Below are some possible examples of why you may create or allow ‘negative’ experiences in your life.
* Subconscious limiting beliefs you hold in the given area that are dictating your experience.
* Ego payoffs/agendas (blame, self-righteousness, victimhood, pity, power-struggle, judgment, martyrhood etc.)
* Revenge -any failure, heartbreak or painful experience may be a subconscious form of attack/revenge on another, such as a parent, life or God, for example, (“If you’d have loved me more, I’d be happy, successful, I’d not be in this mess, etc…”)
* Negative life-script/dark-story you are living, perhaps as a repeating of an earlier painful life experience and reflecting beliefs you may have formed about life/yourself. You can always re-write your life script!
* Repressed anger brought to the surface for release by virtue of your challenging circumstance.
* To learn, heal and grow – there may be a transformational gift present in the challenge that will change you in powerful ways and enable you to become more of who you are.
* A shadow figure in your unconscious mind or a past life-time experience where you exhibited the behaviour that is currently causing you pain which you have not yet forgiven yourself for (i.e. projection of a denied aspect of self).
* Repressed childhood trauma or painful experiences that are surfacing through this incident to be healed and addressed.
* Low self-worth/self-value.
* Self-punishment – using another person/situation to harm/hurt you (even if you consciously are not aware of it, on some level you have chosen/allowed/ sign-up for this).
* The gift of forgiveness – a gift you have come to give others in this lifetime or to help others achieve the same by the grace of your ability and willingness to do so yourself through trying circumstances.
* Neediness/dependency/lack of personal power – putting the responsibility of your happiness in the hands of others.
* Sacred contract/soul purpose – something you ‘signed-up’ to experience for your soul’s evolutionary journey, possibly before even entering this life-time.
Becoming conscious is the first step on the journey of healing and empowerment.
Recognize, acknowledge, forgive and change…
Hi Dr. Toni,
Your assessment of what holds us back is right on. How important it is to recognize what we are doing tso that we can change and make ourselves better and better.
Thanks again,
Amy
I am in agreement with your post. However, I must add that I find it most difficult to “forgive and change” in my own power. I have struggled for years, and realize I must forgive (especially myself) and change, but don’t know how to go about doing so. I have sought, for many months, a path to follow in order to accomplish this – forgive and change. Perhaps it is best to find a Mentor or Coach to work with.
Hi Ruben,
What you describe is true for us all. Change doesn’t come so easily and forgiveness, too, is a process.
I’ll be doing a free seminar in a few weeks that will talk about these issues. I do hope you’ll join us.
I’ve learned a lot about both change and forgiveness in my life and I believe I can help. Let me know if you are interested in private coaching as well. I don’t do a lot of it anymore. But, I do take on one or two clients. Let me know.
write to me at drtoni@tonilamotta.com or drtonilamotta@gmail.com and we can see if there is a fit here.
Thanks
Dr. Toni