midlife Reflections on Aging and Growing Older

A good friend sent this — I don’t know the author – but, it’s worth passing on,,

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I
was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old! Upon seeing my
reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an
interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let him know.

Growing Older, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have
always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body …
the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the cellulite. And often I am taken back
by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those
things for long.

*I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my
loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve
become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own
friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making
my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks
so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to be messy, to be extravagant,
to smell the flowers. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too
soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer
until 4 a.m. and then sleep until –I will dance with myself to those
wonderful tunes of the 50’s & 60’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep
over a lost love … I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a
bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances from the bikini set, who too, will get old
(If they’re lucky)!

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But then again, some of life is
just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart
not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a
beloved pet dies? But broken hearts are what give us strength,
understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and
sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray,
and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my
face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair
could turn silver. I can say “no,” and mean it. I can say “yes.” and mean it

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about
what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned
the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being older. It has set me free.
I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I
am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or
worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day… (if
I want).
Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.
Love simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

LIVE WELL – LAUGH OFTEN – LOVE MUCH!

Midlife is Greatly MisUnderstood

“Midlife is when you reach the top of the ladder and find that it is against the wrong wall.”

~ Joseph Campbell

Seventy-six million “Baby Boomers” are facing the midlife experience. Midlife is certainly a time of change and transition, but it is only a normal stage of life, like childhood or adolescence. Saying it is normal means that it cannot be avoided. Live long enough and you will encounter it. As you could not avoid adolescence, so you cannot avoid midlife. Midlife may be denied, but it cannot be escaped.

Midlife is greatly misunderstood. It is essentially a positive experience with the goal of making you a “whole” person. It is trying to transform you from one level of living to another. Adolescence transformed you from a child into an adult. It may not have been a pleasant experience, but it was not meant to be fun. It was meant to change you.

Midlife also intends to change you, and you may not enjoy it. Midlife is trying to guide you towards psychological and spiritual wholeness. At midlife you are only halfway to that goal. More growth is needed but may be resisted if you have become comfortably stuck where you are.

In life, there are two major identity crises. The first, occurring in adolescence, is to establish an identity. You must get a sense of who you are by focusing on achievement and accomplishment. You develop a unique personality style. You become “you,” but the danger is that “you” may be overly focused upon yourself. The second identity crisis is at midlife when you must give up who you think you are so you can become who you were meant to be. This transition is not easy and is greatly resisted as seen in well-known midlife crisis.

While midlife provides the opportunity to enliven life, many people think that it is a time to recapture lost youth. The challenge of midlife is not to become young again but to grow into your full potential. Midlife provides an opportunity for psychological and spiritual growth that encourages you to give up your self-centered nature and learn to nurture and care for others.

Ultimately, midlife is about the search for true meaning in life, which is always a spiritual quest. Midlife is an opportunity for an awakening into a deeper spirituality that takes us into caring for and giving to others. Midlife is trying to make us loving people who can focus less on ourselves and more on others. This is a difficult change, and the midlife journey cannot be taken without a certain amount of suffering.

One of the meanings of the word “suffer” is to live through or to allow an experience into your life. At midlife you must suffer — live through — the loss, change, and letting go of much of what you bring into it. You must give up one identity for another. It is like the transformation from a caterpillar into a butterfly. It is neither pleasant nor guaranteed, but if you don’t take the risk, you stagnate.

Midlife wants to take you on a journey of transformation and make you a kinder and more generous person. While it is often a harrowing adventure, it can be ultimately rewarding.

Are you willing to take the journey? Are you willing to let go of who you are in order to see who you can become?

Learn more about midlife at http://www.lessonsforliving.com/midlife.htm

Dr. Dan Johnston, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist affiliated with Mercer Health Systems in Macon, Georgia. For 20 years he was the Director of Psychological Services for a large metropolitan Medical Center and is currently serving as an Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science for Mercer University School of Medicine in Macon, Georgia. Dr. Johnston’s expertise is in stress management and resiliency training. He is the author of “Lessons for Living: Simple Solutions for Life’s Problems” from Dagali Press and creator of the popular Lessons for Living Web Site (http://www.lessonsforliving.com).