Dr. Toni

6 Aging Myths We Need to Stop Believing

Posted on by Dr. Toni

(This article previously appeared on Grandparents.com.)

You’ve probably heard a thousand times that as you age, your body and mind begin to “go” — you can no longer move the way you used to and your health deteriorates. But those “facts” couldn’t be further from the truth. Aging doesn’t have to mean decline, in fact, just the opposite. Below are six myths and why each is not true.

Myth No. 1: Your genes predetermine how healthy you are.

Why it’s not true: Although the gene sequence you were born with is fixed, gene expression depends on how you live your life. Simply put, we are beginning to learn that your thoughts, emotions, levels of stress, sleep, exercise, breathing, and mind-body coordination can affect your gene expression.

This means that you can turn on or dial up the good genes and turn off or dial down the bad genes. The idea that we can influence our genes is the new science of epigenetics, and something I am currently researching. What we may find with epigenetics is that we each have much more control over the cellular biology of aging.

Myth No. 2: Getting older means feeling older.

Why it’s not true: We each have a chronological age and a biological age. Your chronological age is the age on your birth certificate and answers the question, “How many times have you, in this body, revolved around the sun?”

Your biological age basically reflects how well your body is functioning. Biological age is based on everything from your blood pressure and body fat, to your bone density and cholesterol levels. It is determined by several factors and does not have to match your chronological age.

How you perceive the process of aging, your expectations and beliefs; how you experience time and how energetic you feel actually determine the biology of aging. Think about it this way: A 50-year-old who takes good care of herself can have the biology of a 35-year-old. Alternatively, a 50-year-old who has let himself go may have the biology of someone many years older. You can be much younger biologically than what your birth certificate says.

Myth No. 3: Your body gets frail as you age.

Why it’s not true: Your body doesn’t have to get frail when you get older. You can increase both the strength and mass of your muscles and even improve bone density through exercises and weight-training. Within six weeks of beginning to exercise, studies show, there’s a 100 to 200 percent increase in strength in men aged 60 to 70. And walking for 30 minutes, five days a week, can add more than seven years to your life, according to a recent Harvard University study.

Myth No. 4: Your brain is destined to deteriorate over time.

Why it’s not true: If you think you lose brain cells as you get older, and those cells are gone forever, think again. Research shows that some areas of the brain involved with memory and learning continue to produce new nerve cells every day. So while you do lose brain cells every day, you also are constantly replacing brain cells.

The best thing you can do to build new brain cells is to keep your brain active with new activities and learning. And one of the best things you can do for your brain later in life, research shows, is learn a new language. (Though learning anything new is good for your brain.)

One more thing about your brain: Only 3 to 4 percent of disease-related gene mutations, including mutations for Alzheimer’s disease, are genetically determined. Most disease-related gene mutations are influenced by lifestyle — including emotions, quality of sleep, diet and stress levels. You don’t have to get Alzheimer’s disease or lose mental alertness as you grow old, unless you have a rare gene mutation.

Myth No. 5: Your energy decreases as you get older.

Why it’s not true: Energy levels in the body don’t depend on age. They depend on your attitude and are influenced by the quality of your life. Meditation, restful sleep and exercise are the best ways to experience a joyful and energetic body.

Myth No. 6: The older you are, the more unhappy you are.

Why it’s not true: Happiness has nothing to do with aging. In fact, the later years can be the best time of your life. Many studies have shown that people get happier as they age.

If you eat healthfully, exercise, take care of your mind and stay connected with others, you can influence your happiness levels and what I call your “Set Point”.

Deepak Chopra, M.D., is the author of more than 75 books which have been translated into over 35 languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. Chopra is a fellow of the American College of Physicians, a member of the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists, Adjunct Professor of Executive Programs at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, Adjunct Professor at Columbia Business School, Columbia University, and Senior Scientist with The Gallup Organization. Time Magazine credits Chopra as one of the “Top 100 heroes and icons of the century.”

Conscious Aging

Posted on by Dr. Toni

  By Mariamne Paulus

At the end of May, 2005, we completed a Teleos Institute class series entitled “Conscious Aging.” We used Faces of Aging* as our study and reference book as we examined our own attitudes, images, fears, convictions, values, and actions around the subject of aging. Perhaps you would like to share the fruits of our labor in the form of some of the insights we found valuable.

