Dealing with Loss and the Aging Process

Living Forever
When we are very young, time seems to have no end. Somewhere in midlife, most people often begin realize that the number of remaining years is limited and that at least in this form, we will not live forever. That very realization can be traumatic or can be a catalyst for life changing experiences. Our ideas about and attitudes toward the process of aging are the very things that will help or hinder us in healthy aging.

One of the things we need to learn to manage as we age is the experience of loss and grief. Women, especially, tend to live longer than men, so they generally experience more losses of family members and friends. How well we deal with loss will greatly influence our overall well-being as we age.

Managing Loss
As we get older, we experience lots of losses – often related to hearing, eyesight or other physical capacities. At a later point, I’ll be writing about some of these experiences and how to allow ourselves to grow through them.  But today, my mind is on the most common of losses -the death of friends and family.  As I write this, I am preparing to take a trip to New York to see my mom. She’s 94 and in the last few weeks has stopped eating, has stopped communicating with her usual wit and wisdom and as a result, I’ve been unable to talk with her by phone. Already I’m feeling a loss, so I am going up there perhaps to say my final goodbyes.

And so, I find myself asking the question I keep asking lately (the results will be my next book!) The question is – what does the aging process have to teach me right now in this situation. I decided awhile back that everything in life can be an opportunity for spiritual growth, and in particular, the process of aging itself, and all the various loss experiences can be viewed through that lens.

What’s the Message Here
Hmm. What is there to learn here? For today, I have decided that feelings of loss can be turned into another opportunity for gratitude. Yes, you heard me right. Now, when I begin to feel loss, I realize that you never mind losing something you haven’t cherished and if you’ve cherished it, that’s something to be grateful for. I often tell my spiritual coaching clients that and now I am telling myself.

My mom’s pending transition is giving me a lot of pause to be grateful. I find myself being grateful that I have had the privilege of having a mom who has lived this long. So many of my friends lost their moms long ago. I’m grateful for the characteristics that I have inherited from my mom. Sometimes I felt my mom was in denial about negative situations, but as I’ve aged myself, I realize that her “find peace” attitude about everything has served both of us well. She was always the peacemaker in our family. “Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.” A great lesson.

I know there’s more, and I’ll be sharing it here in the days ahead, but for now, I’ve go to go and pack.