Life Review

One of the key tools of a conscious aging process is the life review. It’s not something you do in one sitting!  I have found it most useful to do at least a partial life review when my life is in transition.

You will find that when you do a life review, two major things show up. First, you get to see where your incompletes are in life. You may have some forgiveness work to do or releasing and letting go of past hurts. Secondly, you may find hidden potentials – things in your past that still have a germ of possibility for the future.

For many people, the thought of a life review conjures up a soul going through a near death experience, where someone has their life ‘flash before their eyes’ in an instant. And, yes, that is something they many who have had ‘near death’ experiences tell us happens.

The fascinating thing about all the stories of life-reviews is that, in almost all cases when people see that they have made wrong choices, they never feel judged during this experience. That’s worth pondering.

When to Do a Life Review

Take on an attitude of a non-judgmental observer as you prepare to begin your own life review.  I recommend not waiting until you are ‘dying’ but rather to do frequent life reviews from midlife on. Perhaps every year on your birthday, a the end of a year, or in times of transition when you are looking at the possibilities that may be available to you.

A life review is an awesome opportunity to discover more fully who you truly are. I have found that working with clients in midlife and beyond, that it can also be a proven pathway to more conscious aging.

May Sarton, a poet, novelist and memoirist, wrote in one of her journals:  “I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward, but I look forward with joy to the years ahead and especially to the surprises that any day may bring.”

In the words of one of my favorite mentor/teachers, Dr. Ira Progoff, creator of the Intensive Journal method, it’s a way of looking at what our life still wishes to become.

Doing a life review can be a way not only of remembering past events, but an opportunity to reframe these events as well. One goal is to come to attribute new, different and more empowering meanings to those past events. The focus is not to dwell on the past, but to revisit and integrate it in order to live more fully in the present and prepare for the future.

The Research

A significant body of research has demonstrated that life review can help individuals to integrate losses, resolve “unfinished business” accumulated over the course of a lifetime, and significantly contribute to adjustment to aging. That’s reason enough to give it a chance!

One of the normal developmental tasks of later adulthood is the process of reminiscence.  Reminiscence is often unfortunately viewed as the mere rambling of someone who isn’t quite coping with the present.  But, studies have shown that reminiscence is the way the personality reorganizes itself as we age.

When Eric Erikson, the sociologist, talked about the stages of adult development, he described the final stage as one of integrity vs. despair.  At this stage it becomes important for one to look back on one’s life with satisfaction before facing death.

Eric Erikson proposes that the critical factor in accepting death is one’s acceptance of his or her personal life-career fulfillment. In other words, those who feel that their life’s work has been accomplished find it easier to face death than those who feel like they have unfinished business.

Conscious aging is all about finding meaning – both in what has been and in what is yet to be. A life review gives us the opportunity to both define and re-define ourselves in the areas where we feel the need for greater growth and change.

Successful aging causes us to move gracefully from the doing part of our lives to greater BEINGNESS. Aging can be the opportunity to redefine one’s being in the world by attributing meanings to the joys, accomplishments, as well as the sorrows and losses of our lives.

Hoe to Do a Life Review

So, how does one do a life review? . Well, there are several ways.  The actress and political activist, Jane Fonda, discussed one way recently in a book and on TV.  I saw Jane do an interview on Oprah and I read her new book, “Prime Time” where she talks more about doing a life review when she was 59. You can watch the interview Jane did with Oprah by going to:

Jane Fonda on Oprah on the Life Review process

And while you are on the blog – www,midlifemessages.com, you can also find lots of other good articles about Jane’s experience and about the life review in general.

Writing an Autobiography

Some people do a life review by writing their autobiography and taking notice of what comes up as significant and important.  

Using Audio, Video or Photos

Many people use audio or video to record their experiences rather than write them out.  I once did a project where I took each year of my life and created a scrapbook – one page for every year.  I talked with my parents and other members of my family when my memory failed me about a particular year. But, for the most part, I found pictures – either some I had or magazine pictures that represented the FEELING at that time and each year was memorialized in its own page. 

I then went back to think about the people who were important that year; the events that stood out; the works I was doing that seemed significant and the beliefs that I took on at the time.  It took me almost a year to complete the project – but, it’s something I’ll treasure and it was a springboard to a lot of discovery about myself and about what was and what still is important to me.

During the last thirty or so years of my own life, I have studied various journaling techniques that have helped me to do the two things I believe are important for a life review:

1. Complete the past – through closure and reconciliation.  

2. Find the gems of possibility waiting to be explored for the future.

In the meantime, any method you feel drawn to will work for you. Just do it.

I’ll be leading a workshop on this in September here in Sarasota.  Look for details to follow shortly.