How Do You Define Old?

We began our exploration with a definition from each participant of when a person becomes old. Most of us agreed that there are at least two aspects to growing old. One is the mental/emotional component: namely, how old do I feel?

The other is the physical: how healthy and strong is the body?

We all agreed that we have known people younger than sixty who were “old” in their attitudes toward life. They have grown rigid in their preferences and opinions, they are not open to new experiences, they are stuck in their habitual patterns, and they have no appetite for life. We also agreed that if we remain youthful in our attitudes and outlooks and enjoy life, the age of the body does not define us so completely.

As for the age of the body, Beverly Archibald, one of the class members, offered what I thought was a most helpful perspective. She said she likes to think of the 70’s as early old age, the 80’s as middle old age, and the 90’s as old old age. Since I read in the newspaper every day about people who are in their 60’s who are called “elderly,” I appreciated having a more graduated way of defining the aging process. Both OSO and I found it sobering to think that we are within three (me) or four (OSO) years from “early old age,” but fortunately we still feel about 35 or 40.

We all agreed that there are some characteristics of the aging of the body that are almost universal. A slower pace of moving and thinking, and eventually of speaking. A falling away of ambition, desire for power and success, a need for approval, and the urge to prove ourselves in any way or to any one. And a diminishing of the acuteness of some of the sensory portals, like hearing and eyesight.

The Inner Elder

One of the main contributions of the book we used was to suggest that we develop the “inner elder” as we age. We spent a lot of time exploring things like our undeveloped potential, what we want to do with our time and energy as we age, what is most important to us at this stage of our lives, and how we want to be remembered by others.

Some of us have already had substantial experience with being considered an “elder” by others, namely someone to look to for wisdom and experience. Others had not yet thought of themselves as elders. All of us were aware that we felt we had much yet to contribute to the world around us, talents to share and develop, experience that has given us depth of understanding, and interests that we want to pursue.

We felt there was value in reflecting on what we can contribute as elders. Mary Ann McCarthy shared with us these guidelines she has adopted for herself:

  • Be useful
  • Be resilient
  • Be present to the now
  • Be open to new ideas
  • Be fluid
  • Keep it simple
  • Be clear of mind
  • Be approachable

They seem important to the development and expression of the inner elder.

Other qualities we felt would help us to function as elders are a youthful outlook that welcomes new experiences, delights in life as it presents itself, is eager to learn and discover the new, and stays current with the changing culture. Keeping up with the rapid changes in electronic gadgetry by learning to use DVD players, cellular phones, computers and attendant technologies will keep us in the flow. Movies and television can be avenues for exposure to the youth culture if we don’t have children and grandchildren.

These words from our study book speak to these issues:

At 92 years, Rebecca Latimer says: “The way I see it, the first rule is to be open to new ideas, to be non-judgmental. Don’t ask the younger generation to follow the rules you learned so many years ago. Any change is hard to accept as you grow older . . .

“It is much easier to cling to your past values, to judge everybody and everything by the standards you have always trusted, but if you do, you will be left on the sidelines. The future will pass you by, and you will be sitting in your rocking chair, grumbling and complaining with all the other old codgers.” (From her book You’re Not Old Until You’re Ninety.)

Body Images

We talked about our feelings about our bodies and their aging process. It seemed important not to become too identified with changes occurring in the body, but rather to view them as part of the natural order process that makes it possible for us to have new experiences in and through the body.

We examined our attitudes toward the body, noticing that it is easy to fall into feelings that the body is betraying us, or working against us, or failing us, rather than continuing to love and honor the body as the vehicle through which we have our life experiences. We talked about holding positive images of our bodies instead of letting our culture’s total focus on youth condition us to lose touch with the beauty of the aging body. The book Faces of Aging helped us with this process by presenting many untouched photos of aging faces and offering poems about their beauty.

We talked about new expressions for our sensuality and sexuality in our later years, emphasizing the importance of touching and being touched, holding and being held, experiencing pleasure through our bodies, expressing love and being loved.

