FOURTH TRANSCRIPT – Setting Intentions for a
Healthy & Happy Future
If I had to chose one principle taught by every spiritual teacher it would be ‘acceptance of what is’ or what many call, living in the present or living in the now. We are encouraged to perceive what is, as it is, without judgment and prejudice, and even more fully with acceptance and gratitude. We are invited to keep an open mind, to let go of old beliefs and fears. While being with WHATEVER IS at the moment, it is also important to hold onto what has been helpful from our past as well as to create an ever-expanding and even exciting future.
Hopefully, if you’ve been following the other videos in this program, you are coming to experience all of this more and more consciously. You have discovered and hopefully released your fears by first understanding the myths that have been populated about aging and then using at least one of the techniques presented there to dissipate the fears.
By now, you have begun a practice of doing a Life Review periodically and have released things that no longer serve you. Doing this process, you have also found new potential that was hidden in past experiences – because as Soren Kierkegaard once exclaimed, “Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.”
And then, I trust that you have learned to notice the gifts inherent in the aging process itself. So, now it’s time for the last step – which is setting intentions for a happy and healthy future.
We’re going to start with what some may think as the hardest thing they’ve done so far – and that is – facing and planning for death. I’m not sure who said this but I love this quote: “Death is not a period but a comma in the story of eternal life.” It’s an important part of every life story and in fact once you feel prepared for death, you may even feel a new sense of freedom, and a resolve to live every day of your life to the fullest. This video won’t be addressing all of the end-of-life issues, but I would recommend doing a web search on this idea and at least becoming aware of some of the important decisions to be made at that time.
I also suggest that you spend some time reflecting on your personal views about what happens after we die. Werner von Braun, the German engineer who played a prominent role in all aspects of rocketry and space exploration, once said, “Science has found that nothing can disappear without a trace. Nature does not know extinction. All it knows is transformation!” What does that mean to you? Does it influence your understanding of what happens when you die, and does it effect the way you are now living your life?
Next, I’d like you to take a moment and think about what it is you would like to have people say about you when you are gone. Stephen Covey, whose book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, has sold more than 25 million copies worldwide since its first publication in 1989, taught us all to “begin with the end in mind.” When we get clear on what we want said about us after we die, we get a clearer picture about how we want to live right now.
As part of the preparation for becoming a Minister, I had to write my own eulogy and memorial service. I want my service to start by having someone say, “ We are gathered here today to celebrate Toni’s life because we felt loved in her presence.” Now, with each encounter I have with others, I get to ask myself, “is what I am saying or doing something that will support the other in feeling loved in my presence?” It’s amazing how that helps me live a more loving and respectful life.
So, now it’s your turn. What is it that you want people to say about you? Take the time here to pause and think about it. Write it down. Create an epitaph for your tombstone, an obituary for the newspaper, a eulogy to be read at your final service, and if you feel so inclined, write the whole memorial life celebration. Choose the songs you want sung or played, any special readings that are meaningful to you and any prayers you’d like said at that time. I promise, these exercises can be both creative and revealing. It might even be something you want to wake up each day thinking about as you create the intentions for how you’d like that day to evolve. PAUSE and write… right NOW
Welcome back! Now, it’s time to decide what kind of legacy you want to leave. I’m not just talking about your finances here or about charitable giving, although that’s an important consideration as well. Perhaps you already included some thoughts about a legacy when you wrote about what you want to be remembered for in your eulogy. If not, you can always go back and add them. Many people today are creating bucket lists of what they would like to do, be or have before their time on this earth ends. How much of that list involves things that are lasting? Perhaps there’s a book you always wanted to write, or on a more personal note, perhaps you have family photos that need organizing so your children can enjoy them later on. One of the things I treasure that my sister created was a book of family recipes. Each time I use them, I am reminded of the relative who created that special treat or the times we spent together enjoying them. Spend time this week thinking about what legacy you want to leave and have some fun creating it.
Speaking of fun, this is the time of life when it is important to continue to build new habits. Remember, it’s a myth that ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’, so make certain that each day you challenge your brain with new learning.
Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
When was the last time you explored a new activity? Find a mentor teacher, a study group, and/or a social network that supports your explorations. Explore new behaviors and experiences either locally or in a virtual social setting.
If you love to travel and are still able, perhaps this is the time to see new things and experience new cultures. If you are unable to travel, consider watching travel shows or reading books about places you’ve always wanted to visit.
Remember also to keep your mind sharp. For some, it may be by watching game shows. Shows like Jeopardy! can help you to continue expanding your knowledge about many thing.
It doesn’t all have to be serious learning. In fact, it is important to find things to laugh about each day as well. A good sense of humor is essential. Start the day off on a light note by reading the comic sections of your local newspaper. If you’re over 60, you might refer to this section as “the funnies”. A good dose of humor can often ward off illness as well.
