7 secrets to “Reinvent Midlife” From the Inside-Out

          Years ago, I was part of a woman’s drumming circle whose members ranged from 7 to 97. At one meeting we were celebrating someone’s 50^th birthday and the leader asked that only those 50 and older speak that night. Each person in turn talked about the freedom she finally felt to be herself. Many spoke of letting go of the need to please anyone else or to be so determined by what others might think. I remember noticing how riveted on every word the young girls were and thinking, “I wish I had heard these words when I was that age.” They were given a gift that day – to know that the aging process is a process of transformation and freedom rather than of decline and defeat. If you were never given that message, please hear it now.

          Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis. It can truly be an opportunity to allow yourself to fully live the life you’ve always wanted.

My favorite symbol is the dragonfly, because it represents transformation and its true colors don’t come out until it’s more mature. I have learned several things in my own growth that I want to share with you – secrets that will help you reinvent your own midlife.

          The first secret is that all reinvention is an inside job. No botox or physical alteration or exterior make-over can give you what you can give yourself and must give yourself for any change to be lasting and significant. So, the most important thing you can do during this time of your life is to find a spiritual practice that will help you go within and discover what’s already there.

          The second secret is that you don’t have to do it alone. When I was younger, I used to think it was a sign of weakness to get help. Now, I realize that I get clear on what I am thinking when I share it with someone else. Sometimes friends and family can serve that purpose, but often they are too close to see me objectively. So, for the past 10 years, I’ve been hiring coaches. I actually have several, to support different aspects of my life. I find the spiritual life coaches to be the most impactful, because they support me in going within and finding my own answers.

The third secret is to let go of what no longer serves you – including forgiving others and yourself. Forgiveness is key to any growth. Nature abhors a vacuum. So, in order for something new to emerge, it’s important to clean out the old. This goes for old clothing, sometimes it even means to release relationships that no longer serve you as well. But, the most important release is the one that allows you to let go of the past hurts. There are so many techniques and practices that make this possible – and it is essential to being able to move on.

       The fourth secret is that there is no need to forgive! I realize that this may sound contradictory to the third point. But, if you really want to transform rather than just change, it’s important to discover that everything in your life has been what it needed to be. There are no victims, only volunteers. Life gives to you according to your beliefs and feelings and so, nothing has been an accident. This concept when fully embraced can make the most radical difference in your life. (More to follow on this in the newsletter, Reinvent Midlife).

       The fifth secret is that you already do know what you want. Until you get clear on what you want, the Universe has no way of giving it to you. There are several things you can do to get clear on what you want. The first is to stop saying “I don’t know”. Just notice how often you say that and then say, “If I did know, what would it be.” You’ll be amazed at what’s already inside you.

        The sixth secret is that not everything is changing. This one is essential. Most of us, when in transition do what I call awfulizing. We think that NOTHING is stable, that EVERYTHING is in flux. Get a handle on what is actually staying the same so you can feel grounded.  Here’s a place where a coach can especially be helpful.

          The seventh secret is that your life has been a preparation for this time. I have found over and over that the things I have done in the past ALL support who I am becoming. It seldom works to think you are starting all over. When you recognize the resources you’ve already acquired, you’ll feel much more confident to move ahead.

Discover the qualities you already have within you. I promise it will make a huge difference in your life.