We explored our attitudes toward illness and our habitual ways of dealing with ill health, recognizing that the body needs more and more attention and care as it ages. We talked about humor as one way to keep the energy light around physical challenges, without ignoring or diminishing what we are dealing with. Kindness toward self, and compassion for the body and what it goes through, seem attitudes that are essential to cultivate.

Adapting to the Aging Process

We talked about getting all our papers in order – wills, living wills, living trusts, powers of attorney for health care and general powers of attorney – and of updating those papers on a regular basis as we move through these aging years.

We talked about making decisions and plans before we actually get there for where to live in our middle and old old age so that we can prepare for that transition.

We all recognized the importance of beginning now to simplify our lives by giving material things away that we no longer use, either offering them as gifts to family and friends who might like to enjoy them or by donating them to charitable organizations.

We examined to see if there are activities, relationships, attitudes or values that we need to let go of. We also looked to see if there were things that have already fallen away without our conscious choice-making.

We talked about gracefully providing more and more people with opportunities to give to us as we have less strength and energy for doing strenuous activities.

Deepening The Spiritual Life

We acknowledged that the diminishment of physical energies can be an invitation to go within and develop more fully our spiritual life through study, meditation and prayer as well as through our service through community organizations.

Most of us felt the need to develop our awareness of and appreciation for energetic ways of participating in community life, recognizing that we may not always be able to be as active in the outer life as we have been. The awareness that prayer makes a difference, for example, can forestall the feeling that we are withdrawing from life or that we are useless if we can’t physically participate or help.

The Love Principles will continue to serve us as important guidelines for staying alive and keeping unconditional love flowing through our fields. We will need to concentrate on applying them to ourselves as well as to others.

*Faces of Aging, by Nader Robert Shabahangi, Ph.D., is published by the Elders Academy Press in Warsaw, Poland. To order copies go to www.pacificinstitute.org, write Leslie Lewis at Leslie@pacificinstitute.org, or call Leslie at 415-861-3455.

Becoming Your Best Self As You Age

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Why one woman has made ‘conscious aging’ her goal at 61

Have you ever been driving down the road and suddenly become aware that you don’t know how you got there? It’s scary when you recognize you haven’t been paying attention for something as serious as maneuvering a car for the last five miles. Well, that’s the way I felt when I turned 61 this year and realized I had barely acknowledged 60.

It made me think how quickly and easily I could miss out on the next 15 to 20 years — if I’m lucky enough to get them. And since life doesn’t let us have do-overs, I wanted to figure this out. Except I wasn’t sure where to start.

Then fate stepped in, as it sometimes does, and I came across an article about conscious aging. The concept isn’t new, except to me, and it will be a different experience for each individual, which is also the point. Yet I loved the idea of not only being aware, but actively participating in growing older.

Is Everyone Wrong About Aging?

Like many, I’ve been exposed to the belief that the one true thing about getting old is that no one in their right mind would want to do it. But I started asking myself: What if everyone had been wrong? What if this really was a time that could open up possibilities for a life I hadn’t even taken the time to imagine?

I recently came across the website of Ashton Applewhite, activist and author of the book and blog This Chair Rocks, as well as her Q&A blog Yo, Is This Ageist? (Editors Note: Next Avenue named Applewhite our Influencer of the Year among the 2016 Influencers in Aging.)

If I consciously acknowledged, planned and lived my older age, what would that look like?

I started reading Applewhite’s blog and found she was talking about the questions in my head. If aging is nothing more than decline, then what about the research that shows people are generally happier at the beginning and end of life? Or what about our fear of having to be taken care of when most Americans over the age of 65 live independently? Or that the older people get, the less afraid they are of dying?

Where was all the misery I’d been planning on?

Telling the Whole Story

“There are a lot of challenges to aging, but there are a lot of wonderful things, too, that get way less attention,” Applewhite said, when I interviewed her a few days later. “We need to make sure that both sides of the story get told.”

I’ve always loved old people — which is good because I’m in the process of becoming one myself — but I’m not sure I’ve ever truly considered the other side of the growing-old story. I’ve seen the happy and the sad up close, but I’ve never thought through all the possibilities.

I was beginning to see where being conscious could come in handy.

It’s eye-opening once you start challenging your assumptions about aging, which I have to admit, in my case, weren’t negative as much as they were fatalistic. I thought there was nothing I could do about getting older, but I never backed that up with facts.