It goes without saying that healthy eating and regular exercise are even more important for seniors than other age groups since the risk of disease and lost mobility is greater and the positive effects are realized more quickly. Look for daily opportunities to exercise in work and play. Walk, swim, climb, bicycle, dance, fish! Just keep moving.
Part of the challenge of aging gracefully is that you have to continue to find things that are important to you.
That can include reading, theater, spiritual pursuits, hobbies, new social groups, lifelong learning, or recapturing time with family if you didn’t take the time during your working years. It is important, especially for those who are younger, to plan for purposeful activities before you retire so that it can be a gradual transition rather than an abrupt ending. This could be the perfect time to follow where your passions lie and to complete those parts of yourself that you may have neglected or ignored.
I have found that rather than recognize that we are composed of body, soul, spirit and emotions, most people spend the earlier part of their lives focused on only one or perhaps two of these aspects. The lessons and experiences of the later part of life, then becomes an opportunity to develop the missing links. For example, people who have taken great care of their bodies as they were growing, perhaps avoided looking at the spiritual aspects of life and so the aging process for them becomes a spiritual awakening. For others, who may have focused on the spiritual, learning to live more fully in THIS life with all of its physical and material aspects might be their final frontier. I know many people who neglected the mental part of their lives and who then return to study during their later years and perhaps even getting the degree that once was only a dream. If you are alive and breathing, there is more to discover and room to grow. One of the most important keys to psychological health is accepting that your life won’t stay the same. Aging changes everyone and those who age consciously are more in control of how to deal with those changes as they come – and even take a pro-active step in creating them.
As we age, it is important to continue to develop new friends and new relationships. There are millions of stories of people meeting and even marrying well into their 80’s and 90’s. It’s never too late!
It’s especially important as we age and often experience the loss of friends and family our own age and older, that we connect with people of younger generations. One of the ways many choose to age graciously is to take time to spend with children and use that time to ask them what’s important in their life. It can become a way to help both of you to grow and discover something new every day.
“Generativity” is a term coined by the psychoanalyst Erik Erikson in 1950 to denote “a concern for establishing and guiding the next generation.” It can be expressed in literally hundreds of ways, from raising a child to stopping a tradition of abuse, from writing a family history to restoring land. It’s all about making a difference with your life, giving back and taking care of your community and your planet.
“Rabbi Schachter-Shalomi, founder of the Spiritual Eldering Institute, says that this is a time when we can act “as guide, mentor, and agent of healing and reconciliation on behalf of the planet, nation, tribe, clan, and family. It is a time to become “wisdom keepers.” And this special time is not given to everyone. So, why not pause for a moment to acknowledge the millions of people worldwide who will not grow old this lifetime!”
We grow as we help others grow. And while aging is a personal process, and personal growth is extremely important, aging consciously is more than a personal quest. For many, it provides an opportunity to be part of the transformation of their local or even world community. When raising a family or accumulating wealth are no longer priorities, many people have found that volunteering brings them immense joy and satisfaction. The simple act of offering your skills and enthusiasm will positively impact the lives of others, as well as your own. It may be an opportunity to explore a new skill, or perhaps a chance to pass on some of the learning and knowledge that you have accumulated over the years.
Volunteering is the perfect way to feel connected to others in your community. Everyone has a talent to offer. I invite you to explore places and organizations where you can volunteer.
Several factors drive people into community service, but one of the most powerful forces behind volunteering is the social change that is possible through helping those currently in need. According to the National Institute on Aging, “The aging of the 75 million strong baby-boom generation could have an impact on our society of equal magnitude to that of immigration at the turn of the century.” This certainly is our generation’s opportunity to make a difference in our world.
As we close this portion of our learning together, I want to remind you of what many would call the most profound and important spiritual practice – and that is GRATITUDE.
Practicing thankfulness is one of the most powerful ways of thinking to bring about a change in our circumstances.
Being grateful raises us to a new level of consciousness, giving us the ability to see possibilities, discover what we truly want, receive ideas on what to do next, and realize a vision for the future. So, take time daily to list the things you are grateful for and if you do it at night, you might find yourself looking for things to be grateful for all day long. It’s amazing how many more show up when we put our focus on this. Perhaps when you catch yourself thinking self-defeating thoughts, you can take a deep breath, exhale deeply, and ask yourself, “What can I be thankful for in this moment”
If you haven’t already done so, spend time in gratitude for all you have had in your life thus far. And then begin to ask, “What is still mine to do?” “What matters most? What is my soul’s agenda for the rest of my days?” Based on these reflections, you can craft a statement of intention with which you can use at the beginning of each day. I promise, it will help you to age more consciously and live with greater joy.