Fears ‘Way out of Proportion’

Applewhite points to dementia as an example of our disproportionate fears about aging. “Yes, it’s a horrible disease, but getting dementia isn’t typical of aging. And the rates and odds of getting it are diminishing,” she said.

It’s the same thing when we think about ending up in a nursing home. “Lots of people cycle in and out, but the odds of you having to live in a nursing home are low,” Applewhite said. “Our fears are way out of proportion to the threat.”

So I wondered what would happen if I deliberately shifted my perception of aging, right there and on the spot. What if I stopped rushing through life long enough to ask and answer just one question: If I consciously acknowledged, planned and lived my older age, what would that look like?

Letting Go of Old Attitudes

And that’s when I came across Carol Orsborn, editor-in-chief of Fierce With Age and co-author of The Spirituality of Age.

Our perception of aging is so internalized for most of us, that the first thing I knew I had to do was let it go. Orsborn says we often deny, romanticize or see aging as nothing more than a sad decline. But what we need to understand is that the longer our life, the more we grow not just old, but whole. We can’t overcome everything and there is a shadow side, but it also opens up potential in other areas.

I wondered if it was too late to challenge my old attitudes. Could I honestly view growing older as a serious opportunity for meaning and mindfulness? Could I really change my mindset?

Applewhite says: Yes. “Fifty years ago, we didn’t think a woman could run a company. Twenty years ago, we didn’t think gays could get married,” she says. “This is another profound cultural shift.”

It’s Up to Us

And then she reminded me of something that made total sense. “We’re the ones making up these ideas, so we’re also the ones that can change them. It’s a tall order, but we can do this,” Applewhite says.

There are two things about aging that we can’t avoid, however: physical decline and the death of people you love. And that’s just a fact. But nothing else is inevitable, says Applewhite.

This honest face-to-face with what’s ahead and understanding how many choices I still have seems to make it possible to embrace the whole of life and not see it only as a fading away.

We need to be honest, and Orsborn says there’s nothing wrong with grieving our losses. In fact, it’s the first step. “Mourn your lost youth, illnesses or other losses,” she says. “Acknowledge that it’s happening and is a passage you have to go through.”

But remember, even with declines, there can be benefits.

“We may have spent a long life trying to keep our ego from having so much sway, but when we get older, we seek fewer strokes for who we are and that leaves us with more energy,” Orsborn says. “We find the freedom to care less about what others’ opinions of us are.”

Be Deliberate

Many of us have found things to keep us busy our entire lives, sometimes to the point of distraction. But how we’re going to live our next years is too important to shrug off.

So I think we should ask ourselves how we want to age, because we’re not finished yet. And maybe the luckiest discovery I’ve made was finding that out. But Orsborn says conscious aging takes time.

“Be patient as you learn how to ride this shiny new bicycle of old age,” she says. “It takes quiet time and some disengagement, but it’s a gift to grow into your own self.”

By Debbie Reslock

Debbie Reslock is a freelance writer who specializes in aging issues and the 55+ market. As a former caregiver, she’s also an advocate for aging-in-place whenever possible and person-centered long term care when it isn’t. She’s on the board of directors for the Colorado Culture Change Coalition and lives in Evergreen, Colo.

Spirituality of Aging e-book available now

Posted on by Dr. Toni

Spirituality of AgingSo many people in midlife and beyond have a fear of aging.
Society hasn’t helped this.
Ageism is still a factor in our experience and advertisers
keep telling us we need to be using products that are anti-aging.

I don’t know about you but I’m NOT ANTI – aging….
In fact, every day I experience new growth when I look at
what the aging process is teaching me.

I’m excited to tell you that my new E-Book is now available. It’s all about the
reflections I’ve been having on the aging process itself. Rather than bemoan
the fact that my bones are creaking and my memory waxing and waning,

I decided to look at the meaning behind it all. And, low and behold, I began
to discover that the Aging Process itself is not a matter of continual
decrepitude – but an opportunity to grow spiritually. WOW!

That changes the game considerably.
If you are in MIDLIFE or BEYOND, this is an important issue
to consider right now.

I’d love to share this e-book with you and get your help in fleshing it out
even further into a full manuscript. Please comment when you have read it.

Get your copy